Thanks goes to TheScientist019 for transcribing this interview!
Lindsay Brauner (LB): Cam, thanks for joining us!
Cameron Jordan (CJ): Thanks for having me. When you say "us," what is "us?"
LB: "Us" is, like, anyone who's watching. Like, anyone who watches this video is "us."
CJ: Thank you for having me.
LB: Should I say "thanks for joining me?" I mean, that seems a little selfish; you're joining everyone. I mean, I see people everywhere. Do you? You see all of them, right?
CJ: * nods *
LB: Yeah? Okay. Good. All of us here want to thank you. All of us on the couch. There are, like, six of us, right?
CJ: Yeah! That's the Manti Te'o syndrome right?
LB: Oh, wait! If you had to make up a fake girlfriend, who would it be and why?
LB: Mm. There's so many choices?
CJ: So many different choices. You know, my combination would be something like Corinne Bailey Rae meets Leona Lewis meets Jennifer Hudson. Somewhere in there.
LB: That's a lot of meeting!
CJ: Right? Maybe a little Candace Parker for the height.
LB: I'm a fan of Candace Parker.
CJ: That puts you at like, 5'9", 5'10" caramel delight with light brown, hazel eyes.
LB: But remember, you're going to have to say goodbye to her because she's going to tragically perish.
CJ: But that's my spin—she's never leaving. She just works overseas, so I don't have too much contact with her. And, of course, she's gonna married and it'll hurt my heart and everything, but it'll be great for the rebound.
LB: Okay, so she's just going to get married, no tragedy.
CJ: Right now she's in France, doing the whole Paris thing, so honestly, she's got her thing going on and I'm doing my thing and hopefully our things can get together one day, but if not, I just wish her best because that's just how much I love her. That's how much I care.
LB: Has she taught you any French words while she's been over there?
CJ: No, not yet. I'm really excited to one day maybe Skype her, if that's possible?
LB: I mean, you guys are on the phone, like, eight hours a night?
CJ: You know, that's just it, no phone calls. All text messages. I don't believe in Skype. Or Tangoing. Or FaceTime. And she doesn't either. She has horrible reception over there.
LB: Horrible. Yeah, it's bad in Paris.
CJ: Exactly. She only has a limited number of minutes; she doesn't have free-after-nine minutes. We have unlimited texts, though.
LB: Well, that helps. That helps a lot. Emojis? Lots of Emojis?
CJ: Man, smiley faces—she loves smiley faces.
LB: Awwww. What's her favorite Emoji?
CJ: Probably, like, a little purple devil, it's got a little smile. Like, a mischievous grin.
LB: Maybe that's not a good sign.
CJ: No, that's perfect. That means she's thinking of me as I'm thinking of her and she's hating the distance that's between us.
LB: That's what she's referring to with the devil, purple Emoji. Well, Cam, thanks so much for joining us and we'll see you soon. We'll see you on the field and everywhere else where you are: Twitter, Facebook.
CJ: And you may see me with her.
LB: Yeah! Paris! We'll see you in Paris. Is that her?
CJ: No, that will be her. I'm just getting ready to hold her. That's how much I miss her.
LB: Thanks, Cam.
CJ: Thank you.
[Part two of a three-part interview; part one can be found here. Check back soon for the thrilling conclusion as Cam looks to his future.]