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California Golden Blogs Hal Of Fame - Zack Follett

Zack Follett

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via imgs.sfgate.com


Well...we'll let Spazzy talk about Pain Train:

OH MAKE NO MISTAKE, PAIN TRAIN IS NOT LEAVING BERKELEY. PAIN TRAIN IS *SPARING* BERKELEY. PAIN TRAIN REMEMBERS THE FIRST TIME HE BROUGHT HIS PAIN UPON BERKELEY. HE TRIED TO OFFER A VAGRANT HIS LEFTOVER PAD THAI BUT THE VAGRANT DEMANDED COMPENSATION FOR BEER INSTEAD. ALCOHOLISM WRECKS FAMILIES, SO PAIN TRAIN WRECKED THE VAGRANT, WITH A TITANIC HELMET CRUSH BLOW TO THE COLON.


DO YOU RECALL THE FENCES AROUND THE TREE SITTERS? THEY WERE NOT BUILT TO PROTECT PEDESTRIANS, THEY WERE PUT IN PLACE TO PROTECT THE TREE SITTERS FROM PAIN TRAIN. OTHERWISE, PAIN TRAIN WOULD HAVE REMOVED THE TREES WITH HIS BARE, SHARP TEETH. *ringtone chimes, playing I'm On a Boat ft. T-Pain.* PARDON ME, PAIN TRAIN IS RECEIVING A TELEPHONE CALL.

OH HELLO THERE, DUMPSTER MUFFIN. WHAT'S THAT? YOU DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO USE SILK OR COTTON SHEETS ON THE GUEST BED? AND YOU'RE TIRED OF YOUR JOB? WELL, PERHAPS YOU SHOULD HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT BEFORE YOU JOINED YOUR LITTLE PROTEST. THEN THE JUDGE WOULDN'T HAVE SENTENCED YOU TO BE MY BUTLER FOR LIFE. I REALIZE YOU THINK THAT'S UNFAIR, BUT WE WILL TALK ABOUT IT LATER, I'M CONDUCTING AN INTERVIEW RIGHT NOW. NO, I HAVE TO GO, NO, YOU CAN'T SIT ON THE OAK CABINET, IT'S AN ANTIQUE FROM THE ESTATE OF SIR THOMAS CALHOUN. NO, LIKE I SAID, YOU C--NO! NO! DO NOT ANTAGONIZE PAIN TRAIN FURTHER. PAIN TRAIN JUST MAY EXTRACT YOUR ARMPIT HAIRS ONE BY ONE JUST LIKE HE WOULD HAVE LIKED TO REMOVE THE OAKS ONE BY ONE.

JUST LIKE HE REMOVED PRETTYBOY QUARTERBACKS ONE BY ONE. FOR FOUR YEARS. ERIK AINGE STILL HAS A TRAIN SHAPED IMPRINT ON HIS EIGHTH AND NINTH VERTEBRAE. LET IT BE KNOWN: TOM BRADY WILL WISH HE TORE BOTH HIS ACL'S AND BE OUT FOR HIS CAREER, BECAUSE PAIN TRAIN IS ABOUT TO TEAR TOM BRADY'S SOUL WITH THE AMOUNT OF PAIN HE WILL IMPART. DO YOU HEAR THAT, NFL QB'S? PAIN TRAIN IS ATTENDING YOUR POTLUCK. AND HE IS BRINGING ONLY PAIN.