There’s this episode of The Twilight Zone where the Earth, quite literally, begins falling towards the Sun. As the never-ending dawn approaches, temperatures soar, paint melts, and everyone dies. (And then it turns out it was all a dream! And then it turns out the Earth is actually falling away and freezing and The Twilight Zone really just tells half an interesting story and then leaves you on a cliffhanger)
Anyway, do I think that it’s a coincidence that, on the week of the Sun Devils, that Berkeley and the Bay undergo the year’s worst heatwave? Yes, I do, because this heat is really part of the recent worldwide trend of extreme weather, a clear sign of rapid, unprecedented climate change.
But, you know what, with the fan blasting on high, with an open window making zero difference, with myself sweating while just sitting, I’m not thinking about that. I really just hate the Sun and any possible mascot derivatives. We must win this week and defeat everything to do with this heat, or else I may be off to Alaska. (Matt, can I crash on your couch?)
So, Cal fans everywhere, I need you!
TO GIVE ME A C!
Why are you not going to Memorial on Friday? And if you are, why haven’t you asked four other people to join? Like, seriously, it’s a Friday night. We sell beer now. We sell wine. It’s a good time! When people look back on this season, on Evan Weaver, it’s not a story to say “Oh I watched all that alone in my living room on my flatscreen TV.”
As some classic poet once said, “Bring your momma, your sister, your auntie, your auntie’s cousin, grandkids, baby mothers, anybody!”
These guys want you to be here. Why don’t you do them a favor?
GIVE ME AN A!
At ASU, they have a true freshman QB who only throws screen passes (See the excellent offensive preview posted earlier this week for more info). Nothing more needs to be said except that. After the gauntlet of QB’s we’ve already faced, thank you, next!
AND GIVE ME AN L!
I mean, I like Coach Herm. He takes on a refreshing attitude compared to most coaches, and of course, there’s the Cal connection. A foundation slowly builds down in Tempe, and it’s nice to know in two years we’ll avoid them and flip back to Arizona.
But come on. Do you doubt our undefeated Bears anymore? Do you find yourself with any hint of worry once they run out onto the field? The spirit of California flows through their veins. When Evan Weaver stuffed Johnny Reb last week, it seemed inevitable, like iron to a magnet, that he would make the play.
Of course, that’s exactly what you would expect from the winner of 2019 Heisman Memorial Trophy. On Friday night, it’ll be #BearsIn4, and Bears by 50.
What’s that spell? CAL!
Who are we? CAL!
And who’s gonna win? CAL!