From the Mic Men: Alabama Edition

Fact: The SEC, considered by many to be the best conference in college football, has 6 teams ranked in the latest AP poll.

Fact: The PAC-12 has 6 teams ranked in the latest AP poll.

Now, in the course of my Berkeley education, I have, in fact, learned that 6 is equal to 6. Therefore, it’s mathematically proven that the SEC and PAC-12 are equally skilled and talented. And yet, when top_team.loses_to_bottom, SEC.print(“We’re just so deep! That’s why we’re the number one conference in the nation!”)

We’re really heading into enemy territory this week, men. These Johnny Rebs don’t know the rigor of a PAC-12 schedule. But our undefeated Bears continue on the march to victory.

Letter from Capt. Evan Weaver, dated 20 September 2019.

Dearest mother --------

The indications are very strong that battle against the Rebs will commence shortly. Our campaign against the non-Pacific schools will end after this operation, in glory or shame. Messengers bring word of Johnny’s remarks that our “California lifestyle” is no match for his men. Gen. Wilcox has ordered supplementary exercises, as this sweltering Mississippi sun continues to make itself known, and the infirmary grows in number by day. O God, if I must fall on this battlefield, know that I willingly gave everything to our institution. I know the blood and suffering that has ruined previous campaigns. The flag of the golden bear, no matter the cost, must return home triumphant in victory. Fight for California.

We beat them by double-digits two years ago, and now they’re worse and we’re better. Bears by 50.