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From the Mic Men: Our Grand Orchestra

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Herr Drosselmeyer was pretty wild when you think about it.

Dress Rehearsal Of Boston Ballet’s “The Nutcracker”
Just pretend these are beavers
Photo by Jim Davis/The Boston Globe via Getty Images

(^ Recommended listening during the article)

Rise, Cal fans! Like our sturdy and golden bear, I have been in hibernation since our valiant effort in Eugene. But however groggy, sleepy-eyed, and fatigued the spirit of California may be, it must turn over and reinvigorate itself; the season still continues. Without any action in Strawberry Canyon, the winds have only grown stronger and the cold more biting. Power and electricity were stolen from us like Mack Brown does with Rose Bowls.

But now, look to the horizon, for a new foe comes into town, bringing another opportunity to continue our PAC-12 ascension. The Corvallis cadre have not been good for a long time, and I don’t expect that to continue this week. The Beaver will not beat the Weaver.

So, Cal fans, I need you!

TO GIVE ME A C!

From Bynum, to Hicks, to Beck, to Davis, to Hawkins, to Weaver, to Deng, to Goode, to Paul, to BRETT JOHNSON, to Luc, and Zeandae, the music our defense makes rivals Mozart. Flipping back and forth from crunching tackles to impossible interceptions, their orchestration rivals none other in the nation. Again and again, teams try and test DeRuyter’s operatic masterpiece, but who has yet succeeded? Against Oregon, our #TAKERS cracked the nut and made a top-10 draft choice and a bevy of future NFL wideout look average. In a sport filled with superpowers, mediocrity is equal to victory, and our defense is quite the concierto.

GIVE ME AN A!

Oh, Oregon State. Do you even have good memories? Every year, when we beat up on you, it doesn’t even feel like a true victory for us. If we’re Mozart, you are Salieri. You are a nail, and everyone is a hammer. Though, that was probably the wrong construction analogy. I had the “opportunity” to see Cal’s 42-point victory last year, and boy, you guys really love chainsaws. Probably a little too much, because that high-pitched “WHIIIRRRRRRRRRRRR” blasting every third down still haunts me to this day. And who even fears a beaver?

AND GIVE ME AN L!

Most importantly this week, it’s homecoming. If you’re not bumbling up to Berkeley this week, what are you doing? There’s rallies most every night with the Rally Committee, reunion dinners, Cal Band performances, volleyball matches (they’re ranked #15 in the nation!), huge posters, and, of course, one great football game on Saturday. It’s that wonderful time of the year when anyone who has an inkling of blue and gold in their blood returns back home. I can’t wait to see all of you, old and young alumni, this Saturday in Memorial Stadium.