Stanford band remains terrible, banned from 2015 road trips for hazing, sexual misconduct

Hey, remember all those stereotypes about the Stanford band that you had about them being vapid, horrible, self-absorbed little sociopaths? Turns out you were right! They are all awful, self-destructive soulless automatons who deserve nothing more than the swift kick of your boot up their sagging petards.

The Stanford band will be banned for a year from taking trips on the road, essentially for being some of the worst people on the face of planet Earth. The reasons stem from recreational alcohol and drug use to sexual harassment and hazing.

Reasons not listed include "terrible musical rhythm" and "providing propaganda for ISIS recruitment" while "utilizing standup material for performance that Carlos Mencia would throw in the garbage."

Since Big Game is at Palo Alto, we'll have to hear them at least once, but at least there will be no annoying loud brass infecting our eardrums at Haas Pavilion this year. Thank goodnesss for small favors.

Thanks to CGB reader and Cal Mic Man Isaac Williams for bringing this to our attention.

Here's a segment of the full statement from Stanford:

Following a joint investigation by Stanford's Organization Conduct Board and Title IX Office regarding several internal events held by the Leland Stanford Junior University Marching Band in recent years, the band will be prohibited from performing at away athletic events for one year and will be required to adopt a number of reforms.

Stanford initiated the joint inquiry after learning of concerns regarding several band events, including off-campus trips, that the band held for its members between 2012 and 2015. The investigation found that, on several occasions, the band violated university policies regarding alcohol, controlled substances, hazing and/or sexual harassment. Violations included a tradition in which a band member was given an alcoholic concoction intended to make that individual vomit publicly; an annual trip in which some band members used illegal substances; and a band selection process in which individuals were asked a number of inappropriate questions on sexual matters.

As an outcome of the investigation, the band will be unable to travel with any Stanford athletic team to perform at away athletic events during the 2015-16 academic year, including post-season games. The band will be permitted to play at home events and at certain non-athletic events.