"Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Donovan Frazer. This week, I am the advocate for your gridiron beasts incarnate, The California Golden Bears.
All season long we have building towards a crowning moment. From the opening week’s desecration of Grambling State, to the siege of the University of Texas, and to this past week’s reemergence into the ranks of bowl eligibility, our sturdy Golden Bears have clawed their way out of the dark that had shrouded the program these past few seasons.
While these achievements are wonderful and will be celebrated in due time, it’s very clear that the mission is far from accomplished.
This brings us to what shall be our crowning moment; reclamation of The Axe through the destruction of the Stanfurd Cardinal.
Stanfurd, it is undeniable; your recent accomplishments have been great. So great. in fact, that you have even managed to attract the services of a former Golden Bear. To discount your record would be madness, and as much as we loathe you, we do respect you.
But come this Saturday, you are facing your most dangerous opponent of the year. "Why?" you ask. It’s simple. We have nothing to lose. We’ve punched our ticket to the post-season, and while it might appear minor to your aspirations, such an accomplishment is comparable to throwing bait to a pool of hungry sharks. We’ve had our first taste of success in what seems like an eternity…and we crave more.
What better way to satiate our hunger than by snuffing out your already dim playoff hopes? We’ll be able to feast for a calendar year on the mere thought of snatching away your fading conference championship. We might have nothing to lose, but your entire season’s hopes and dreams rest in the palm of our hands.
Enjoy your next day with The Axe. Recall any fond memories you’ve had together these last few seasons. Maybe shine it up one more time, take it up to the top of Hoover, and lie to it again about how 1982 never existed. Because on Saturday night, the opponent you’re taking the field against is not that of merely a 6-4 team, but instead is a pack of vicious, unhinged, carnivores that are starved for the taste Cardinal blood.
We won’t be denied.
This is not a prediction, it is a spoiler; Cal is taking back The Axe."