boomtho: My fellow Californians, we have heard a lot of hot air from Washington recently about entitlement reform. Now, I'm not going to wade into the thorny issues they're actually discussing, like Social Security and Medicare. Instead, I'd like to focus on a much more insidious and much more dangerous form of entitlement - that which occurs naturally in Stanford, California in the world's most sterile, unexciting college campus. As a state, we must take a stand for all that is good about California - public education, low tuition, a "real world" environment not designed to coddle a spoiled student body, an academic system that actually forces you to try in class and does not let you drop classes two weeks before finals, Nobel fuckin' laureates, an admittedly creepy cardigan-wearing Bear that drinks out his eye - and do everything in our power to defeat the Cardinal this weekend, next year, and forever.
Unfortunately, I was not able to locate the Stanford fan before I had to release this speech. My advisors tell me he fell asleep at the Oregon game and is still trapped in that soulless building they call a football stadium.
Please join me and make "Hate Stanford Hard" a message that will ring out all across California. Thank you and GO BEARS!
Trace Travers: We live in a terrifying state these days. One where those folks down at the robber-baron's junior farm college can sit in their ivory towers (made of real ivory), and swaddle themselves in a blanket of smugness and nepotism. That can no longer be the case. As a part of my campaign, I vow to never actually call Stanfurd by its correctly spelled name, instead they will be known as the Junior Farm College. I will also mandate the immediate defenestration of the abomination of a band that they have, because that would already sound better than another verse of "All Right Now." On the final mandate, I will have Oski, the fiercest Bear in all the land, hit the fighting Ficus of a mascot with a Stone Cold Stunner, and put it through a wood chipper. Afterwards he can drink a beer with a straw that goes through his eye. With that, we will celebrate the rightful fall of a terrible empire, and can have peace in the kingdom of Berkeley.
Piotr T Le: My policy would be of ignoring Stanford. "Oh you went to Stanford? cool." Be ignoring Stanford's existence and minimizing any reaction we as Bears can really play with their over-inflated egos.
Nik Jam: For too long we've been terrorized by the Stanford menace. We must rise up to defeat the men in Red.
If we stand together, Blue and Gold will always prevail. BEAT STANFORD.