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Cal vs. Oregon State pregame hype

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Ezra Shaw/Getty Images

Some weeks, the storylines write themselves. We have before us a win
or else kind of game, and if we're being truthful, the one that bowl
eligibility hinges on almost entirely. That's not an interesting promo
to write, because we already know all the notes to how that's supposed
to go.

Instead, I am filling this space with another one of my terrible Cal
song parodies -- intended for your amusement only; please don't try to
sing it because this song is one of those meant to be delivered only
by the original artist -- following the narrative arc of the last four
weeks.

I give you...


Hello, it's us
We were wondering if after all these L's
You'd like to talk, to go over everything
We said this year's supposed to bring us winning
But we ain't done much winning late
Hello, can you hear us
We are California, dreaming about who we used to be
When the year was younger, ranked # 23
We've forgotten how it felt when the Pac was at our feet
There's such a difference between us
And a million miles

Hello from the outside
We threw the ball a thousand times
We're sorry
For breaking your heart
And when we call you, you never go to games at home
Hello from the unranked side
At least we can say that we're still tryin'
And we're sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, cause clearly we'll keep tearin you apart
ever more

Hello, how are you
It's so typical of us to disappoint, we're sorry
I hope that you're well
Did you make it out of Autzen
Where no game ever happened
It's no secret
That we are running out of time

Hello from the outside
We threw the ball a thousand times
We're sorry
For breaking your heart
And when we call you, you never go to games at home
Hello from the unranked side
At least we can say that we're still tryin'
And we're sorry, for breaking your heart
But it don't matter, cause clearly we'll keep tearin you apart
ever more