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Cal Men's Basketball vs. CSU-Bakersfield Preview

Meep. Meep.

Lance Iversen-USA TODAY Sports

The LOLdsters among you know that ACME was never able to leverage their dirty political connections to create a tasting menu of roadrunner confit, rillettes, or sous vide. This will not be an issue today.

Bears have claws. And teeth. Big, sharp, nasty teeth. Roadrunners get eaten. At some point, meep turns to eep and the end result is delicious. As an amuse bouche, I'd highlight the dunk turnovers as an excellent choice.

Unlike sub-mid-majors who try to even the playing field by playing at a glacial pace, the Roadrunners have gone the other way by playing past and trying to use a high pressure defense. But like the Lilliputians essentially succeeded in only irritating Gulliver, the CSU-Bakersfield squad have essentially been solely an annoyance to their opposition that is typically resolved with a topical cream.

If not for Cal's ridiculously charitable predisposition towards for making out-matched opponents appear like Final Four contenders, I would go all in with a woofing Gods prediction that this is the game to expect Chipotle or waffles, or Chia pets, or whatever.

The stats say that this team can't shoot, turns it over, and plays remotely passable defense while trying to hustle on the boards. The record says that 1-11 speaks for itself.

As an attempt to compensate for their lack of size, the Roadrunners have a philosophy of pressing on defense. If you're allowed to substitute mistletoe for dunks, better store up on that Chapstick, playah.


G Jalyin Airington(So), 6'0, 180 lbs, 6.2 pgg, 36.5% FG
G Javonte Maynor(Sr), 6.0 180 lbs, 6.7 ppg 25.7% FG
G Cortez Connors(Jr), 6'2, 188 lbs, 5.3 ppg, 39% FG
F Aly Ahmed(Jr), 6'9 250 lbs, 14.0 ppg, 5.4 rpg
F Kevin Mays(Jr), 6'4, 220 lbs 8.8 ppg, 9.7 rpg

G Brent Wrapp(Fr), 6'3, 175 lbs
G Dashawn Richmond(Jr), 6'3, 200 lbs
F Kregg Jones(Sr), 6'8, 225 lbs

Key Players:

Aly Ahemd leads them in scoring. He's big. Kevin Mays leads them in rebounding. He's sort of a tweener. For the rest of the players, imagine that the names are made up and the points are not real. Because that is apparently how they feel whenever they fling one up in the generously remote vicinity of the basket.

Keys to the Game:

1) Ignore the hyperbole

Look, idjut writers will unleash the snark and what-have-you. We haven't put away anyone in a convincing fashion for over a month. Today would be the day.

2) Out-execute over out-athlete

This is a game where we could play like garbage, yet still win because we're bigger, stronger, faster. Big picture, that's a loss. We should blow this one open because we can pass, cut, move, defend and play better team ball.

3)  Release the Kravish

Throw it down, Big Man.  One time.  Please?

None of us have any idea what's going on with a guy we had projected to be our senior leader.  Perhaps this will be the game where he breaks out and can build some confidence heading into conference play.

4)  Send Tyrone home early

We all know that play #1 is Wallace-Attack and play #2 is Wallace-Jumper.  For our sanity, it'd be nice to develop some balanced scoring options around him.

5)  Ain't even gonna say it for this game.

Go Bears!

Tip-off: 7pm
TV: Pac-12 Networks
Radio: KGO 810