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Manti Te'o & His Stanford Lies: Caption Contest!

Our caption contest on Manti Te'o has all sorts of Cal connections.

Jonathan Daniel

Manti Te'o is a liar.

You might have already read Lindsay's excellent takedown of this so-called American hero (if you haven't, read away). However, she skipped over the one offense that could very well jeopardize Te'o's standing from here to eternity.

So Te'o is in bad shape. He's clearly made some bad decisions that are going to affect his future prospects as a football player, and at the very least how he's perceived by his peers and his future coaches. His fabrication is already reverberating throughout the national landscape, and his statements seem almost indefensible.

So Manti. Explain yourself. Explain where you found this mythical creature, this Lennay Kekua, this "attractive Stanfurd girlfriend" of yours.

Manti, how could you have thought you would've found an attractive Stanfurd girlfriend? That's like saying you ride a five-horned unicorn with golden grills to work. Or it's like saying your diet consists of hunting for wooly mammoths, stripping them of their meat, and sleeping all bundled up in their shaved skins.

"Their stares got pleasantly tangled, then Manti Te'o extended his hand to the stranger with a warm smile and soulful eyes."

Te'o, finding a warm blooded Stanfurd female with a soul? He might as well have opened the Ark of the Covenant.

So we tried to think of all the other bizarre Stanfurd falsehoods that might be unfolding within Te'o's confused and clearly troubled mind.

  • Manti Te'o believes Stanfurd students earn their 4.0 GPAs trying to keep up with the demands of an imposing work schedule.
  • Manti Te'o believes Stanfurd students never drop out because they're the best and brightest and don't need anyone to hold their hands, feet, or heads to pass right through.
  • Manti Te'o thinks Stanfurd graduates are well-loved, well-received, productive members of society.
  • Manti Te'o believes Stanfurd students know how to use computers, phones, or technology.
  • Manti Te'o really enjoys the fine tunes of the Stanfurd Marching Band Leland Junior House of Noise.
  • Manti Te'o thinks Stanfurd fans go to football games. Or sporting events. Or exist.

What other lies can Manti Te'o tell us about Stanfurd? Rec your favorites!