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At one point in time, you all have probably played the Kill, Marry, Screw game. That''s the game where you're given three names, and you have to choose which one you'd rather kill, marry, and.... well, you know. If haven't played that hypothetical game, you're probably more mature than the rest of us who have.
In a fun football-related twist to that game, we've asked our fearless leaders to choose one game in the upcoming 2012 season for which Cal wins big (30+ point margin), Cal barely wins (3 point margin), Cal barely loses (3 point margin), and Cal loses big (30+ point margin).
The key is that you're not trying to predict which games Cal will win big, barely win, etc., but instead you're forced to pick a game in which they'll win big, barely win, barely lose, and lose big time (as if you could choose the outcomes).
Get it?
Good. I'll go first.
CAL WINS BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
-If there is any game I want Cal to win big this year it's against USC. We haven't beat them since 2003. They will probably be ranked in the Top 10 most of the season if not the Top 5. A huge 30+ point win against them, in the Coliseum, would get Cal some mad respect.
CAL BARELY WINS (3 POINT MARGIN)
-This is perhaps a too easy choice but I have to go with Stanfurd. It doesn't matter how much we beat them by, so long as we beat them.
CAL BARELY LOSES (3 POINT MARGIN)
-Ohio State. I know the Cal vs. Ohio State is perhaps one of the biggest non-conference games for Cal in the past 5 years and perhaps even the past 10 years, and beating them would do wonders for Cal's reputation east of the Rockies, but a close loss to Ohio State wouldn't be completely horrible. It would show we can run with the big boys, and we would have done it on a national theater in the Horseshoe.
CAL LOSES BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
-Choosing a game where Cal has to lose big time is always tough, but as much as I hate Oregon, if I were to lose to any team on the schedule this year, it'd probably be Oregon. Why? Well, losing by 30 points to Oregon isn't totally shameful. Have you seen that offense? They can hang 50 points on almost any defense in the nation. "Only" losing to Oregon by 30 points can sometimes be seen as an accomplishment.
And here's what the rest of our fearless leaders said...
ATOMSAREENOUGH
CAL WINS BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
Washington. Just to see the looks on their faces. I want to see an absolute drubbing, replete with humiliating big plays and mocking chants from the Cal faithful at Memorial. Does that sound vindictive? Yes.
CAL BARELY WINS (3 POINT MARGIN)
USC. I really want to win this game, and honestly, it doesn't really matter what the margin is; a win is a win, and it'd be a big deal. If we were playing USC at Memorial this year and Washington in Seattle, I might have reversed these.
CAL BARELY LOSES (3 POINT MARGIN)
Hydro nailed it. Ohio State. Showing up in the Horseshoe and hanging tough against the Buckeyes will give us some national credibility, even if we lose.
CAL LOSES BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
Yeah, definitely Oregon. Their offense can go off at any time. If things get out of hand against them, it sucks, but hey, it can happen to anyone.
UNCLESAM22
CAL WINS BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
Washington. I'd just love to kill them.
CAL BARELY WINS (3 POINT MARGIN)
U$C. I'd like a larger margin, but any victory over $C would be great.
CAL BARELY LOSES (3 POINT MARGIN)
Oregon. Show the world again that we're the best at shutting their O down.
CAL LOSES BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
Probably UCLA. It wouldn't hurt us in the North standings and while it would suck, I'd rather lose to them than furd or tOSU.
OHIOBEAR
CAL WINS BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
The Big Game. After losing the Axe two years in a row, one of the times in a massive blowout, I want to wrest the Axe back in a big way. CAL BARELY WINS (3 POINT MARGIN)
I'm tempted to go with Ohio State here, just because it would be great to have a marquee nonconference road win and (selfishly) woofing rights out here. But I am going to go with Oregon here because of what a win like that would do for us in the conference. Oregon is the alpha dog of the Pac-12 North. Best case scenario, beating them so late in the season (Nov. 10) might be significant for the Pac-12 North race. Even if we're not in the hunt, we can point to a win like this as a great win that shows we are peaking in November.
CAL BARELY LOSES (3 POINT MARGIN)
Not seeing a whole lot of good choices for this. But I will go with USC on this one. Having not beaten the Trojies since 2003 and not since 2000 in L.A., it would be nice to get a win. But the next best thing would be a competitive game, as we have not been close to beating them in recent years.
Do I really have to pick one of these? I hate getting blown out. Hate it, hate it, hate it. But if I really have to choose one game, I guess I'll go with Utah. This would be the easiest one to cope with psychologically. The Utah game is on the road on October 27, sandwiched between emotional games against Stanf*rd the previous week and Washington the following week. Especially if we beat Stanf*urd in the Big Game, we could chalk up getting blown out at Utah as a letdown game, and look forward to Washington.
KODIAK
CAL WINS BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
I want the Axe. And Furd tears are always the sweetest.
CAL BARELY WINS (3 POINT MARGIN)
'SC. No win will do more for our program than an upset against a national title contender on the road.
CAL BARELY LOSES (3 POINT MARGIN)
Oregon. But only if it involves some excruciating quirk of fate like a questionable penalty on a controversial playcall that results in a change of possession and a critical special teams blunder.
I'd like to say Nevada. Because no one will remember a season-opening faceplant if we can right the ship and knock off a few favored opponents.
Instead, I'll go with Ohio State. If I'm going to lose big, then lose on the road to an out of conference ranked opponent. I'd rather not give that same sort of bragging rights or recruiting edge to our conference foes.
VINCENT S
CAL WINS BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
Washington. It's not the game I want to win the most, but I think that Cal fans would derive more happiness out of a blowout win than any other game this year (yes, even Stanford).
CAL BARELY WINS (3 POINT MARGIN)
Stanford I just want a win; it doesn't matter how.
CAL BARELY LOSES (3 POINT MARGIN)
Ohio State. No one outside of Cal community thinks we have a chance to stay within 2 touchdowns. It also doesn't hold any weight for Pac-12 standings. If we have to barely lose a game, I'll take this one.
CAL LOSES BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
I thought about putting Oregon here, but that counts against us twice because Oregon is in the Pac-12 North. I'll pick USC. At this point, one more year doesn't make that big a difference, right?
TWISTNHOOK
CAL WINS BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
Southern Utah. Do I need to write more? I can if you want. You know that.
CAL BARELY WINS (3 POINT MARGIN)
Washington State. I suspect they will take a step forward this year and Cal's record on the road is not always great. Not always.
CAL BARELY LOSES (3 POINT MARGIN)
Oregon. We seem to be able to hold them down pretty well at home, winning in 2004, 2006, and 2008. We almost beat them in 2010 when they went to the National Championship game.
CAL LOSES BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
USC. *sobs*
Secret Internal Email Discussion That Has Been Declassified
Atomsareenough: That doesn't make a lot of sense, Twist. I think maybe you're missing the framework for this exercise.
For example, I think you do need to write more about Southern Utah. I think we're likely to win big against them anyway, so why would you waste your chosen outcome on that game? For that matter, why would you pick USC to lose big to, if it makes you sob?TwistNHook: I see now that I failed to fully read the prompt. Please disregard. This is what happens when I try.OhioBear: For your career's sake, it's a good thing you read the bar exam questions more carefully.TwistNHook: Look, OhioBear, I don't need you tell me how to sautee a delightful chicken in this thread, OK!Atomsareenough: ...is the bar exam multiple choice?TwistNHook: Day 2 is 6 hours of multiple choice!OhioBear: That's the fun day.UncleSam22: Well I guess we know that Christmas treeing actually works then!
RAGNAROK (CUGEL, concurring)
Big Win: Furd -- I will never get tired of beating them by any margin, ever, but man, would I love to pour it on.
Close Win: @USC -- Any win over USC will make my year.
Close Loss: @tOSU -- No shame in losing to an Urban Meyer-coached perennial powerhouse on the road. Putting up a good fight with a national TV audience would be enough.
Big Loss: @Utah -- Because it's on the road, out of our division, and when it comes on the schedule, not that many people will notice.
LEONPOWE
Big Win: USC - Top 5 team. And it'll balance out the shit storm that will happen due to my Big Loss choice
big Loss - southern utah - most meaningless game on the schedule. Maybe everyone went to Chipolte before the game.
Close Win: Furd. In fact it'd be awesome to beat them on a 5 lateral kick-off return or interception or any of the 12 degrees of losing losses that inflict pain on their fanbase.
Close lose - OSU - yeah, I'd really like to win, but if we're going to lose, let's lose out of conference and on the road
BERKELIUM97
CAL WINS BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
Ohio State: it would do wonders for the morale of the program to head out to the Horseshoe and deliver a whuppin' to one of college football's most storied programs.
CAL BARELY WINS (3 POINT MARGIN)
Oregon: this would be a huge win in terms of Pac-12 North standings. Plus, it would be nice to shut up some Oregon fans and reclaim CGB North.
CAL BARELY LOSES (3 POINT MARGIN)
USC: no shame in taking a top-ranked team to the wire on the road.
CAL LOSES BIG (30+ POINT MARGIN)
Utah: they're outside our division, so the loss won't give one of our northern rivals an extra win. Secondly, we will be coming off a Big Game so a flat performance will be excusable.