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Cal-Utah Report Card: EXPULSION

After several weeks of academic probation, the Bears have refused to turn around their act and have been expelled. Jeff Tedford and company have been asked to clean out their dorms by the administration. But seriously though, has there been a worst performance for the Bears in recent history? The beat down in Tennessee was bad, the multiple losses to Oregon and USC have been bad, but has there been anything worst than losing to an Utah team as unimpressive as this..? This hurts.

Russ Isabella-US PRESSWIRE

What can you say about a team that allows two-win Utah to cruise to a 36-point lead?

Category Average Score Standard Deviation
Pass offense .147 .155
Rush offense .178 .162
Pass defense .216 .220
Rush defense .143 .153
Special teams .042 .073
Coaching .031 .071
Overall .087 .010
Win probability vs. UW 11.2% (-53.1 %) .146

These scores make baby Oski cry. This is, by far, the worst set of scores we have ever handed out. This makes last year's UCLA report card look downright rosy.

Coaching earns the lowest score we have ever seen, setting another new record. The previous low was .049, set last week by our 3-yard rushing performance in the Big Game.

We've had individual category scores that were higher than the sum of these scores.

For the second week in a row we have a 50+% drop in our chances of beating our upcoming opponent. Remember when we were all excited for the UW game?

I've noticed we tend to hand out many more awards following losses. Maybe it's to lift everyone's spirits, maybe it's because misery brings out the best in us. In any case, let's hand out some awards!


Editor's Choice Awards:

The first award we have goes to everyone! That's right, you all followed directions and submitted scores between 0 and 1. Usually we have a handful of respondents who give out letter grades or grades from 0 to 10. Good work! You all get a smiley star.


We have the Chairman of the Search Committee award for alpha 1906 whose report card is below:

Name alpha1906
Pass offense Herm Edwards
Rush offense Bobby Petrino
Pass defense Greg Roman
Rush defense Mark Helfrich
Special teams Jon Gruden
Coaching Mike Bellotti
Overall James Franklin
Win probability vs. UW Gus Malzahn

Next up is mitchgobears who earns the Have Your Pi and Eat It Too award. Every response was some variant of .31415926 (usually with two or three 0s as the first digits).

Finally we have the The SAHPC Computers Have Oregon Trail Installed?! award for "You can't see me with this bag on my head." Actually, you earn another award for having the best username this week. Anyway, the grade for the coaches was as follows:

Depends on what sort of coaching... to win the game =.0015. Coaching to get run over and shoot ourselves in the foot so we die of dysentery while our oxen die when fording the goddamn river again? .95

As always, we have our usual threesome of awards.

Tedford's Sunshine Pumpers:

Tedford's Sunshine Pumpers Total Score Percentage
1. 80Bear 2.60 37.14%
2. storky 2.35 33.57%
3. VermontBear 2.00 28.57%
3. FiatSlug 2.00 28.57%
5. Oaklandishbear 1.80 25.71%

Not surprisingly, these are the lowest scores we have ever seen for the Sunshine Pumpers.

Old Blues:

Old Blues Total Score Precentage
1. seriously-this is it 0.00 0.00%
1. GBB4188 0.00 0.00%
1. golden oso 0.00 0.00%
1. c98 0.00 0.00%
1. prd74 0.00 0.00%
1. resbear 0.00 0.00%
1. CalBandGreat 0.00 0.00%
1. Rollonyoubears111 0.00 0.00%
1. Tedterd 0.00 0.00%
1. calfan4ever 0.00 0.00%
1. GoldenBear8933 0.00 0.00%
1. 0 0.00 0.00%
1. IwillDonate$1000ToTheFireTedfordFund 0.00 0.00%
1. Oski4Heisman 0.00 0.00%

We had a 14-way tie for the top Old Blue this week!

Finally we have The Voice of Reason, which goes to those whose grades were closest to the community average.

The Voice of Reason:

The Voice of Reason Deviation
1. FromCtoShining(Blue)C 0.058
2. Rose Bowl Oski 0.070
3. You can't see me with this bag on my head 0.071
4. 4th Gen Bear 0.081
5. dgh911t 0.082

Now let's move onto the comments:


Gameday Experience:

justbear: FIRE TEDFORD

FromCtoShining(Blue)C: I'm not even mad anymore because...Cal


#14 Reggie Dunn: DERPITUDE

4th Gen Bear: Blackouts usually end up as funerals. This one was Cal's

hardtobecalfan: i don't like the angry, negative person that football makes me. cal football used to bring me joy.

You can't see me with this bag on my head: I'm glad I didn't go to the bar in DC. we probably would have had to have shots after the first Quarter.

CoBears: Sucked. Made me wish I had DirecTV so I couldn't see it.

Ursus arctos californicus: A comfortably numb feeling overall.

golden oso: FIRE TEDFORD!

Berliner Bear: Struggling team is winless in conference, starting a true freshman QB, best defensive player sidelined... luckily for them the Cal Bears are coming to town...

So cliche...

texashaterforlife: UH......FIRE EVERYBODY! Cuz now Cal fans know it isn't just tedford. All I can think about is HOW IN HELL DID WSU PUT UP MORE POINTS AGAINST STANFORD THEN US?!?!?

CalBandGreat: Watched the game with goldenoso and a friend at Pappy's. No one else there cared about the game. All TVs except for one in the corner had the Giants game on. It was sad. I did shots though, so I think I won.

npyoung35: Thank god I didn't have to watch this whole game.

Passing Offense

hardtobecalfan: richard rodgers' long catch and run is the only good pass play i can remember that did not come in garbage time.

Berliner Bear: All future defenses will be licking their chops going against our passing game. The front seven will tee off on Maynard, the secondary will have their fill of tipped ball interceptions, and any hard-hitter will be rewarded with our guys coughing up the ball.

alpha1906: Like seeing a car run a light and barely miss a t-boning accident, only for Godzilla to crush it.

storky: I'm continually baffled as to why they continue to call plays for Maynard that he simply can't do. When has he ever shown the ability to throw precise downfield (>25 yrds) sideline passes? When has he ever been solid in the pocket? They need to only call roll-out passes to receivers where an overthrow (and you know Maynard will do a few of those per game) won't cause an interception.

Dismiss Tedford.

Oaklandishbear: Same old, same old. Poor performance until the 4th quarter when ZM got half of his yards, but the game was already decided. Another pick on a poorly thrown ball tipped by KA21 but high and behind. Only bright spot was Harper, and even he had a fumble.

FiatSlug: If Maynard were mediocre it would be an improvement.

But seriously, I'm glad to see that the ball was spread around, if it only meant that more weapons were available.

Harper lead with 7 catches followed by Allen with 5, Rodgers with 3, Harris, Bouza, Bigelow, Stevens, Treggs, and Sofele with 1 apiece

BrooklynBear: On the first possession, there's a 3rd and 3. Cal is lined up on the left hash with two WRs to the right side of the formation. ZM gets pressured, I guess being lefty, he rolls to the left (short-side) and runs out of space. I wonder: is he incapable of making a 3 yard out to the right side in that situation? That summed up the entire 1st half, beyond turnovers.

Iwilldonate$1000tothefiretedfordfund: How can you not find your best receiver until the end of the 3rd quarter? Fire Tedford; I can't wait for Zach Kline (aka "The Truth" and a coach who can execute again).

Rose Bowl Oski: Why did Cal show the bubble screen/lateral play when they were already down by 600 points?

Running Offense

puresilence: bigelow, otherwise bad

Ursus arctos californicus: Bigelow has obviously insulted Tedford's mother and that's why he's never played. Other than that it would seem irrational.

chicagobear: very poor front seven, very few tackles for loss, line gets push back, linebackers gets blocked and can't make plays, makes many running backs look great

Oaklandishbear: I really can't believe Coach Gould is keeping BB out of the game. I have a ton of respect for Coach, and people keep saying the rotations are his call, but really? Had some early success running the ball, but abandoned prematurely IMO when we got down. Only 17 carries by backs...

FiatSlug: Bigelow needs more touches. Period.

No one has more heart than Sofele, but he's not enough to break big runs on his own; the o-line is struggling.

Maynard should not have 11 carries. Oh wait, four of those carries were sacks.

Iwilldonate$1000tothefiretedfordfund: How does Bigelow only get one carry? He is our DeAnthony and the coaching staff has yet to develop plays for him to be successful. Who cares if he doesn't know the playbook, teach him 10 plays he needs to learn where he will be the focus of the offense. Such a joke. Fire Tedford, Fire Gould.
Rose Bowl Oski: We need more Bigelow the way Christopher Walken needs more cowbell.

BrooklynBear: Painful.

Pass Defense

Oski4Heisman: Sack Tedford.

hardtobecalfan: he had all day to throw

Berliner Bear: They allowed a true freshman to be an efficient "game manager". Sounds pretty lousy to me.

alpha1906: Like being George Washington firing on the British at the Battle of Yorktown.

storky: Steve Williams is a stud, and it helps to play against a freshman QB.

Boot Tedford.

Oaklandishbear: Decent, I guess. Gave up 67% completions, but only 156 yds. Too many 3rd down conversions, though. Some really nice pass break-ups by Hill and Williams, plus Lowe got a pick (but why did he run it out of the end zone?)

chicagobear: front 4 can't get pressure on any quarterback this year

koalaballa: im sure we can find some way to put bigelow here. It seems like we weren't victimized by BS PI calls this week - we need to find a happy medium between playing "good coverage" without being assessed PI calls

Run Defense

Oaklandishbear: Much like last week, I'm not going to hate on the defense. Yeah, they gave up 188 yds, but the offense left them on the field far too much in the 2nd and 3rd quarters. Really missed McCain and Scarlett, though. Camporeale and Broussard didn't contain too well. Sebastian missed a couple of tackles, too. Nice play by Mullins in his start, though.

chicagobear: very poor front seven, very few tackles for loss, line gets push back, linebackers gets blocked and can't make plays, makes many running backs look great

FiatSlug: Actually, reasonably well given the bad press the D-line has been getting. Utah carried the rock 45 times for a net 188 yards (2 were sacks), but scored 4 TDs.

Rose Bowl Oski: At least their star RB didn't run for 189 yards.

mitchgobears: unprepared

storky: I think this is the most obvious example of how the Bears have given up. So many missed tackles! They've lost energy to run hard to gaps and close down the running lanes. Of course, there are quite a few LB injuries, but Utah is an objectively terrible team (and clearly, so are the Bears).

Lay Off Tedford.

CalBandGreat: God awful. What the fuck was up with that touchdown where the Utah guy walked into the endzone with no Cal player within 5 yards of him?

Berliner Bear: I almost want to comment about Cal missing 3 out of 4 starting linebakcers, but I won't make excuses.

Special Teams

hardtobecalfan: d'amato is now the best thing about our special teams. i don't even remember ever seeing us give up 2 100 yard kickoff return TDs. a new low.

80Bear: The worst. Can't we cover a kickoff?

Berliner Bear: Cal was the first team in history to give Utah two KO return TDs. We really are wonderful opponents.

CoBears: Wow. You want Tedford fired as much as I do? Thanks, but that wasn't the only way to get it done.

You can't see me with this bag on my head: And another 100 yard touchdown return.

puresilence: d'amato makin' fgs, but otherwise bad

#14 Reggie Dunn: I would like to thank Coaches Tedford & Genyk for their excellent kickoff coverage teams. They allowed me to have a career day today - YES!!!111!!!


dgh911t: Tedford needs to go.

Rollonyoubears111: HahahahahhhahH. Yeah. Bwahahahhahaha. And the players were not executing either.

Tedterd: Tedford is a disgrace to the University and the game of football.
This DOUCHE makes Tom Holmoe look like Vince Lombardi.

goldbear: Has anyone heard of coaching Alzheimer's ?

koalaballa: Our coaching does not put our players in a position to win the game. It would be more acceptable if our playcalls and schemes catered to our strengths and we lost because we were outplayed by the better team. But not only are we outplayed by the better team, we continue to ask our players to do things they aren't talented at doing. Maynard is not a good long distance pocket passer. And Sofele isn't a power back (but is asked to play like one). Tedford's system caters to strong pocket passers, and power running backs. We don't have either, and each depends on the other. Although we have good talent, it doesn't match with the scheme, and that is why our on the field performance suffers - the automobile analogy is that our car has a massive motor but we're stuck in first gear because the transmission ratio doesn't match precisely. The knee-jerk reaction would be to fire the head coach because that is a simple action with an emotional release, but there is absolutely no data to show that our W-L ratio would improve! It is a tough situation to analyze because NO ONE ELSE has coached the Golden Bears since 2002. Yes, Zack Kline is the future, and yes, our facilities should be attractive enough to stock the offense with players that will cater to his (still unknown) talents. We also have to take into account that Tedford is the highest paid employee of the state, and although his bonuses don't come from that source, the university still needs to manage the perception that they are making the right decisions.

The real question is, can Cal consistently support a competitive college football program in the Pac-12, while retaining its talent, recruiting, and rewarding its fan base?

You can't see me with this bag on my head: Before this season I wanted to give Tedford at least one more year. After this week (GSR numbers and this game) I wouldn't be surprised if he is gone at end of year. I'm really expecting there to be an announcement by the end of the season that he is gone or resigned. That was just a bad bad bad performance.

CoBears: LOL. Tedford has even forgotten his old chessboard routine prepping for games . . . Use Bigelow more? Check(mate). Prepare the team for a critical game? Check(mate). I could go on and on, but the King is already dead.

Ursus arctos californicus: This coaching is making old blues younger every week.

Overall Performance

GBB4188: That was one of the worst games I have ever seen. Ever.

c98: pfttt.

prd74: All the guilt is being focused on the coaches, but what about the other half of the equation? People act like the players have no part in the low GSR and the terrible play on the field. To come out with no emotion against Stanfurd was unbelievable, given that ALL previous generations of Cal men have done so with nothing to gain but their pride. And now tonight this same group of multiple star athletes stink up the place against the lowly Utah Utes. When other teams bash Cal as being a home for perennial losers, this group has fit that stereotype to a tee. Yes, it is obvious that there is some bad coaching going on, but some of these men wearing the blue and gold need to look into a mirror and see where they fit in the blame game.

mitchgobears: unprepared

calfan4ever: FIRE TEDFORD NOW

GoldenBear8933: FML

alpha1906: Tyler Perry as Alex Cross meets a racist, sexist, rant by Mel Gibson.

storky: This team has given up. There is no way they beat either of the Oregon teams, and since UW just beat Oregon St., the UW game is also a probable loss. The season is over, and we need to focus on what's next: next season and the next coach.

Bye bye Tedford!

Oaklandishbear: I thought the Big Game was a low point, but this was worse (except for the whole losing your rivalry game at home thing.) The worst offense in the Pac-12 put up 49 points on us. Pathetic. And I booked my return flight home leaving Vienna extremely early just so I wouldn't miss the UW game. I've a feeling I'm going to regret that move.

FiatSlug: Start the guys who want to play

BrooklynBear: Nothing powerful - toss sweeps.
No end arounds. No misdirection.

Gameplan felt very much like cruise control.