I know I told you you could do the DBD this morning. I know that you might think I'm a backstabbing back-room brawler like Balls Mahoney after this. And, although I can swing a mean folding chair, it ain't like that!
Well, I'm sorry. I can't wait any longer for you. We need a DBD up this morning. And I can't allow the politics of failure to fail! I know that this might be awkward. But if it'll make you feel any better, why don't you read FMLife?
See, my fav new site is FMLife. There's nothing of additional hilarity I can add to the site, so here are a few of my favorite ones.
Today, my mom had my girlfriend and I over. Out of the blue, she pulled out my grandmothers wedding ring and gave it to me saying I can now propose. My girlfriend started screaming and said yes. I have been seeing someone else for 3 months and was going to break up with my girlfriend tomorrow. FML
Today, I was typing up a love letter on my computer. A sexual love letter. I was in a classroom, I'm the teacher, I'm gay, and my love letter showed up on the tv screen while my 7th grade students were taking a test. It was up on the screen for 15 minutes. FML
Today, my dad had gotten a new cell phone. So I started to mess around with the cool features on his phone and stumbled upon some pictures he had taken. Next thing I know I'm looking at my mom going down on my dad. FML
Today, I was standing in the parking lot with my sister, after my aunt's funeral, when my grandma walks up and says to my sister, "You're the one going places in life, I'm proud to have you as a grand daughter." She then looked at me, and walked away. FML
Today, my teacher confiscated my cell phone for text messaging. He said he would give it back if the next text that I would receive was important. I prayed the guy I've been texting didn't send the dick pic he said he was going to. He did. FML
Today, I was at church and saw a blind teenager who obviously felt lost. Feeling like I should help I went over and asked if he needed anything. He said, "I can't find my caretaker." I asked, "What does she look like?" FML
This one is EPIC:
Today, to ask a boy I really liked to my school's turnabout dance, I gave him a box full of 10 cupcakes that spelled out T-U-R-N-A-B-O-U-T-?. The boy gave the box back a little later. There were two cupcakes left inside. It said N-O. FML
Today, I walked home from a guy's dorm early in the morning, still wearing my dress and heels from the night before. I walked by a mother and her little daughter, who said "Mommy, why is she so dressed up so early in the morning?" and the mom replied "Because honey, she makes bad decisions." FML
Today, I put my hand into a vending machine to retrieve a bottle of water that was caught in the slot. After a minute, I realized I was trapped. 2 hours, 4 fire trucks, 3 police cars, and 1 ambulance later I was freed. The vending machine was in pieces and the bottle of water wasn't even for me. FML
Today, I was drunk and horny. So I texted "I want to fuck your pussy" to my girlfriend. I later realized that I had accidentally substituted the s for the p, and actually said "I want to fuck your puppy." FML
Today, this guy that I have been in love with for two years asked me into an empty classroom. He handed me a bouquet of flowers and a t-shirt that he silk screened "prom?" on to. I said it was the most adorable thing I had ever seen. He asked if I thought that my best friend would like it. FML
And one final bit of hilarity:
Today, I emailed my boyfriend from work. Out of habit, I absent-mindedly entered my department into the "From" field. My boyfriend didn't notice when he replied. Now my entire department knows I want to "drop to my knees and suck him when I get home." And he plans to "finish on my face." FML
Got any embarrassing stories, my dear CGB brethren that can beat these???
Cal women lost to ASU:
BERKELEY, Calif. (AP) - The California Golden Bears fell 63-41 to the Arizona State Sun Devils Thursday night at Haas Pavilion. The Sun Devils won their school-record 15th straight game.
In a battle for second place in the Pac-10, the Sun Devils (23-6, 15-2) went on a 15-2 run midway through the second half and limited Cal to 31 percent shooting to break a four-game losing streak against the Bears (23-5, 14-3).
Devanei Hampton had 14 points for Cal, which made just 14 of 44 shots and tied its season low for points.
A jump hook by Hampton closed the Bears to 36-32, the closest they got since early in the first half. But the Sun Devils scored 12 straight, keyed by a 3-pointer and two free throws by Orsillo to go up 48-32 with 6:16 remaining.
The conference's top defense held the conference's leading scorer, Cal's Ashley Walker, to just eight points. It was the fourth time Walker was limited to single digits this season.
Cal missed 11 of its first 12 shots and trailed 17-6 following the first 3-pointer of the season by Arizona State's Gabby Fage, who then made her second 3-pointer with 4:28 left in the half to give the Sun Devils their biggest lead at 24-12.