You might have noticed recently a new ad on the left side of the screen there. It's post-modern, it's Cubist, and it's evokes the strong impression of a Marc Chagall print. Live it, love it, make it your own.
From this ad, we make money. Think of a number in your head right now. Keep thinking of that number. Now triple that. Now, add 40. Now, multiply that number by Marshawn. That's how much we get. I know. I know! It's a lot and we are so very happy about it.
Of course, at first, we were going to use it for personal expenses. HydroTech was going to use his share towards the "Win A Massage By Nate Longshore" contest. Yellow Fever was going to buy several thousand DeSean Iggles jerseys. And I was going to buy a slave. Yes, an honest to goodness slave.
But then it came to our attention that others amongst us decided to put their earnings towards the World's Greatest High School Marching Band, the World's Most Fight Song Stealingest Maching Band, the World's SukSomWongiest Marching Band the UCLA Marching Band.
So, out of pure spite and rage and spite (don't forget the spite, the lovely, lovely spite), we have decided to forgo our DeSean Jerseys and slaves and donate all the funds we receive to the Best Damn Band In The Land, the Internet Sensation, THE CALIFORNIA MARCHING BAND!
We still do this all for the money. Always have. Always will. One of my dreams is to buy a giant pool, fill it with money, and then kill the USC Marching Band (not necessarily in that order). Then, after my tiring USC Marching Band killing afternoon, I can relax in my pool of money, ScroogeNHook style.
So, in conclusion, continue to send us money. Because only the money from that specific ad is going to the band. We'll continue to pocket the rest. GO BEARS!
PS Nobody has to actually tell the band about this empty promise, right? Let's just keep it between you and me, smashed hat.