FanPost

EATING THE ENEMY: teh OHIO STATE BUCKEYES

Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports


Week 3 and a Merry GO BEARS TO YA! This week the The Fightin' Tattooed Tressels The Murderer Harboring Meyers Buckeyes of an Ohio State University make their way to California Memorial Stadium for what should be a thriller. Or not. At least it should be competitive. Or not. What we do know is that there will be some sort of tackle football contest on Saturday.

This week we dive deep into the worst state of the deep-fried, cornfed, obesity ladened Midwest for culinary inspiration and bring you BUCKEYE BALLS!!! Or as I like to call them Diabeetus in pill form. So what exactly is a buckeye? Turns out that IT'S A POISONOUS FUCKIN' NUT FROM SOME GODDAMN TREE IN OHIO! WHY OHIO, WHY?!?!

Buckeye-tree-nut-lg_medium

via lh5.googleusercontent.com

The nut of a Buckeye tree is similar in appearance to a chestnut, but you wouldn't want to roast these over an open fire. The nuts, leaves, and sprouts (especially in early Spring) contain a toxin that is harmful to humans. Deaths from ingestion have been reported.

via http://www.appalachiaandbeyond.com/2011/03/poisonous-plants-series-part-2-nuts.html

So why would anyone want to eat a poisonous nut? Because LOLhio. Actually, some mouth breather discovered that if you combine peanut butter and chocolate in the correct proportion, you could essentially imagine what it would be like to eat a poisonous nut without choking on your own vomit, and still get diabeetus at the same time while sitting on your burning couch.

Couch_on_fire_display_image_medium

via cdn.bleacherreport.net

*Please note. The couch depicted in the above image may or may not belong to Vlad Belo. Odds are, it does belong to him, but the smart money is on CALumbus Bear who, in a scotch filled rage, cursed his own existence and poor life decision to move to Ohio.

Buckeye Candies

Buckeyes5_medium

via 4.bp.blogspot.com

1/4 cup (2 ounces) cream cheese, softened
1 1/2 cups peanut butter (smooth, but you can use chunky if you are looking for more texture)
1 cup graham cracker crumbs (from about 14 graham crackers)
Salt (optional, see note up top)
3 cups confectioners’ (powdered) sugar
10 tablespoons (1 1/4 sticks or 5 ounces) unsalted butter, melted and cooled
12 ounces dark chocolate (60 to 72%), coarsely chopped

Make the filling: In the bowl of an electric mixer, beat the cream cheese and peanut butter together until combined. Add the graham cracker crumbs and beat for 10 seconds. Add the sugar and butter, and mix on the lowest speed until it stops floating off everywhere, then increase the speed until the ingredients are combined. Scrape down the whole bowl well, then mix again. The mixture will be quite sturdy and a little dry — perfect for shaping. Set it aside while you prepare the coating.

Make the coating: Melt the chocolate either over a double boiler, stirring until it is completely smooth or in a microwave in 30 then 10 second increments, stirring before you start it again until it is completely smooth. Let it cool to tepid (about 100 degrees, though I’d go a little cooler next time for a thicker coating; I had a few ounces of chocolate leftover) while you shape the peanut butter centers. [Alternately, you can temper the chocolate (fairly simply instructions here) for a perfect showy finish.]

Assemble the candies: Line a sheet pan with parchment paper. Scoop out slightly more than one tablespoon’s worth of filling (their suggestion; I used a scoop that made them a little smaller) and use your hands to form it into a ball. Place the ball on the prepared sheet and repeat the process until all of the candies have been shaped. They can sit close to each other but make sure they are not touching.

Using a fork or large skewer, dip each ball into the chocolate and roll it about so that almost the entire candy is coating, leaving a small circle uncoated. Play around with a few practice pieces; I found it easiest to stick the skewer in the side, angle the bowl I was using towards it and make sure it became submerged as I rolled the candy around. But don’t fuss too much; even the "ugly" ones won’t go to waste.

Chill the buckeyes until they are set, about 30 minutes.

Recipe courtesy of http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2010/10/buckeyes/

Enjoy. Get fat, fatty. Become a burden on our healthcare system because you've earned it Mr. I'm-Only-Important-During-an-Election-Year. Better yet, LET'S DEEP FRY THAT F*CKER AND COVER IT IN MORE SUGAR AND CHOCOLATE!

L_medium

via s3-media1.ak.yelpcdn.c

mmmmm, mm. My arteries started hardening just posting that. Excuse me while I seek medical attention. 50 cc's of butter, STAT! Is there anything redeemable about Ohio? Maybe Kirk Herbstreit. He's just so dreamy.

Kirk_herbstreit_007_medium

via www.sportsbusinessdaily.com

But seriously, if there is one thing from Ohio I can be thankful for, its The Gits. Here to please enjoy music of teh peoples of Ohio please.

Another Shot of Whiskey

Happy Diabeetus and GO BEARS!

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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