The Pac-12 Family: Oregon

Stephen Dunn

This is the tenth in a twelve part series on the mythical origin of each Pac-12 school . . . up next: the Oregon Duck. (Part 1: USC, Part 2: ASU/UA, Part 3: UCLA, Part 4: Wazzu, Part 5: furd, Part 6: Utah, Part 7: Washington, Part 8: Oregon State, Part 9: Colorado)

Authors Note: This was originally meant to be released the week of the Cal/Oregon football game, but I was extra lazy that week and decided to push it off until the week of the Pac-12 Championship game because the Ducks were almost guaranteed a spot in the game . . . and then furd had to come along and screw the whole thing up. After that, I decided to just do it for one of the Oregon basketball games—I am sure that you have all been waiting in anticipation for this release, and I am also equally sure that it will disappoint and you will all BOOO me. Enjoy.

Up in the land of Oregon, not far from where the Beaver was gaining power, there was a group of people that refused to submit to the bumpkin from Corvallis and wished not to follow what they saw to be nothing more than a large rodent. Even though they correctly saw the Beaver as an inferior creature, it is not to be forgotten that these people were not all too different from the simpletons from Corvallis. Due to their simpleton nature, they began started to follow and pay homage to a flock of ducks. While the ducks were not the smartest creatures in the world either, they were just intelligent enough to fool their newfound followers into giving them bits of crackers and other crumbs. Eventually the ducks' followers began to grow weary of doing nothing but feeding their winged masters, and started to not pay their respects to the water fowl with as much frequency. The ducks started to become distraught that they were about to lose their followers and started to think up ways to keep them all in check, and eventually one of them with a loud quack came up with a sinister plan to maintain an endless supply of crackers. They decided to create one master duck to rule them all!


The Duck "descending from the heavens"

One night, after months of work, the ducks created a bright light in the sky and slowly lowered the new master duck in front of the unknowing people thinking that the creature was a gift from the gods. They quickly began to worship the master duck and gave him the simple name: the Oregon Duck. To this day, people do not quite understand how the flock of ducks created the Oregon Duck and some even believe that there is a dark secret that the master duck is keeping—but one thing is certain: the flock of ducks would never run out of crackers again.

Quickly after "descending from the heavens," the Oregon Duck got to work on creating the University of Oregon to help counter the growing influence of the Beaver and Oregon State University. To gain power, the Duck would often challenge to Beaver to battle and would even travel to challenge out-of-state powers like the drunken mistake Washington Husky. While the Duck would often find success against the Beaver, he really had no success against any of the other great beings in the west, whether it be the Husky of Washington, the USC Trojan, or the Sturdy Golden Bear of the University of California. The Duck's lack of success outside of Oregon made the water fowl angry so he went to work to try and fix the problem outside of his homeland. He eventually found what he was looking for: the powerful Sir Phillip of the realm of Nike. The knight had more riches than anyone could possibly fathom and began showering the Duck and his Oregonian institution with gold, silver, and phenomenal facilities. The Duck used his newfound riches to create great castles, temples, and monuments, including the near-impenetrable Fort Autzen and most recently the Temple of Nike, named after the Knight's home realm.

All of this led the Duck to great victories outside of his homeland and even attracted the evil wizard Kelly to lead the Oregonian troops on the field of battle. While leading the Duck's troops, Kelly was able to conquer the tournament of roses and defeat almost everyone that stood in the way of the new power. Eventually, however, the evil wizard grew restless and his eyes began to wander elsewhere. Soon after that, he would abandon the Duck for even more riches and it is not known whether or not the Oregonians will be able to keep up their dominance on the battle field without the evil wizard in tow. Despite some success for the warriors out of Fort Autzen, those that come from the great Temple deep in the woods have had a much harder time finding success. As a matter of fact, the great and all knowing Golden Bear has won ten straight over the Duck and his followers. Defeating the Duck in the temple, however, is no easy task because the Oregonians on the court of battle have in recent years grown in strength.

Tonight, the Golden Bear will do battle with Duck deep in the woods at the Temple of Nike . . . and from those woods you will hear loud GRRRRRRRRRAH as the Golden Bear defeats the Duck on the court of battle for an eleventh straight time. Also, tonight the Oregon Duck's darkest secret will be revealed that he


The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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