Buffaloed in Boulder: Cal Football v. Colorado Report Card

Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

Uh yeah, so that happened. Our Golden Bears played what would likely be considered their worst game of the year and lost to the Buffaloes, whom we previously thought were equally as bad as we were. SPOILER ALERT: They aren't; we're worse. Anyway, thanks to everyone that took the time to fill out a report card this week. GO BEARS!

Berkelium97: When I first pulled the data to run the numbers, I accidentally read in the file from the 2010 game against Colorado. That was a pleasant surprise. The results from the 2013 game against Colorado? UGLY. We're talking Stanford Dollies level of ugly. Let's just get this over and out of the way.

Average Standard Deviation
Pass Offense .081 .158
Rush Offense .291 .285
Pass Defense .063 .105
Rush Defense .168 .236
Special Teams .117 .200
Coaching .045 .109
Overall .061 .095
Win Chance vs. furd .057 .211

This is, by far, the worst report card we have ever seen. I know it seems like I've said that every week this season, but this is just abysmal. Offense was terrible. Defense was terrible. Special teams play was terrible. Coaching was terrible. EVERYTHING WAS TERRIBLE. And our win chances against the Lobsterbacks took a nosedive.

Sonny Delight

Name Grade
1. BTown85 3.21 (45.9%)
2. sec119 2.90 (41.4%)
3. Anand P. Tell 2.70 (38.6%)
4. Stay Golden 2.60 (37.1%)
5. EchoofSilence 2.36 (33.7%)

None of the optimists crossed the 50% threshold. That's bad.

Sonny Yikes (aka ribbon for participation)

Name Grade
1. atomsareenough 0.00 (0.0%)
1. Berkelium97 0.00 (0.0%)
1. beson 0.00 (0.0%)
1. c98 0.00 (0.0%)
1. Dyked 0.00 (0.0%)
1. golden oso 0.00 (0.0%)
1. Jacobs. 0.00 (0.0%)
1. rollonyoubears111 0.00 (0.0%)
1. schmidtty mcfunstuff 0.00 (0.0%)
1. SoCal Oski 0.00 (0.0%)

I figured I wouldn't be the only one with goose eggs across the board.

The Voice of Reason

Name Deviation
1. 1988goldenbear .064
2. Nor-Cal Scott .069
3. Man, did we ever suck in 1930 (jumping on the bandwagon here, formerly fuzzywuzzy) .083
4. sacman701 .087
5. kb2 .089

This was a pretty tough task this week because we had so many people giving 0s. Nice job, y'all.

I hope your comments are humorous this week. I really could use some gallows humor to complement this tire fire of a season. Let's turn things over to Sam and the comments.

Sam Fielder: I don't remember more unity in calling for a firing (even in the last Tedford days) or a greater abundance of long comments. Had I included them all this article would top out at over 10,000 words at least. You all were unhappy and wanted to talk about it! I do hope that even if your comments weren't included, at least writing them down was cathartic in some manner. So with all that said, on to the comments!

GameDay Experience

Jacobs.: Had an insanely, horrific migraine. I thought it was the medication that made me hallucinate Cal trampled by Colorado. Apparently I was wrong. What a miserable season.

gumibears: I had to go into work today and decided ill stream the game at work and it should at least be enjoyable. NOPE

Fire Goff and Bench Dykes: About as pleasant as being devoured by a pack of starving wildebeests

GoldenBear88: I'm not paying any attention AT ALL to Cal Football this week. It's just too painful. Holy cow, I can't believe how bad we are!!!!! We are now officially THE WORST TEAM IN THE PAC-12, IF NOT ALL OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!!!! That's what $471 million and change in stadium improvements will get you! We are OFFICIALLY CURSED!!!! This is the only explanation for all of Cal's football futility. We are the Chicago Cubs of college football! Memorial must have been built on top of an ancient Indian burial ground. Time to drop football down to D-III like the University of Chicago and get out of this crazy big-time, college football rat-race! I'm sorry but it is too painful to be a Golden Bear Football fan. I don't see us getting to a Rose Bowl in my lifetime (and I'm a young 48) so why bother? Better to spend the money on things we are good at like producing Nobel Prize winners (28 alums and counting) and changing the world with inventions like the computer mouse, Apple Computer, Intel, plutonium, etc. Have a nice day. Yours in Blue and Gold. OldBear88.

wow. i have nothing to say: sad sad sad day for cal football

beson: Embarrassingly sad. I don't even have anything to write. Blah.

Buffalo BEASTMODE over a Golden bear that does not seem so sturdy (formerly Texashaterforlife).: I LOVE WATCHING STANFORD LOSE AND HAVING THEIR BCS AND ROSE BOWL GAME CHANCES GO BELLY UP!!!

cheeseinvert: god f*cking damn, we suck.

Oaklandishbear: Planned the trip to see my Dad and hopefully a rare win this year. Folsom Field wasn't quite as picturesque as I had envisioned from the inside. The running of Ralphie is one of the coolest things in college sports. Wind was cold and biting for the first half, but calmed in the second. Left after the botched onside kick. That clenched it. Had a great post-game meal at the Boulder Chop House, though!

schmidtty mcfunstuff: I had to stop watching in the third quarter because of prior commitments, followed via twitter and found out about the onside TD. I first saw a tweet that said "that play basically sums up Cal season," when I found out what it was, it was worse than I originally thought. But it does sum it up well. Anytime we have a glimmer of hope, it is crushed in an absurdly ridiculous way.

mathghamhain: Went to Davis for the day... it was great to walk around knowing there was a good coach in the immediate area. I miss Ron Gould. Check my phone for the scores and listed to the end of the game driving home.

Old Bear 71: Four Excedrin day

Pass Offense

KeenanAllenFett: There were no counters to the press coverage on smoke routes and tunnel screens, and we went to them often on 1st down. 3 yards on 3rd and 10 was commonplace. too many incompletions to get to the pace needed for a win. I forgot Harper and Treggs were involved for a good portion of the game. Goff's deep ball is very ugly.

sec119: Was it the thin air? Are we not capable of playing in less than perfect, sea level, constant barometric pressure conditions?

wow. i have nothing to say: Goff or Kline did not impressed me today. Cannot wait till Luke Rubenzer gets on campus!

ososdeoro: This was the real loser today. While there were many instances of the quarterbacks having time to find a receiver, caused by a mildly competent day on the offensive line, the receivers just weren't having it. One really has to wonder why a receiving corps that can get open against just about any defense we've seen this year all of a sudden couldn't find a way to get open against the likes of Colorado. Truly baffling.

1988goldenbear: Not sure that anyone could have had great success throwing it deep with all that wind, and Goff was certainly off the mark all day despite having a bit of time to throw and some open receivers. The O-line was decent but not good enough yet. I would have guessed that we would shred this defense, but for some reason we almost never escape the first tackler. Not sure why you put Kline in for two series only and not keep him in the rest of the game to give him some decent time to mesh with the offense. Timing was definitely off and he looked tentative, most likely due to a lack of time with the first string in practice. But even more perplexing was putting Goff back in and then not going for 2 point conversions after the late TD's.

Run Offense

justbear: BIGELOW!

sacman701: Not as good as the stats suggest. We got a lot of yards in garbage time. Still, the running game was not the problem today. We should have a lot of depth at RB next year, and the blocking should be better with everyone back on the OL.

the townie: Numbers look nice but a lot of it was garbage time. Why not run early and often given CU's weakness? Kids ran hard.

prd74: I guess that our RBs had a good day, but we still lost, so big deal.

Well, you lose some and you lose the others, but hey we beat Portland State which is currently 6-5 and could finish with a winning record!: The worst part about our run offense is how much we didn't use it when it was actually, you know, working. Bigelow was as frustrating as ever for most of the game; I think he would be a star if he got good coaching.

FIREBUH: Late Night Waffle Fries at Crossroads make me happy

Pass Defense

sacman701: Ten yards per attempt against freaking Colorado? The tackling on Colorado's last offensive TD was beyond horrible. That's "offensive" with the stress on the first syllable. Colorado's last TD was equally offensive, but was scored by the special teams.

fizzlewizzle: Not totally turrible, but certainly bad enough - then again, we gave up 30+ points to Colorado, so that's bad, and the tackling truly, truly sucked. Odds are we don't have the personnel, but Richardson should have been double teamed. And that screen, where we had him dead to rights for a loss, and ended up a TD? That was a remote breaker.

Bearly Legal: What... the... Hell.

Anand P. Tell: Cedric the Entertainer would have had done better at CB today.

sup_doe_library_last_call_for_sonny_D_was_3_games_ago: What pass defense? That 3Q? 4Q? screen that went for 60-ish yards and a touchdown with 5 defenders whiffing, when the play was READ--was the 2013 Cal D's season summarized in one play--bad pursuit, bad tackling, bad fundamentals...and on top of that they gave up on the play. The pivotal defensive mistake came on the roughing the passer play on Campo that gave Colorado a first down in the RZ. We're almost done with the season with new rules protecting the QB and we're still roughing the passer? It wasn't even a close play. It was barely a QB hurry. It was bad play from a DE who shouldn't even be on the field, and it cost us the game. I've been willing to give Buh the benefit of the doubt, but no longer. The defensive performance against the buffs was unforgivable.

BTown85: Two words for this week: Tackle Drills

Rose Bowl Oski (no more cute "Start Zach Kline" handles because the coaching staff was totally vindicated when they put in Kline for two whole series after the game was already out of hand): As I'm typing this, Cal just missed three more tackles on a swing pass.

Run Defense

gumibears: Never good for end arounds or anything to outside of the box. Cal defense gave up on that one particular play that turned into a TD

Buffalo BEASTMODE over a Golden bear that does not seem so sturdy (formerly Texashaterforlife).: Now I really want to find a nature video of a Bull Bison going beast mode on a bear.

Bearly Legal: What... the... Hell.

Anand P. Tell: Pretty... pretty... OK.

Rose Bowl Oski (no more cute "Start Zach Kline" handles because the coaching staff was totally vindicated when they put in Kline for two whole series after the game was already out of hand): And they just missed four tackles on a run up the middle.

Special Teams

golden oso: LULZ

EchoOfSilence: Was fine until the questionable angles taken by the coverage team during the reverse offside kick exposed how bad we are at all phases.

prd74: QB punting, onside kick goofs, we're a mess.

fizzlewizzle: Once again...they were the embarrassment of the day except for the field goal. Not that anyone expected the first on-sider, but our attempt was a highlight reel for the ages. A blooper highlight.

42Calbear: This team is soooo bad that finally the special teams has become horrid.

BTown85: Putting the "special" back in special teams......

Coaching

Vincent S: Fire Buh.

justbear: FIRE EVERYBODY.

Please, oh god, make it stop: *SOBS*

EchoOfSilence: Andy Buh had questionable calls all game, didn't bracket Richardson nor run zone much, and was played by Colorado's offensive coordinator all game. Also, why is it that Buh is the linebackers coach, but this is the worst tackling team in Cal history? If someone had a nail in their coffin today, I'd say it should be Buh.Tony Franklin had VERY questionable playcalls all game as well. 7 smoke screens, all blown up. Only used Treggs as a 5-yard completion getter, and for some reason didn't RUN OUT OF THE BONE AGAINST THE WORST RUN D IN THE CONFERENCE UNTIL THE END OF THE GAME. Hasn't helped Goff develop in terms of GOING THROUGH HIS PROGRESSIONS. Where are you, Tony?Coach Dykes... I don't know where blame should fall for you. Why is this happening under your watch? You aren't a fiery one, so how can you motivate better? Crack the whip better? How do you handle underperforming staff, can't be too nice. Why not go for the 2 point conversion toward the end?

F*ck buh: F*ck buh

beson: Blah x infinity

FIREBUH: Fire Buh

ososdeoro: The decision to go all pass at 10-27 was really awful. The running game was doing much better at that point than the passing game. Which is like saying that urine smells much better than poop, but still. Coaching staff gets a 0.0 for removing what little chance we had of winning at that point.

42Calbear: Unfortunately, I like Sonny Dykes but he has to go. Instead of a team that at least shows some improvement somewhere as the year goes on this team get worse each week. That shows a total lack of coaching ability and tells me it will get no better next year. Injuries, lack of depth are all excuses. Any decent coach could take kid right out of high school and begin to show improvement by the eighth game of the year. We must get a search team in which our wonderful Athletic Director is COMPLETELY kept out of the process of picking a new coach.

sup_doe_library_last_call_for_sonny_D_was_3_games_ago: I am now openly questioning the playcalling. In yesterday's conditions we should have ran the ball on 1st, 2nd, and 3rd downs. 4th downs even. Even if we're averaging 2 ypc, we averaged how many yards per pass play, 3.5? The flanker screen does not work. It goes for negative yards every time it's run. In 3 games now I've seen it gain positive yardage what, 2 times? This is the bread and butter of our offense and we can't even run it right? Goff can't read the FS cheating? Treggs can't block the corner? Pulling guard/tackle can't put a body on the NB? What excuse do we have for running such an ineffective play? The defensive coaching is squarely in the hot seat. It's unacceptable.

Overall Performance

c98: I keep thinking about that animated GIF from last week that had the bear driving the flaming car. That bear, not Oski, should be named the official mascot of the Sonny Dykes era.

Please, oh god, make it stop: And now, we drink.

the townie: Worst game yet. Getting rolled by a better team is expected. Getting rolled by CU is unacceptable. The game was like a car crash. I knew I should turn it off but I couldn't look away.

golden oso: ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC. WE ARE OFFICIALLY NOW THE ABSOLUTE BOTTOM OF THE CONFERENCE.

KeenanAllenFett: Google "Dumpster fire", print all results, form composite image, trace onto face of Andy Buh.

minesweeper: I'm not sure how much worse it can get, but I'm sure we will find out in the Big Game.

Jacobs.: Abysmal. Out planned, out coached and out played. Colorado: congratulations on hiring the right guy for the job. We didn't.

SoCal Oski: There is nothing left to say. Maybe Sonny & Co will turn out to be the magic solution next year, but at this point I just have nothing left. I am so tired of this. In the approximate 35 years I've followed Cal football this is the absolute worst performance of all. I've only seen Cal be near relevance twice (once in Bruce Snyder's time, and once in Tedford's), only to have it crumble apart before it really even started. And now there is the real chance we'll have to endure furd going to the Rose Bowl twice in a row. I just can't. I've got nothing left. I'll always be a Cal fan, and I'll always root for my Bears, but I just cannot and will not expect anything at all, because Cal. Sincere best wishes to Sonny and his crew. But I don't f*cking care anymore.

Rediculase: He should be fired taking a team that had five when was last year with a terrible quarterback to a team with one and eight with a good quarterback Sandy should be fired ride along with the coach.

rollonyoubears111-: All misfortune is but a stepping stone to fortune. --Henry David Thoreau

Old Bear 71: Tackling is a two part exercise. Wrap up. Hold on. Bumping hard, even viciously, and hoping the ball carrier falls down is NOT tackling. Our guys attempt the latter as their M.O. IF one can get a good pop on a ball carrier and he goes down, one gets to be in the game/season highlights. But most of the time one merely gives up a bunch of gratuitous yards...and the ball carrier winds up in the Sports Center highlights. NEXT YEAR! GO BEARS!!!! BEAT THE FURD!!!!!!!!

Thanks again to everyone for talking time and expressing your comments. GO BEARS! BEAT fURD!

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