Otto Greule Jr

Ahoy, mateys! After a sloppy Saturday in which we repeatedly fumbled our soggy balls all over the field, our Sturdy Golden Bears look to right the ship this weekend against the dread Privateer Leach & the Cougars in a Bear v. Air Raid battle for all the pirate’s treasure. Wait, wait. That doesn’t sound right.

Professor, what's another word for pirate treasure? Well. I think it's booty. Booty. Booty, that's what it is.*

*A google search for "booty" is NOT advisable if you’re sitting in your cubicle at this moment.

And for some reason when I type ‘Cougars’ into the googlez, all I get is this.

*also not advised to click at work unless you’re a highly irritable, drunken royrules22 on a late night game thread.

I know we like to poke fun at our brethren of the Palouse and how can we not when this exists:



…which seems highly appropriate given the recent state of Wazzu football.

Search results for cougar meat recipes were sparse with many just being misspelled hackneyed comments on hunting forums stating that it "taste jus’ like chikken!" (And so do the other kind of cougars! HIYO!)



With cougar recipes in short supply, what can the googlez tell us about Pirate Food?



Mmmm, rum and sea biscuits. Sadly, "pirate food" mostly yielded cutesy snack foods for kids’ parties. Hmmm, let’s think about this for a minute…


Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum.

Yo ho ho.

Yo ho, yo ho.

A pirate’s life for me?


Okay, now we’re talking. Caribbean food is a much quicker route to the booty than cougar recipes and pirate food. So may I present to you El Cubano!



That’s two kinds of mothereffin’ pork, swiss cheese, pickles and mustard you scallywags!

1 loaf Cuban bread
3 tablespoons butter
1 pound ham
1 pound Cuban pork (lechón asado)
1/2 pound Swiss cheese
15 slices dill pickles


Preheat a griddle or large fry pan to medium hot.

Cut the bread into sections about 8 inches long. Cut these in half and generously spread butter on both inner halves.

Make each Cubano with the ingredients in this order: pickles, roasted pork, ham, and cheese. Be generous!

Spread a little butter on the hot griddle or fry pan and place the Cubano sandwich on the pan. Use a heavy skillet, weighted press, or foil-wrapped brick to flatten the sandwich. (You really want to smash the Cubano sandwich, compressing the bread to about 1/3 its original size!)

Grill the sandwiches for two to three minutes then flip them over to toast the other side. Once the cheese is melted and the bread is golden brown on both sides, the Cubano sandwiches are done.

Slice the sandwich in half diagonally and serve.

Recipe via

Serving Suggestion: Linden Street Brewery’s Urban People's Common Lager

Located right here in Oakland at

95 Linden Street
Suite 7/8 (at W Embarcadero)
Oakland, CA 94607
(510) 251-8898

But if you still want to try your luck at some delicious, well-seasoned cougar, click Right Here!

So set the trap with a round of Cosmos and a cougar hunting we will go.

But watch out boy, she’ll chew you up!

Happy swashbuckling and GO BEARS!

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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