I'm sure some variation of this has been done but this top isn't really for reading anyway...

One of my good friends got a gig in an improv comedy troupe by doing a bit about stray peeves (instead of pet ones). If they bother us so much, do we really want to have them as our pets? I'm not sure this was original with him and this would be a lot funnier if I remembered some of the other jokes but I'm at 75 now.