Here at CGB we are cognizant of what our community wants and after carefully surveying our membership, its clear they want beefcake! Get your singles ready ladies, burly, bloggy hotness is dead ahead!
[Editor's note: The following post contains man torso in abundance. If pictures such as these make you uncomfortable, feel free to not be such a pussy. If you feel these may be NSFW for your workplace, feel free to skip to the comments section.
You don’t usually think of sizzling hot when considering the state of LOLhio but Mr. January brings the heat with the best of them. CalumbusBear likes peaty Islay’s, golf carts and Facebook anonymity. Major turn offs including working for, near or in the same city as OhioBear and fiatlux’s really shitty driving.
February is the month of love and this year’s Mr. February, TheScientist, is looking for some! He’s into being perky, bubbling cauldrons of goo on the verge of explosion and unobtainable Taiwanese chicks. Don’t bring the happy around this Debbie Downer though. Despite the bubbly exterior, this complex, brooding super stud is all about writing really crappy, self-deprecating poetry.
If it’s March, it must be knee reconstruction time! Mr. March, Kodiak, likes nothing better than rupturing an ACL or two, slipping a disc or making his Achilles snap like an old rubber band! Major turn offs include his wife’s cooking and people who don’t brush their teeth. We agree, Kodiak!
April is all about the Spring and our Mr. April, fiatlux, is all about the great outdoors. When he’s not meeting bloodthirsty foreign dictators, this ginger sex poodle is roaming the world in search of the next great picture of someone’s root canal! Things you won’t see from this PR dynamo though are pictures of naked girls, a love of free democracy and a close mouthed smile.
If the sun is shining it must be time for a game of tennis. That’s where our Mr. May comes in, the Federer Express. He’s all about the tennis whites, proper racquet control and the importance of having the right ball. And no one better say that tennis is boring. IT DOES NOT SUCK! IT DOESN’T! Ok, ok. Just don’t hit me with the racquet anymore, you animal!
Mr June is Rishi, a mid 20’s stunner who is turned on by shorting stocks, half price Armani suits and flaming Dr. Peppers. Sorry ladies! If you wear anything bigger than a size 0, this dusky sub Himalayan prince is not interested!
ORK! ORK! Hey everyone, that’s not Flipper, it’s this year’s Mr. July, Ragnarok! This sexy Nordic thunderbolt is all about writing software code, rescuing unsuspecting swimmers from dolphin rape caves and debauching Italian chicks from San Diego! We beg you not to tell him you’re a tuna fisherman though, chances are you’ll get a shiv in the throat if you do!
There’s nothing that makes the dog days of summer go by quicker than cutting and pasting info between spreadsheets. Thank god that our Mr. August, boomtho, is a consultant! He thinks basketball, Powerpoint and tricking companies into thinking his presentations have meaningful content are da bomb! Just don’t ask him if he’s ever going to marry long time love, ms. Boomtho. They’ve been dating for 22 years but he’s just not ready yet! Boys are so silly!
Mr September is Fire Starkey, his hobbies include boobs, living vicariously through others and writing dicey CGB fanfic. Mean people are his biggest turn-off, seriously he just hates that. Oh and ladies, they don’t call him The Longhorn for nothing!
Word on the street is that our Mr. October, Cugel, is sooooooo hot right now. CGB’s resident slumlord is all about being clever, amassing rental properties by the score and flipping his sexy mane of hair in the wind to make the ladies swoon. The quickest way to get on his bad side is to present him with a cheap bottle of the grape. He’s all about the finnnnneeeee winnnnneeeeee.
[Editor’s note: Sadly, the editors have learned that shortly after the photo shoot, Mr. October cut all his hair off because he was feeling vulnerable and lonely. We feel that to cut off such glorious locks is like being shorn of your generative powers but whatever.]
Gobble gobble ladies! This turkey is our Mr. November. When he’s not chugging scotch by the liter he’s trolling Cal recruiting coverage or is on the links swinging his clubs (we hope not at small animals). For whatever reason, Presidential motorcades really piss him off so ladies, don’t go forming one for this President of Love!
Winter time is cold but not for Mr. December, TwistNHook. This furry grizzly bear loves White Lion cover bands, making grandmothers homeless and 9th century Hungarian flute concertos. Whatever you do though, don’t share personal details about yourself because he doesn’t care!
So hot! Vote below for your favorite beefcake!