So, you guys have heard of Herman Cain, right? Successful businessman, GOP flavor of the month, weird ad creator? Yeah, that Herman Cain. Well, prepare yourselves, bunker down, sit down, grip something... whatever you have to do, because I'm going to blow your mind.

Ready? Hey, Rishi, stop trying to egg on TheScientist and sit down. If he doesn't want to talk to that girl, it's fine. I SAID SIT DOWN.

...

Now, where were we? Oh yes, the truth about Herman Cain. And the truth is...

F)(*#W(*$(#$*. TWIST! You can't order a chicken salad and a brownie from Kodiak. Just because he looks like the guy at your Dub Cee eatery doesn't mean that he can make you the food. Sit down and shut up!

Alright, finally, the truth: Herman Cain is a f****** magician. Want to see the proof? Cain + 9-9-9. Get it? No? MATT CAIN RETIRED 27 BATTERS LAST NIGHT. "You're welcome, world" - Herman Cain

*This DBD brought to you by the headache addled, sleepy mind of boomtho. Please ignore and head straight for the comments in a civilized, orderly fashion.