FanPost

DBD 5.30.12 Excerpt from my book


In this DBD I hope to alleviate any future obligation to create a DBD and hopefully to let Rishi off the hook. I hope to complete this task and be finished with my duty as DBD participant. In order to fill the space, I've decided to share with you an excerpt from my book - Zoe's Tale. It's gotta be one of the best narrations of a teenage girl I've ever read, by either sex. Also, I think you'll find it funny (and relevant? No subtext, I swear.). In this case, Zoe is a teenage girl and is followed by two alien bodyguards.

"Does he have impure intentions?" Hickory asked.

"What" I said, slightly incredulous. "'Impure intentions?' Are you serious? No. I've only known him for about twenty minutes. Even for a teenage boy, that would be a pretty quick ramp-up."

"This is not what we have heard," Hickory said.

"From whom?" I asked.

"From Major Perry," Hickory said. "He said that he was once a teenage boy himself."

"Oh, God," I said. "Thank you so very much for the mental image of Dad as a teenage sack of hormones. That's the sort of image that takes therapy to get rid of."

"You have asked us to intercede for you with teenage boys before," Hickory said.

"That was a special case," I said. And it had been. Just before we left Huckleberry my parents had gone off on a planetary survey of Roanoke and I was given tacit permission to have a good-bye party for my friends, and Anil Rameesh had taken it upon himself to sneak into my bedroom and get naked, and upon discovery, to inform me that he was giving me his virginity as a good-bye gift. Well, he didn't put it that way; he was trying to avoid mentioning the whole "virginity" aspect of it all.

Regardless, this was a gift I didn't really want, even though it was already unwrapped. I told Hickory and Dickory to escort him out; Anil responded by screaming, jumping out my window and down off the roof, and then running all the way home naked. Which was a sight. I had his clothes delivered home the next day.

Poor Anil. He wasn't a bad person. Just deluded and hopeful.

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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