Tosh Lupoi Tries Recruiting Marshawn Lynch To Washington?

We've discussed Tosh.No plenty of times in the past few months. Latest developments indicate he knew nothing of the boat he received a month ago, but then put up this suspicious tweet yesterday. Mike Leach must've borrowed it or something, so he had to use that canoe of his. Good to see all is well.

Uw_sarkwilcoxtosh_boat_medium_medium

What is more worrisome to us are tweets like the one below, which suggest his plundering of Cal won't just extend to the present and the future, but also the past.

Zoroastrian scholars would have a tough time deciphering the meaning of this Tweet, but in apocalyptic days like these the ominous tone of this Tweet ring true. Tosh might be gone, but he isn't done seeding dissension in the Cal ranks.

One likely scenario involves Tosh calling Marshawn "money" because that's the first name on his Tweet, and he hasn't yet realized that Marshawn hasn't actually changed his first name to "money". Sounds like a rather stupid man, but no way Tosh could be stupid. A stupid man would walk out on his employer in the middle of the night and leave him in the lurch, and there's no way Tosh could've done that.

Another possibility could infer that he's referring to his own money (the relationship between "money" and something called a "UW Husky Nation" is telling), which would mean the man is a malignant narcissist, and a potential Bond supervillain. Daniel Craig, keep your eye out on Seattle.

But if he is a narcissist, that means he'll stop at nothing to damage our Bears, and he really is trying to convince Marshawn is a Husky. After his not-at-all shady recruitment of Shaq Thompson, would that really surprise you?


What other acts of sedition and sabotage will Tosh commit?
Some devious ideas by Tosh come to mind.

  • The Play would be revised in the history books, and would no longer involve Richard Rodgers, Kevin Moen or Dwight Garner, but would now somehow took place in Husky Stadium and involve bizarre figures like Anthony Allen, Mark Stewart and Paul Skansi.
  • Every Sunday Night football intro involving a Cal player must now start with "University of California was my safety school. Really wanted to be a Dawg. Second best graduation rate in the Pac-12 y'all."
  • Home Improvement suddenly becomes heralded by TV critics and audiences as The Wire of the 90s, which means this photo becomes far less hilarious and far more diabolical.
  • Ty Willingham has been Cal's only coach, now and forever. And our main objective will be the same as always: Win one game a year, possibly two.
  • Perhaps the most diabolical plan of them all: Tosh will convince Steve Sarkisian and UW boosters to buy the Seattle SeaBears for the Dawg Pound and change the official colors to purple and gold. He will then force all members of the team to recite the Husky fight song, and soon they'll all believe Don James is the alpha and the omega.

    Classical Manchurian (or should we say Marshawnian?) conditioning must be stopped at all costs, or the New Sark Order will come to pass and baby seals everywhere might have to start

What other memories, traditions, and feelings that belong to Cal fans will Tosh try to steal and mold away? NOTHING IS SACRED TO THIS MAN.

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