Which Folksy Downhome Aphorisms Should Sonny Dykes Use?

It's not insulting, because I have a southern friend! We met at the Cracker Barrel

They introduced Sonny D the other day and as I was listening to him talk in that moderate Texas twang that he has, I was struck by the fact that he seems kind of like a TV show football coach. On the show, he'd be the hard nosed coach who whips a rag tag group of seemingly uncontrollable wild spirits into a winning machine. Hopefully, in reality, he whips a bunch of excellent athletes into Rose Bowl champions!

Either way, he seemed like the kind of guy who used folksy sayings that made no sense. The sort of sayings that you have to think about 5 times, but they seem sort of brilliantly wise after all. And now I'll run through a brick wall because of them!

I have no reason to believe that he actually does and its fairly condescending of me to believe that based solely on his slight twang. But hey, we got like another 35 months until football season starts. LET THE CONTENT FILLER BEGIN!

So, I put that question out on the twitters. Got some solid responses:

However, some of the readers were ALL OUT on it. But I can't be offensive to Twang-Americans. I have a friend who is Southern, so its OK. We met at the Cracker Barrel in Branson!

But we also got some comments on the site, too. First, I posted the question in Avi's press conference recap post:

I feel like Dykes should have his back pocket full of folksy down home aphorisms that don’t really make any sense. Things like:

"Bigelow is faster than a frog in heat!"

"We got whupped harder than a mule in Kentucky."

What are your favorite folksy down home aphorisms that don’t really make any sense?

In the Game of Trolls, you either troll or you die.
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And we got some great responses there, too. YOU ARE ALL GREAT PEOPLE AND WE VALUE YOUR READERSHIP:

Favorite?

From Hoosiers, I think:

"You know, the sun don’t shine on the same dog’s ass every day, but Mister, you ain’t seen a ray of sunshine since you got here…"

"To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
research."

by Auricursine on Dec 7, 2012 7:48 AM PST up reply actions

Another from Hoosiers

"There’s two kinds of dumb. A guy that gets naked and runs out in the snow and barks at the moon, and a guy who does the same thing in my living room. First one don’t matter, the second one you’re kinda forced to deal with."

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by Ohio Bear on Dec 7, 2012 8:13 AM PST up reply actions

"Don’t worry about the horse being blind. Just load the wagon."

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by Ohio Bear on Dec 7, 2012 8:13 AM PST up reply actions

"Sebastian hit that receiver so hard, his ancestors felt it."

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by Ohio Bear on Dec 7, 2012 8:14 AM PST up reply actions 1 recs

I always like the gutteral harrumphs that Bruce Bochy makes.

"Not in your wildest alcoholic nightmare would you ever imagine such events unfolding!" -- Bill King, A's-Rangers

by carp on Dec 7, 2012 8:16 AM PST up reply actions

"Hodor"

-Hodor

Successful trolls bleed blue and gold

by Redonkulous Bear on Dec 7, 2012 8:51 AM PST up reply actions

A guy from rural Utah recently told me, "We’re like the dog chasing the care here. What are we gonna do if we catch it?"

by DelthaForce on Dec 7, 2012 9:02 AM PST up reply actions

"If a frog had pockets he'd carry a handgun."

Miss U Dan Rather

"Well, if that ain't a show, I'll kiss your ass." - Gov. Jim Folsom Sr. (D-AL), 1948-52

by VandyImport on Dec 7, 2012 10:07 AM PST up reply actions

Kentucky Hillbilly roots here. Mom always said this and

I never understood it:

He spends money like a goose shittin’ in the moonlight.

by C98 on Dec 7, 2012 10:45 AM PST up reply actions

geese only take dumps at night?

no bear, no care

by EchoOfSilence on Dec 7, 2012 11:08 AM PST up reply actions

Weeeell, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle

by fuzzywuzzy on Dec 7, 2012 11:35 AM PST up reply actions

Some really good creativity here, guys. I love it when the focus of this community is on creative output. It's organic, it's pure, it's great. Any more thoughts?

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