Washington Report Card: Only Somewhat Terrible

Ezra Shaw

After the last two games, this week's report card doesn't look too bad!

This was supposed to be our last win before getting obliterated by the Oregons. Now we will likely finish the season with a Holmoe-esque record of 3-9.

Category Average Score Standard Deviation
Pass offense .248 .185
Rush offense .424 .243
Pass defense .349 .212
Rush defense .306 .230
Special teams .288 .218
Coaching .221 .234
Overall .248 .203
Win probability vs. Oregon 2.9% (-31.7 %) .139

The scores weren't that bad this week. They were terrible, but after the Big Game and blowout loss to Utah, these are downright rosy.

The standard deviations were much larger than usual this week. Some categories were worthy of good scores (rush offense), but deflating losses tend to depress the scores. As a result, we have a wide array of scores.

Our win probability against Oregon has plummeted. They're much better than any of us expected during the preseason. And we happen to be much, much worse than anyone predicted.

Now let's hand out some awards.

Awards

Editor's Choice Awards:

First up is the Jay Stricherz, Is That You? award for HARPER, whose report card is below.

Name HARPER
Pass offense OFFICIAL REVIEW
Rush offense HARPER
Pass defense OFFICIAL REVIEW
Rush defense HARPER
Special teams OFFICIAL REVIEW
Coaching TURNOVER
Overall HAAAAARPERRRRRRR
Win probability vs. Oregon 0.02

I don't know why I found that report card to be so entertaining. The best part of all was this gem in the comments on coaching: "Tedford's tenure is now under OFFICIAL REVIEW."

Next we have the What is a HODOR? award for royrules22, whose grades for special teams, coaching, and overall were "HODOR." ???

Now let's transition to our trusty triumvirate of tributes.

Tedford's Sunshine Pumpers:

Tedford's Sunshine Pumpers Total Score Percentage
1. goldenboiler 4.00 57.14%
1. EECS_bear 4.00 57.14%
3. GC 3.90 55.71%
3. 4moreyears 3.75 53.57%
5. dr 3.50 50.00%

These scores are actually pretty good, better than I was expecting. Enjoy it now, fellas. The next couple games will be much less pleasant.

Old Blues:

Old Blues Total Score Precentage
1. TiredBear 0.00 0.00%
1. prd74 0.00 0.00%
1. c98 0.00 0.00%
1. goldenoso 0.00 0.00%
5. ocbeersonme 0.52 7.42%

prd74 and c98 continue their reigns of terror with another appearance among the Old Blues. ocbeersonme makes a generous offer considering the next opponent is Oregon. It's going to take quite a few beers to get through that game.

Finally we have The Voice of Reason, which goes to those whose grades were closest to the community average.

The Voice of Reason:

The Voice of Reason Deviation
1. koalaballa 0.046
2. sacman701 0.091
3. Wyfind 0.096
4. texashaterforlife 0.105
5. Berliner Bear 0.105

koala leads the way with a solid score of .046. The rest of you are lucky--we rarely have scores that high making the cut. Usually the cutoff is around .07 or .08.

Now let's move onto the comments:

Comments

Gameday Experience

VandyImport: I didn't make it because it wasn't worth the hassle of trying to get up there at rush hour on Friday - the PAC-12 had better be serious about not forcing more than one Friday home game per two years. Looking at the stands in the first quarter, it's a disaster.

prd74: Worst gold out effort by any school ever. Terrible Cal Marketing effort overshadowed only by the two shitty teams cream puffing it out there on national TV. Every single bad thing that a football team can possibly do was shown by these two sets of Division I fraudsters. Lupoi and the other ex-Cal coaches brought their brand of football to the huskies and they stunk just as bad as the bears.

No Nut Bowl invite. Embarassing.

Jacobs.: The only thing more annoying than watching "hot potato" rather than football was being "shushed" by the micman. I swear that guy blew a third down by shushing so loudly that most of our offense looked like they had been caught horsing around in the library.

texashaterforlife: It was like watching a Mel Brooks' film of the keystone cops only of football

fuzzywuzzy: Cool, high of 72, winds 3-5 knots Norhtwesterly, average wave height 4 ft, swells 12 - 15 seconds. Chance of untimely gravity occuring throughout tonight's game - 100%. At least it was a close game, and worth it...almost...

Was well prepared though. Brought my phone with the cracked screen (dropped it in the parking lot this past week) my warm sweater (fell out of my bag, though) my $5.00 signature Cal coffee mug (dropped it in the stands, spilled all the coffee) and my Polish dog. Held onto that, but fumbled the mustard.

HUCK THE HUCKING FUSKIES

royrules22: 1 shot whiskey
a little amaretto
sugar
bitters
orange peel
serve over ice

EECS_bear: Memorial stadium at night is always awesome. Would have liked to see the attendance higher, especially for a game on national TV, but renovated Memorial Stadium always takes my breath away, each time I see it.

Berliner Bear: That was a gold-out?? That could have only worked if the athletic department handed out 20,000 gold T-shirts instead of towels.

coolingfan: I was pretty comfortable watching the game, because I had no expectations whatsoever. It did turn out to be more interesting than I thought it would be, though.

resbear: We got blindfolds!

Our gold-out was ruined by people filing in late and covering up our beautiful golden benches.

On the plus side, emptiness made the band come through clear and loud during the pregame songs.

Passing Offense

resbear: We actually got to see it on third down! And it wasn't always the tried and true 2012 classics, the sack play. Bridgford seems to have a much better arm.

1988goldenbear: Gotta give props to our O-line tonight. Pretty solid play overall, even with injuries.

Our young receivers did a great job overall. They caught so many poorly thrown balls it was ridiculous. Bodes well for next season.

Zack was Zack. Made some good plays and missed almost all of the critical ones. That overthrown TD pass was a killer. That INT to Shaq was awful. I'm sorry to see him get hurt because he truly seems to give his all. Super glad our fans didn't cheer when he went down.

npyoung35: Sorry to see you go out like this ZM...but I'm not necessarily sad to watch you leave.

ABVidale: I've come to the conclusion that the Zach Maynard we see--horribly inconsistent--is as good as it gets for him. Hopefully, his injury is minor. Harper's 1st quarter catches were magnificent.

sacman701: Protection is still a problem, of course. Maynard mostly did ok except for the one horrible interception and the overthrown td pass. Harper did well but Harris needs to hang onto the ball better.

Rollonyoubears111: Qb was horribly inaccurate on wide open receivers. Harper's first circus catch was awesome.

Oski Disciple: I'm very impressed with our young receivers, they made some really nice plays. Would be nice to have a consistent QB and an O Line that could give that QB time.

Running Offense

Oski Disciple: Maybe it's just me but the fumbles really detract from the evening's enjoyment.

MJB: Another turnover off of a botched handoff. Bigelow's fumble in the red zone was very costly -- if the Bears had scored a TD there instead of losing the ball, the game likely would have gone the other way. Otherwise, not enough good things to overcome those bad mistakes.

koalaballa: If we had a running back that is clearly better than the rest, we would play him. we are playing three of them and whoever has the hot hand keeps on playing. I'm not sure which I'd rather have, one mega-star? Or three stars?

Bigelow was very close to breaking out for TD's several times. Keep it up.

4moreyears: Scored a TD

CalJeff: I had a comment here about the run offense, but I accidentally fumbled it away. I think my comment is now on the Washington Huskies blog instead.

Passing Defense

CalJeff: Their TE is tough - it was brutal to try and contain him. The pass defense did a pretty good job keeping Kevin Price from torching us and they kept good coverage which left Price without options. Best unit out there today

elduderino77: There tight end is big... wait so is ours. Why don't we throw to ours?

Wyfind: Why was Washington able to make amazing passes into the end zone? The QB made a 3rd and goal from the 30 after a sack and a penalty!!

Taf42: So-so.

golden oso: Atoms asked the most perfect question regarding this: What is it about a defensive scheme that we CANNOT COVER A FUCKIN' TE???

Oaklandishbear: Beaten by a gimpy giant of a TE. What a shock.

Running Defense

VandyImport: Not bad but faded down the stretch. Probably exhausted.

CALiforniALUM: Watching I felt the run defense was better than what the stats showed for UW's RB. Too many missed tackles.

Jacobs.: We made the Huskies appear to have a good running game. Wow

texashaterforlife: I am nostalgic for the bend but don't break defense of Bob Gregory, anyone else with me?

fuzzywuzzy: Felt sorry for the D-line, they basically did their part. No big runs, at least not compared to what's coming next week

rileyslaststand: Bishop Sankey isn't that good

Special Teams

EECS_bear: Missed FG sucked; that miss could have changed the whole complexion of the game. However, my faith has been (for the most part) renewed in Vincenzo D'Amato.

puresilence: God awful punting. Ugh. I miss Anger :(

Berliner Bear: Coverage was lacking. Going 2/3 in FGs isn't the end of the world, but D'amato's kickoffs were horrible and this was by far Leiniger's worst game.

1988goldenbear: D'Amato leads the conference in FG's? Wow. Not sure the one miss would have made a difference, but it seemed like a big momentum swing.

One bad shank by Leininger; bad tackling/coverage on other punts. Zero return yards for us.

BrooklynBear: our kickoff coverage seems to be SLOWING down. We have fewer people down the field than earlier this season.

Oski Disciple: It bothers me that after his recent successful run of kicking, D'Amato misses a 4th quarter FG in a close game.

Coaching

Oski Disciple: We had the talent to win this game. In fact given our talent we would, with a good coaching staff, be 6-4 and maybe 7-3, right now. In other words, let the search for Tedford's replacement begin.

MJB: Do the coaches ever make good, effective adjustments during the game? Ever? How many freaking times are the Bears going to get burned by the opponents' tight ends? Are we ever going to learn to change the passing game when it becomes clear the QB is having a bad passing night and the O-line isn't protecting very well? End of rant.

koalaballa: the coaches are trying. Its getting a little bit better. Its time for a change though.

4moreyears: 4 more years!

CalJeff: My concerns aren't as much in the in-game coaching as much as the preparations that lead up to the game. WAY too many penalties, WAY too many FUMBLES and DROPS, and whatever is going on in the strength and conditioning side that is producing/allowing so many injuries has got to be evaluated. Cal doesn't seem ready to execute, and that is the biggest problem.

elduderino77: It should be replaced immediately.

Wyfind: The ST coach needs to be fired first and foremost. Our special teams play is outright disgusting and grows more and more embarrassing as the season continues. Similarly, add the lack of discipline and understanding of football fundamentals and it is evident that Coach Tedford has lost his team. Seriously, how do we manage to fumble the ball so much? We're playing football not hot potato!

golden oso: Red zone O completely sucks. The fumble by Biggie, settling for 2 FG's. We should have been up 28-7 if it weren't for those. I remember screaming "what the fuck are you doing?" when Cal lined up at the 4; 3rd and goal with an empty backfield and knew we were going to be walking away with 3 instead of 7.

Oaklandishbear: I totally cannot understand what the coaches are thinking on the play calling. ZM was off target all day and needed highlight reel catches from his receivers, the running game was averaging 6 yards a carry, and they call empty backfield spread sets for a third and goal from the three? How did they think that putting the game in ZM's hands was a high likelihood for success?
Putting Kam or the ILB on TE coverage was also doomed to fail.
There have to be changes in the coaching staff this offseason.

iwasthere4theplay: We should hire some.

Overall Performance

iwasthere4theplay: Players are trying hard and playing hard. Coaches look like they are in a pre-game walkthrough.

Oaklandishbear: Yet another game that we could have, probably should have, won, only to follow the same formula of turnovers, bad decisions, and red zone derpitude. So depressing, and not looking forward to having Oregon put up 100 on us next week.

But, Cal Band Great!!!

golden oso: Sad, sad, sad. Uninspired, lackluster, sloppy, and thankfully I only have to watch 2 more weeks of this. Yes, I will be at the Oregon game and Yes I will watch the OSU game. I love this team too much not to; even though I already know the outcomes.

Wyfind: This was an embarrassing display of football for both teams. I am usually a sunshine pumper in life and Cal football but frankly, I am the oldest of blues now. I'm too young to be an Old Blue! I just graduated a few months ago!!

What's worse is I do not believe Sandy Barbour will fire Coach Tedford this year. I would complain to Cal Athletics about our performance but then I am afraid that they would give me next season's for free.

elduderino77: It can't really be called a performance.

CalJeff: I feel like we have talented players who aren't getting the right kind of practice, repetition and drilling they need to prepare themselves to be their best. That Cal still lost this game even with an underwhelming Washington performance (those guys beat Stanfurd? Really?) is heartbreaking. Get well Zach and Keenan!

koalaballa: Too sloppy.

MJB: Another very winnable game, another underperforming effort all around, another Cal loss.

Oski Disciple: I'm long past the stage of my life when college football can depress me. There are too many other horrors in the world for me to fret overly long about what a group of college students does on a playing field. That said this has been a sad season within the world of Cal football and the performance against UW is a perfectly reflection of the disappointing nature of the season. The Bears have an idyllic setting, exuberant fans and talented players. There are moments of brilliance but they are greatly overshadowed by utter incompetence by a team that is clearly poorly coached. Silly mistakes abound and render Cal unable to defeat mediocre opponents.
It was a winnable game but the coaches didn't have the team ready as it hasn't all season.
Personally I'm excited about Cal football because this season will soon and mercifully be over and I have to be confident that a new and better coaching regime will come in and right the ship.

sacman701: Better than against Stanford and Utah, but that isn't saying much.

ABVidale: I would have used negative numbers for Cal's chances against Oregon next week if I could have....

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