This is the seventh in a twelve part series on the mythical origin of each Pac-12 school . . . up next: the Washington Husky. (Part 1: USC, Part 2: ASU/UA, Part 3: UCLA, Part 4: Wazzu, Part 5: furd, Part 6: Utah)
Long ago, the gods gave the great gift of the Golden Bear and the University of California to the people of world knowing that the Californian would uplift the masses and spread light over all the land. Shortly after the creation of this great institution and noble being, the gods decided to start celebrating their great success in California. Unfortunately, those in the heavens had a few too many inebriating beverages and in their drunken haze, the gods mistakenly placedanother university on the Pacific coast many miles north of the Golden Bear. Thus the University of Washington and the Washington Husky was born. Because he was created by the gods in a drunken mistake, the Husky could never even dream of gaining the stature and prestige of the Golden Bear and it led to many to describe Washington as nothing more than a university of the world, while California was known as the greatest university in the world.
The creation of the Washington Husky
The Husky was incredibly jealous of the sturdy Golden Bear and tried everything to bring himself up to the level of the Californian, but nothing would work. Even after years of failure and mediocrity on every level, the Washingtonian simply would not and still cannot admit that he just will never be able to reach the level of enlightenment that the Golden Bear possesses. The Husky would often claim that he was an equal to the powerful Golden Bear, but no moderately intelligent person would believe that to be true. Because of this, the Husky and all of his Washingtonian followers grew ever more jealous of the Golden Bear and also bitter that they could never reach that level of excellence. As a matter of fact, when other beings deny the Washingtonian claims of intellectual excellence, the Husky simply calls his detractorshatters and walks away. This led to the creation of the official motto of the University of Washington: hatters gonna hat.
On all fields of battle, the Husky is mediocre at best and when looking back, it seems that he has always been that way despite the tiresome arrogance of the Washingtonian followers. In the many years that the Husky has been in existence, he has only won 6 national crowns (look it up) and has not accomplished anything of any real significance save a few good years on the gridded battlefield around two decades ago. After almost a century of mediocrity, the Husky finally seemed to be gaining some momentum on the field of battle: he was often in the running for the tournament of roses and even for national crowns. This time also saw a resurgence in the power of the Golden Bear on the gridiron, but for whatever reason, the Golden Bear just could not get past the Husky in spite of the Washingtonian's dimwitted nature. After a decade or so of dominance and only one national crown, the Husky began to fall back into mediocrity and even, at times, incompetence on the field. Just a few short years ago, the Husky went unvictorious on the field of battle and despite the clear return to ineptitude, Husky followers still harkened back to their short time as a power and claim that they remain a power because of it. Even though most Washingtonians continued to have their heads up their posteriors (and to this day, still do), the Husky recognized that change was needed in order to at least return to mediocrity, let alone greatness. Washington's year of going without a victory truly illustrated how putrid the Husky really had become. In order to do this, the Husky recruited a follower of the wickedly cunning Trojan and the great sorcerer Carroll. Because of his connection to the trojan, this new fiendish leader in Washington is simply known as the Sark.
This is obviously not a cartoon, but I felt that it was necessary to include this graphic.
The Sark did not bring immediate greatness like most Washingtonians foolishly believed, but he was able to raise the Husky and the Husky's warriors out of the rank hole that had been dug for them, and into a more shallow hole known as mediocrity. The Sark did not, and will not ever return the Husky to the glory that it had experienced two decades ago, but because of his evil energy, he will be able to keep Washington from teetering back down into the hole of ineptitude and back to years of being unvictorious. The Sark does, however, seem to have a great deal of undeserving success over the Golden Bear and many speculate that it is because of his unholy connection to the Trojan and the great sorcerer Carroll. He has been able to to defeat the loyal Californian warriors on every occasion that he has had the opportunity and all of the Californian defeats seem to come in a most horrible and gruesome manner, possibly reflecting the Sark's true disturbing self.
Worried that the Golden Bear was beginning to gain power to knock off the evil Washingtonians, the Sark did the unthinkable: he corrupted one of California's strongest knights (and another, less powerful grunt known as Kiesau) with promises of great wealth, power, and even a maritime vessel. This young, treacherous knight fled California and unfortunately for all Californians, took some future Golden Bear warriors with him. In Californian circles, this traitor's name is one that is not to be spoken out loud and when his treachery is brought up, it is met with immediate revulsion. Once the traitors arrived and were in the company of the Sark, they decided to celebrate in a way that only such diabolical creatures could: they went out and began bludgeoning helpless infant seals.
The Sark and the traitor celebrating
Stunned by the events, loyal Californians began to eat a new kind of comfort food that combined a hamburger and a taco to create what is known as a jumbaco. This new food has allowed the Golden Bear and his followers to build up the strength to fight the disgusting Husky and the traitors in battle tomorrow on the hallowed grounds of Strawberry Canyon. Even though California has had a rough few months, good must prevail over the evil and treachery that the Husky represents, and all Californians are now demanding that the Golden Bear and his warriors to fight, fight, FIGHT 'EM California!
The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.