DISCLAIMER: I am still mentally drained from the events that did not occur last Saturday, reading this edition of Pac-12 Family may cause the following problems: veisalgia, nocturnal enuresis, dyspareunia, polycythemia, hyperhidrosis, androgenic alopecia, and akathisia. Read at your own risk. Go Bears.
Long, long ago under the rule of King Brechler I and in the realm of WAC there were many great beings that would do battle for their king's amusement. Creatures like the Arizona Wildcat and the Arizona State Sun Devil were originally from the realm and were the dominant intellectual and physical powers in their distant land. Eventually, the Golden Bear and his associates welcomed the Sun Devil and Wildcat to the Association of the Pacific. The two desert creatures quickly accepted the Golden Bear's invitation and started to plan the move to their new home. This angered all of the other beings living the realm of WAC . . . especially two young mountainous creatures: the Utah Ute and the BYU Cougar. The Ute tried his best to go with the Sun Devil and the Wildcat, but the two Arizona natives left the young Ute behind in the realm of WAC.
The abandoning of the Ute . . . yes, I reused a cartoon, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT???
After this point, the Cougar and the Ute took out their frustration on their cohorts: the two combined to win over 260 different crowns in the realm of WAC and even with all of this success, they failed to gain the attention of those out on the Pacific coast. Eventually, the Ute and the Cougar were both tired of competing in the realm of WAC and decided to secede from the power of King Brechler and create their own dominion in the Western Mountains. Many others from the realm of WAC found their way into the new mountainous dominion as well. Despite the fact that the Ute and Cougar put on a happy face, they still coveted the company of the glorious Golden Bear and his peers. In the year of 2003, the Ute decided to catch the Golden Bear's attention by challenging the Californian to battle in his mountainous home of Rice-Eccles. The excitement in Utah for the Golden Bear's arrival to the mountaintop gathered an incredibly large crowd of onlookers. As a matter of fact, the battle between the Ute and Golden Bear gathered the largest crowd to ever witness the Ute on the battlefield. It was an epic battle between the Californian and the Ute and featured the great warriors Rodgers and Smith. While Smith would eventually prevail in this battle, Rodgers would end up having the last laugh, becoming one of the greatest warriors in all of the land while Smith fell into mediocrity.
Even though the Ute had beaten the Golden Bear in battle, it seemed as if those on the Pacific coast still did not respect the Ute and the Cougar. The two beings from Utah became resigned to the fact that they would never be invited to join the Association of the Pacific. In anger, the Ute went on to lead many great warriors and punished many others who crossed him. The young Ute that had been abandoned by the Wildcat and Sun Devil had grown up to be a hardened commander, and would not only win on the battlefield, but often destroy his foe.
The Ute gaining power in the western mountains
Fast forward to the year of 2010, and the Ute is still dominating the western mountains and those from the Pacific continued to ignore the fierce Utahn. At this time, the Golden Bear and company were courting the dastardly Longhorn of Texas, but when the Longhorn refused to give up a slice of his treasure, the Association of the Pacific had to turn away. The pacific needed to look for another to invite into their association after they turned their back on the Longhorn, and the Ute was the obvious choice. The Ute was overjoyed that he had been invited to join the association while the invitation enraged the BYU Cougar. Because of what happened, Cougar then denounced all associations and dominions and decided to go it on its own until the end of time. The Ute was even happier that it was rid of the Cougar and found it absolutely hilarious that the being from BYU had lost his mind and denounced any and all associations.
The Ute was so pleased that he had been invited to join the Golden Bear on the Pacific coast that he lost some of his fierceness that had made him such a strong opponent on the battlefield. It his first year or so in the midst of the Golden Bear, the Ute was unable to replicate his success on the gridiron battlefield and was even downright putrid on other fields of battle. While the Ute has struggled recently, there is no doubt that if he regains the fire he had just a few years ago, then the Ute will give the Golden Bear all that he can handle in the lair of Rice-Eccles. It is the hope of California partisans, however, that the Golden Bear will continue the Utes' struggles and happy Californians will turn Utah's red to green as they serpentine back down the mountain to their home by the Pacific coast.
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