FanPost

The Adventures of Teddy. Episode 3: Pendy-baby makes it rain

Once again, the media and public were off limits at Memorial Stadium. It'd be interesting to see what's going on behind closed doors...


It was a cold crisp night in Strawberry Canyon. Teddy decided to leave the confines of his office after repeatedly bouncing a racquet ball for 15 minutes off a poster of Chip Kelly. The poster was of Chip resting his arm on his belly, while supporting the other arm whose thumb and index finger supported his big, visor-encrusted, noggin. It was autographed with "Hi T, Chip. PS. WTD. PSS TCCIC"

Teddy scratched his belly which was wrapped in a wresting championship belt that had diamond encrusted letters that read "Discount Double Check With Me". He lovingly removed his championship belt and hung it over the shoulder of an effigy of Aaron Rodgers that stood in the corner. " Cocoon, cocoon..." he mumbled as he walked out of his office.

He stopped by Pendagrast's office which was just next to his. It was a door without windows. A door that looked like it lead to somewhere dark and cold- like a county forensics lab.

"Ooooh, Pendy-baby!" Teddy knocked. "Pendi-lama-ding-dong!" He knocked again. Still no answer.

Teddy opened the door which creaked as if rusted over the years, even though the facilities were brand-spanking new. The dust from old NFL film canisters engulfed Teddy as he was deafened by the sputtering of the archaic projectors that were running in different stations. "Yo! CP-fibroblast! I know you are an upstanding citizen, but you can break one rule once in a while. 'cause entropy is really increasing in this here place. Ha ha, get it? It's one of the laws of thermodyna--"

Instead of seeing Pendagrast at his desk, Teddy found a note: "Jeffrey, If you are looking for me, as you often due after 15 minutes tapping on that wall, I am currently undergoing climate training with the first and second units. I also have asked some of the spirit squad to come by. Yours truly, Clancy (aka Pendy-something, as you sometimes seem to forget my name)"

"Climate training?" Teddy said to himself. "Oh, Pendy-kins." Teddy continued down the hall, chanting, "cocoon, cocoon..."

Just as he was about to see the field of Memorial, Micalczik, who was shivering and drenched in cold water came up to Teddy. "He's lost it Jeff!" Michalczik cried, "H-h-he's lost it, he's lost it, he's looost it!" he continued in a spasm of weeps.

Teddy grabs Michalczik at the shoulders and sternly orders him, "Get a hold of yourself! How do you think the team is going to react if they see you like this?"

"(sniffing uncontrollably) I-I-I-I, ssssorrry, j-j-j-just give me a sec," He takes a deep breath, "(sniff) P-p-p-"

"Oh, man, never mind, go home and take a nap, I'll see you in the morning." Teddy said as he walked into the stadium. Only, it didn't look like Memorial.

Up in the stands, the spirit squad dressed in slickers was spraying cold water in the air from different angles, while the second unit D held on to huge wind machines to make the wind swirl. On the field were players that were shirtless. Teddy was furious and sought out Pendagrast like an angry mother searching for their child's captor.

Pendagrast, with blinding enthusiasm, said, "Jeffrey! Isn't this great?! The players are acclimatizing to all extremes of weather. Here, we're experiencing the wind chill factor that will be present at Washington State, except it's even colder! Isn't this great?"

"Are you crazy? Have you totally lost it? Was it something I said? Was it something I said to you at the last meeting to make you do this?"

"No, no, Jeffrey! The athletes love it! Look at them!" Pendy waves over at a defensive end that has a number 3 painted on his chest and back. "Hey! Number 3, well, what do ya think?" Pendagrast gestures at the wind and cold water around them.

"Oh Hi Coach Tedford," He shakes his hand, "Ah man, it's great. I mean, it feels like a movie set, like in Hollywood. I guess that's what actors have to go through to get into character. Oh, I meant thesbians, because I didn't want to be all gender specific. So, with the cold, my hands were getting numb, even with gloves, so I was able to adapt by muscle memory and making my proprioception more instinctive. So, Professor Pendagrast, was right, cause I didn't believe him the in the film room. But I've been able to still run fast, and make some awesome plays. Just think about how much better I'd be in ideal climates!"

"Professor Pendagrast?" Teddy said.

"Ah, that's what the team wanted to call me, and I didn't want to tell them not to call me that because it'd affect morale and all, you know. (to number 3) Ok, go back to your assignment and keep up the good work."

So, Prof-Pendy and Teddy looked at each other in the cold spray of fire hoses. The loud speakers blared. The Golden Bear in the heavens above...

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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