I was lying in bed the other night pondering the vagaries of life. "Life" I asked myself, "how can I have lost that bet?"
"Fire Starkey, you were cheated out of victory by that wretched intern." Life responded, "You won that bet at least 6 times. He tried to cheat you out of becoming CGB’s #1 Indian but after you thwarted his diabolical plans with proof of your Casino bloodline from 7 generations back, he had to get back at you this way."
"True story, Life, true story" and so because of this crap, we have the following list the "Top 10 reasons Joe Starkey is awesome" (or some shit- I don’t remember the exact wording but its close enough).
Number 10
When you search for "Joe Starkey, Cal radio, images" on Google, this popped up. So he has that going for him.
via holdmyticket.com
Number 9
A recently uncovered audio tape was discovered with an odd conversation between Joe and Lee Grosscup. Apparently Joe and Lee troll the bars of San Francisco and when they see a potential hookup, they record the action. Here’s a written transcript from one fateful August evening:Joe: Well, it’s a fine evening here in the City. Marco, our favorite bartender at Fuse, gave us a call that a bunch of his boys were on the prowl tonight and are heading over to Element.
Lee: Joe, I think this evening has tremendous potential. Why, I remember back in ’48 after a game where I used the "Utah pass", they call that the shovel pass these days but I invented it back in my college days, some of my teammates and I went squirrel hunting. It was a great time.
Joe: That’s great, Lee. I think I see our protagonists, Marco said it was 3 Indian guys but the leader is clearly Mexican. Check that, maybe not.
Lee: Joe, it’s important to remember that Mexicans use a lot of cheese in their cuisine.
Joe: The guy is checking out what appears to be a New Delhi 8.3. He’s made his SELECTIONNNNNNNN… Lee, can you explain what a New Delhi 8.3 is?
Lee: Joe, I have no idea. Did you know that my nickname is The Cupper?
Joe: Well, it looks like there are drinks stacking… THERE’S A FIRE! NEW DELHI 8.3! WHAT A BONANZA!
Lee: Joe, I’d qualify that as a…big…play. Coach Tedford defines a big play as a run of more than 15 yards and a pass of more than 20 yards. A burning Indian woman surely qualifies in there somewhere.
Joe: And with that we have to wrap it up. Final score, Fire 1 Mexican/Indian guy nothing!
Number 8
Also on the same search as number 10, this came up. YeaaaaaaHHHHHHH JOE!
Number 7Joe is most definitely not Guy Fieri
Number 6It cannot be said the man doesn’t have a sense of style.
via prod.static.49ers.clubs.nfl.com
Number 5Handsome devil
via grfx.cstv.com
Number 4According to Wikipedia, Joe briefly played football at Thornton Junior College! No idea where the fuck that is but hey, Joe Starkey, gridiron legend! Also per Wikipedia, his career was spent with the 49ers, apparently Cal wasn’t important enough to get its own section or mention that he called The Play.
Number 3
A different Joe with a message to boomtho.
Number 2Something called the Starkey Remix is on this album. No doubt Joe contributed.
via ghettofunk.co.uk
Number 1