DBD 9.27.11 Who wants to hear a really bad joke?

Men’s Tennis doing great:

ST. HELENA, Calif. – No. 45-ranked Nick Andrews emerged victorious as the champion of the 2011 Land Rover Napa Valley Tennis Classic on Sun., Sept. 25, at the Meadowood Resort. The California men’s tennis senior defeated his sophomore teammate Ben McLachlan in an all Golden Bear shootout final to claim the wild card into a future USTA Pro Circuit event and the Norma Miner Outstanding Player award.

Andrews went 3-0 in pool play and added two victories in doubles matches to round out a successful opening weekend to the fall tournament season.

“What a phenomenal finish,” said head coach Peter Wright. “It’s really a dream come true. That’s part of the excitement of this format. Anything can happen once the shootout starts.”

Down, 7-5, in the shootout final, Andrews followed a shot to the net and hit a nice pick-up volley that passed McLachlan for an unlikely winner that left the crowd cheering, and both players smiling. Andrews said it was the he needed to make his comeback.

“I couldn’t have been happier playing another Cal guy in the final,” Andrews said. “I think after I double-faulted the second time, I told myself to just calm down a little bit, and then I made that little stab at the half volley that changed the momentum.”

Buy your WBB tix:

Single-game tickets for the 2011-12 California Golden Bear women’s basketball season will go on sale to the general public on Wednesday, Sept. 28 at 9 a.m. through the Cal Athletic Ticket Office. It is the first opportunity for the public to purchase seats for non-conference games like the Ohio State and Illinois and Pac-12 contests, including the UCLA and Stanford Pac-12 showdowns.

In addition to single game tickets, season ticket packages are also still available. Season ticket packages, which start at just $50 for youth and seniors, include:
-4 FREE tickets to the Ohio State game on Dec. 17
-4 FREE tickets to the Stanford game on Mar. 4
-Invitations to Season Ticket Holder Only events, and more!

WBB Tip Off Event:



The California Golden Bear women’s basketball team and head coach Lindsay Gottlieb are inviting fans and season ticket holders to the Cal Women’s Basketball Season Tip-Off, a FREE event being held on Sunday, Oct. 2 from 3-5 p.m. at the Hotel Shattuck in Berkeley.

Head coach Lindsay Gottlieb and her staff will introduce the 2011-2012 Cal Women’s Basketball team and preview what is sure to be a very exciting season. The event is designed to be an opportunity for fans, friends, and supporters of Cal Women’s Basketball to come together, meet the team, and sign up to become a member of Triple Threat, the team’s official fan club.

“Our staff and the team are excited for this event,” Gottlieb said. “It’s a great way to start the season surrounded by long-time fans and new fans of the Cal Golden Bears. I can’t wait to introduce to you our team and our hopes for the upcoming season.”

Admission for the event is FREE, there will be hors d’oeuvres and a no-host bar. The event is being held at the Hotel Shattuck at 2086 Allston Way, Berkeley, CA 94704.

Register now for fall softball camp:

BERKELEY – Advanced softball players can take their game to the next level by participating in the California Softball Fall Showcase. On Saturday, Oct. 22, the Golden Bear coaching staff will instruct players in grades 8-12 on essential softball skills.

The Cal coaching staff – which was recognized by the National Fast Pitch Coaches Association as the Pacific Region Staff of the Year – will focus on hitting, bunting, infield and outfield skills, pitching, throwing mechanics, pitching, base running, game strategy and more!

Field hockey-er has been named to Belgium national team:

California Golden Bear freshman midfielder Caroline Struijk has been named as a member of the Girls U21 Belgium National Team.

Struijk has played on Belgium national teams since the age of 14, playing on the U-16 team at the age of 14 and the U-18 team at the age of 16. This is her first selection to the U21 team. She grew up in Schoten, Belgium.

The U21 Belgium National Team consists of 28 players with five, including Struijk, presently playing in the United States.

Womens Tennis set to host Nike Invitational:

BERKELEY – The California women’s tennis team will play host some of the top talent in the nation as hosts of the 2011 Cal Nike Invitational at the Hellman Tennis Complex, this weekend (Sept. 30-Oct. 1). The Golden Bears will welcome players from Arizona State, BYU, Fresno State, Nevada, Pacific, Sacramento State, Saint Mary’s College, San Francisco, San Jose State, Santa Clara, UC Davis, and USC for a three-day tournament that will showcase three singles flights, and three doubles flights (Gold, Blue, and White).

Last year, Arizona State senior Kelcy McKenna claimed the invitational’s singles title when she took out junior Annie Goransson in a three-set final. Mari Andersson and senior Jana Juricovabrought home the doubles title for Cal with a victory over McKenna and Micaela Hein in the final.

Mens Golf in 6th place:

(BURLINGTON) – Cal (288-296 – 584, +8) dropped one spot to sixth place at the end of the second round of action Monday at the Golfweek Conference Challenge. Pace Johnson (70-72 – 142, -2) remained towards the top of the leader board at the event hosted by Iowa at the 7,010-yard, par-72 Spirit Hollow Golf Course. Johnson moved up four spots into a tie for fourth, six shots off the pace of the second-round leader Stephan Jaeger (67-69 – 136, -8) of Chattanooga.

The Bears started the day in fifth place after an even-par team score on Sunday but were eight-over par as a unit Monday during a round played mostly in inclement weather.

“It was kind of a mixed bag given the conditions,” head coach Steve Desimone said. “The weather was really tough. It was very cold, very windy and very wet. It wasn’t a gully washer, but it was pretty miserable. Still, I was pleased with the way we fought. Everyone other than Pace got off to a pretty slow start but as the conditions deteriorated we really held pretty steady.”

What did the buddhist monk say to the hot dog vendor?
“Make me one with everything.”

How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
It’s a really obscure number, you’ve probably never heard of it.

A man walks into a bar.
His alcoholism is destroying his family.

A termite walks into a bar and asks
“Is the bar tender here?”

(warning offensive joke!)
What’s the opposite of Christopher Reeves?
Christopher Walken!

lean beef.

What do you call cattle with no legs?

Thank you, I’ll be here all week.

because one good deed deserves another.

As lose:

The bad news? He allowed two home runs in an eight inning complete game loss, allowing four runs in all.

Four runs isn’t terrible but tonight, it was far too much. He was up against Jason Vargas, and Vargas was ON. Ten strikeouts, no walks, one run…it was a masterful effort. Vargas was fantastic, and the A’s couldn’t do much about it.

Vargas allowed his first and only run of the game about five minutes after his first pitch, as red hot Jemile Weeks launched a double to left field to leadoff the game. Hideki Matsui drove him in with a single two at bats later.

But finally, with Vargas out of the game in the 9th, the A’s got up. Coco Crisp singled to lead off the inning, then promptly stole 2B and 3B to accomplish two things: extend his now-22 steal streak without getting caught, and tie Brett Gardner for the American League stolen base champion at 48. Hideki Matsui struck out, then Josh Willingham grounded out to drive in Coco. With two outs, Scott Sizemore shot a booming double down the right field line to bring the tying run to the plate. Kurt Suzuki stepped into the batter’s box, glanced at the pitcher, prepared for a battle…and plopped the first pitch into the ground for the final out. Oh, Kurt.

Vogelsong pitches great, Giants presumably win:


Ryan Vogelsong had the lowest ERA of any starter on the San Francisco Giants this season. Lower than Tim Lincecum. Lower than Matt Cain. Lower than Madison Bumgarner. Much lower than Jonathan Sanchez. More than half than that of Barry Zito. Ryan Vogelsong.

It would have been weird if his name were something else. Ryan Jackson, 33-year-old minor-league gadfly and overseas veteran, coming back to lead the vaunted Giants’ staff in ERA. That would have been weird, alright. Totally unexpected in that sort-of expected baseball kind of way. Some guy who had a 6.00 ERA as a member of the Pirates in the early part of last decade, and who walked almost six hitters for every nine AAA innings he pitched last year. Gee, that would have been an unexpected story.

But it was Ryan Vogelsong, former Giants prospect. It might as well have been Jason Grilli or Joe Fontenot. Jim Stoops or Robbie Crabtree. Jamie Brewington, William VanLandingham, or Jake Esteves. Jesse Foppert, Kurt Ainsworth, or Joe Rosselli. Nope, it was Ryan Vogelsong, for whatever reason. This feels like something that was presented to us while we were sitting in a sweat lodge, preparing for a vision quest. We pass out, wake up, look up, and see that Vogelsong led the team in ERA in 2011. What does it mean? How can we unpack this vision of an alternate universe?

Ozzie Guillen has a WEIRD press conference and is out as manager of the ChiSox:

After Sunday’s 2-1 loss to the Kansas City Royals, Ozzie Guillen and his White Sox could no longer avoid their second losing season in three years. It’s also the third straight year the Sox failed to make the playoffs, which would lead one to believe that Guillen doesn’t have a whole lot of leverage in negotiating his future.

Even Guillen realizes it. It’s hard keeping track of all individual instances of doubletalk — he said he’d give himself a “Z” on an A-to-F scale, but says that he wouldn’t change how he managed the season — but I think this statement from a couple days ago trumps all:

About six years ago, an editor at Ragan sent me an e-mail asking me to stop using two spaces after my periods when submitting my columns to The Ragan Report. In a "voice" dripping with superiority, I sent him a reply that said I was following the rule for proper spacing after a period, which is to put two spaces, thank you very much.

He responded (smugly, I might add) that no, in fact I was wrong. It turned out that somewhere between the time that I had finished college and up until that very moment, the rules had changed. I grabbed my copy of the Associated Press Stylebook, the bible of sorts for word geeks like myself, and looked it up. And the world as I knew it came crashing down around my keyboard.

I know the feeling… Oh how I know the feeling…

NinersNation talks Vick in advance of Iggles-Niners game:

Yesterday we had some injury updates that tell us a little bit more about what to expect at this Sunday’s 49ers-Eagles game out in Philadelphia. The most pertinent news overall was that Michael Vick’s hand injury is actually a “deep bone bruise” as opposed to a break or fracture. His hand is swollen and his availability Sunday will depend on how well the swelling comes down.

Jim Harbaugh said the team would prepare for Vick, Mike Kafka and Vince Young, but if Vick does not play I’d be a bit surprised. The swelling could very well stay a little too rough for the hand, but I’m going into this week assuming he’ll be fine in a few days. Even if the swelling isn’t completely down the brunt of the snap impact is on the left hand so he can likely handle some discomfort.

The other Eagles injury of significance was wide receiver Jeremy Maclin’s hamstring strain. There were worries he’d miss the game, but now it sounds like the injury is not as bad as initially thought and he is day-to-day. He and Vick will both likely be limited in practice this week, but probably won’t be any worse than questionable on Friday’s final injury report.

Darren McFadden highlight vid discussion at SIlver And Black Pride:

I give a hearty Raider Nation keg stand to NiceNinjaX for posting this excellent Darren McFadden highlights video on youtube. Well, it’s not a highlight video. It is every single one of his touches, but McFadden was so chock-full of awesomeness that it plays like a highlight video.

Ninja doesn’t just settle for the video as it played on TV. There is also an excellent statistical breakdown.

After watching this video a few hundred times, one thought began to dominate my mind. Just over a year ago there were very few people, if any, that thought McFadden would ever be able to run between the tackles. And we thought that for good reason. McFadden often fell on the slightest of contact, and sometimes before contact.

Those days are looooong gone. McFadden feels the holes and the flow of the defense to hit holes in the line with aplomb. And when there aren’t holes there he hits them with violence. He seldom every loses yards, and he almost always has the power to gain another yard while being tackled.

It is really amazing how quickly and severely McFadden has turned his career around. He is now legitimately in the conversation for best running back in the league.

Fear The Fin previewing eason:



Following a year that saw him transform his game from offensive specialist to two-way shutdown center, Joe Thornton’s 2011-2012 season doesn’t have too many question marks going into it. He’s still good for 20 goals and 50 assists a season, will receive oodles of power play time, and will help chip in on the penalty kill unit. An every day player who has only missed five games during his career as a Shark (two for suspension, three with injury), Thornton’s role as team Captain is one that he has stepped into admirably despite the fatigued and overblown questions of whether or not he is capable of stepping up when it matters most.

Strong along the boards and a master at finding passing lanes where none seem to exist, Thornton will be expected to lead the charge once again for a Sharks offense that finished sixth in goals per game and second in power play efficiency last year. The addition of Joe Pavelski onto the top line gives Thornton another right handed shot to play with, something he’s found great success with over his career with Jonathan Cheechoo and Devin Setoguchi. The fact that both Marleau and Pavelski went 1-2 in the shots department last season for San Jose, finishing with 282 and 279 respectively, just means that there are going to be even more options for Thornton as he controls the puck behind the net.

With all the leaps Thornton made in his overall game last season, the biggest question for him will be whether or not he is capable of cracking the point per game mark again. Last season was the first year he failed to do so, in large part to his commitment in the defensive end of the ice and some inconsistent play from his wingers. With Pavelski and Marleau on his wings the opportunity will be there for Thornton to put up a point per game— we think he gets there.

Are we going to fill it up? Is it our homecoming game?

Stoked that the infield will be filled in.

Mmm…McDonald’s breakfast…

Oohh…Monopoly game….come on free food.

http://gawker.com/5843358/mans-dolphin-sex-memoir-suddenly-very-popular

Bestiality advocate Malcolm Brenner—author of famed dolphin sex memoir Wet Goddess—is back in the spotlight!

A self-described sex cult survivor, peyote enthusiast, and Wiccan, Brenner claims to have had a nine-month sexual relationship with a female theme park dolphin in the ‘70s. He wrote a memoir last year, but it was not until this week, when he gave an interviews to a New Zealand TV show and someone called “Bubba the Love Sponge,” that Brenner’s tale ended up on Huffington Post and other sites. He is now ordering a second run of his book and giving interviews to promote it.

On how the dolphin “initiated” sexual contact:

    She began raking her teeth lightly against my arms and legs which was indescribably erotic. Some might find it frightening, I found it erotic.

    The dolphin initiated the whole sexual thing. As I mentioned, she was in isolation—she’d be using me to satisfy her sexual needs.

On taking the dolphin up on her offer, for nine months straight:

    What is repulsive about a relationship where both partners feel and express love for each other? I know what I’m talking about here because after we made love, the dolphin put her snout on my shoulder, embraced me with her flippers and we stared into each others’ eyes for about a minute.