FanPost

DBD 8.19.11 How to pick-up Women in Five Easy Steps


Why am I posting this? Not sure, but between Rishi's constant linking to websites that are obsessed with how to attract females, and reading the first two chapters of Neil Strauss's "The Game" (approach at an angle of 47.5 degrees! Say something to insult her!) , I feel compelled to offer some common-sense advice for CGB readers in search of female companionship. My brief life as a player was before cell phones, texting, sexting, Facebook, Craiglist, or let's face any technology, so I will be silent on these issues.  But let's face it; men have been pursuing women as long as our species has existed, so this is something so easy a caveman could do it; and if they hadn't we wouldn't be here today.

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_So easy a caveman could do it_

via www.mentalfloss.com

Step 1. Go to where the Women are.

OK, this seems easy enough, but dude, you're not gonna score any hot dates sitting a home playing video games with your bros - it just doesn't work like that. You have to put yourself out there and let the women know you are interested and available. It's not the most important step, but it greatly increases your chances. I assume that you will perform the appropriate grooming and stuff, and yes wearing pants is a good idea. But don't worry about fashion too much (certainly don't let it stop you), 'cause at the end of the day you plan to get naked, so who cares that much about clothes? Don't obsess. However, do consider your environment, if you attempt this at bars, your lady may like a drink or six, find her at a church social? She may expect you to attend her church. Pick her up at a Phish concert, well you may be condemned to attending many Phish shows.

Step 2. Talk to Women

This is actually the #1 most important thing, by far. You can screw up any of the other steps, but you CAN NOT screw up this. Why you ask? Because women are always on the prowl too, so even if you are totally lame and don't seek them out, they still may find you. What to talk about? Well almost anything, keep it light and fun, but DO NOT TALK ABOUT YOUR JOB. Seriously, bad form, unless, maybe you work at the same place, or in the same field, but still, not optimal. What is optimal? Why her of course! Ask her how she feels about things, and listen, it's not that difficult. When you are with a woman, make her feel like she (at least while you are with her) is the center of your universe, the most important person in the world. Do not ogle other women, even if they are outrageously hot.

Learn to flirt, practice your skills constantly, even with women you have no interest in, you're just being nice! Flirting does NOT mean being crude, a light touch is called for, if she flirts back - you're doing it right. Be friendly, talk, relax, it's not that hard, and be confident. You are really what you're selling, know the quality of the merchandise, and be cool, don't oversell, always a desperate move. But, be fair to both you and her. If it's not working, and the more you talk to her the less you like her, let it go, move on, but be polite.

Step 3. (Be Prepared to) Make a Fool of Yourself

OK, this was a long time ago, but when I went to parties back in the day, there was always that point when the music came on and people started dancing, and it was always me and 4-6 other women out on the dance floor, for at least the first three songs. Was I the best dancer? Maybe, maybe not, but who cares? I was out there dancing, which is the most sexual thing you can do in public and still keep your clothes on. This applies to Karaoke or any other potentially embarrassing group activity; just do it. (oh and 90% of dancing is in your hips and your shoulders, waving your hands doesn't count, just copy whatever the attractive women doing, study them closely).

Step 4. Make Your Move

OK, this is the tricky part, and I admit, there was more than one time when I was alone in bed thinking "you know, she really seemed to like me, did she want to ask her home"? Sigh, it happens. But when things are going well, you're having fun, she's laughing at all your jokes, no matter HOW lame, yeah, it's time to make the move, and suggest that you take this party somewhere more quiet, where you can really "talk". It's like a soufflé, the timing must be right, but in my opinion, it's better to ask too soon, than to wait too long, when she might begin to doubt if you are even interested.

Step 5. Be Prepared

No, not just about condoms, where are you going to go? (This was a real problem when I was 13) Did you clear this with your roommates? She might have a place of her own, but you can't count on that, be prepared. Are your parents out of town? Make plans, be prepared, maybe it would be better if you disassembled your 1/4 scale model of Hogwarts, or hid your extensive Hentai DVD collection before you get home.

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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