My sources ("little birds" as Varys would say) have gathered advanced intelligence of CGB Happy Hour may unfold. The scene follows!
[Scene: A pretty empty bar. A few random individuals are standing around, by themselves and looking unsure]
Two ladies walk in.
since1997: omg, this bar is like, so hawt! How are you honey?
Scootie: I’m good, though my “open office” neighbor keeps trying to see what I’m up to. How am I supposed to browse CGB all day?
since1997: so what does this “Fire Starkey” look like anyway?
Scootie: I’m not entirely sure…he never put a picture on the FaceyPages. Just look for the 6’4 Texan. We’ll know for sure if he starts punching people and talking about “Thunder and Lightning”
The talk devolves to BAM and girl talk. Meanwhile, across the bar:
atomsareenough: Hey turkey, how are you doing?
turkey: Pretty good, man. Glad the week is over.
atomsareenough: I think you mean “pretty well.” Well is an adverb.
turkey: YOU’RE AN ADVERB!
turkey walks away to say hi to since1997 and Scootie. atoms moves on to talk to Cugel and Yes We Cannon
Cugel: So, YWC, are you interested in a lovely pre-war loft I have for rent?
Yes We Cannon: Actually, yes! I need a bigger place. I am running out of space, because of all my black and white photos
Cugel: Awesome! Oh, the only thing is, “somebody” (with air quotes) left a bunch of obscure 70’s and 80’s records, and a phonograph. I think we should just leave it there, because maybe “somebody’s” wife said it had to stay out of the house.
Yes We Cannon: Uhh, OK. Can we talk about this later? I’m here to drink!
Cugel: How about you atoms? I’ll throw in some Lakers gear for free!
Cugel and atomsareenough high-5. Suddenly, BearStage appears.
BearStage: Did I hear Lakers? All right!!
atomsareenough: Yeah, Cugel and I were just talking about how awesome LA is.
BearStage: Awesome, I know I'm in the right place! Hey, you're a fan of history right? We should totally exchange books!
Suddenly, atoms gets hit in the head by an object. He picks it up. It's the "z" key off of a keyboard. At that very moment, and completely coincidentally, an Indian in a seersucker suit walks in, talking on a cellphone.
Rishi: DERIVATIVES! MALINGA! LOAFERS! Oh look, girls. Hi ladies! My name is Lasith Malinga and I’m a famous cricketeer. They even wrote a song about me! It’s called “All I do is win.” So, who’s buying me a drink?
Rishi stares dumbfoundedly as the girls walk away. At this moment, a 6’4 Texan walks in.
Fire Starkey: GO BEARS! EFF JOE STARKEY!
since1997: I think we found Fire Starkey! For some reason, I feel so complete!
Rishi: Oh, there’s Fire Starkey. OVER HERE! It’s Love Assassin time. Lemon drops for everybody!
Fire Starkey: Thunder and Lightning DO NOT DRINK lemon drops. I’ll take a triple scotch, neat [ed note: is this a thing that exists?]
since1997: Yeah, Rishi, that’s a pretty weak drink. I’ll take a long island! That was my FAVORITE drink that one time I partied with Castro in Cuba! You guys TOTALLY have to go!
atomsareenough: Hey guys, we should totally do karaoke after this!
No one responds for a full minute.
Finally, Rishi and Fire Starkey notice the bar has filled up, and there are some potential targets now
Rishi: All right, Fire Starkey, it’s go time! Follow my lead.
Fire Starkey: Lead the way, I am so ready to wingman!
Rishi: HI LADIES! My name is Bobby Jindal, the governor. Wait, no. My name is M. Night Shyamalan! Wait, no. My name is Aziz Ansari! RAAANNNDDYYYY!
Fire Starkey: Yeah, he’s like, on TV and stuff. You should totally sleep with him.
Camera pans back to show everyone having a great time and getting wasted. Oddly enough, Journey starts playing in the background. Randomly, the scene fades to black.
CGB Happy Hour will be...
a typically debaucherous Friday afternoon (3 votes)
awkward like pho (16 votes)
like the Hangover, only with more tigers and Tyson (2 votes)
shut up, intern, and get me my coffee! (8 votes)
29 total votes