FanPost

DBD 6.2.11 You've Got... Mail?


This morning I opened up my e-mail to find 34 messages in my junk mail, all delivered since last evening.  Considering I've had the same e-mail address for the past 10 years or so, I suppose this isn't all that surprising but I wonder what the junk content says about me, Fire Starkey.  Scholar? Gentleman?  Sex addicted porn hose beast?  Let's find out!

First up, 2 bad credit mortgage deals and 2 bad credit loan offers.  Boring.

2 from the Buffalo Bills who won't stop e-mailing me because I signed up on their stupid website when Marshawn got drafted.  I can't quit you, Marshawn!

1 offer to harvest lush, giant blueberries in the privacy of my own home.  Not.

US Soccer wants me to watch both the Men's and Women's National teams this weekend! 

Can't go wrong with some new patio furniture.

Here we go!  Male enhancement time!  I can PERMANENTLY enlarge my MANHOOD by 3-4 inches!  Woo-hoo!

Subway wants to give me a free sandwich for a week.

Not sure why I would want discounts on office cubicles or partitions.

I guess they didn't get the memo about my Master's degree.  Info on how to get a GED.

Various offers to become a nurse, ultrasound technician or other random job topics.

Sweet!  One titled "Bra".  Sadly, they just want me to buy one or more.

3 internet offers.  Blah.

NYC Discounts!  Too bad I've never been.

Ohhhhh yeahhhhhh!  Naughty local ladies!

Insurance, personal injury lawyer (Twist's cousin ShlomoNHook), spy cameras, clogs (clogs?), business cards, engagement rings at a discount, airline tickets, Barnes & Noble... god bless, I am booooooring.

Koh Beng San from China wants me to open an attachment detailing $65.5M that I could be a part of!

Sadly, Cholesterol, Horoscopes and some dummy wanting me to be an author round it out.

What have we learned today?  #1 There is too much crap getting e-mailed in the world today.  #2 I definitely do not look at enough porn online.

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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