Huge news! HUGE NEWS! Just got word from the Bible itself. The world is ending this weekend. Some of you might have heard of this. Yes, it's true. This weekend, May 22, the world will end. Rapture will come. Bryan Adams will be taken up to Heaven along with all fans of Bryan Adams. Interesting footnote, other people named Bryan Adams who are not *the* Bryan Adams, not saved. Tough luck guys.
But I can help! I know Bryan Adams really well. Send me money (lots of money!) and I'll hook you up with the sweet, sweet access to Heaven. I'm in good with the doorman there and can get us into the VIP Heaven section. You'll love it here. Bottle service. Attractive waitpeople. A pool you can dance in. It's like Aria, but not an abject failure.
So, send on that money over to the TwistNHook Savior Fund. We'll hook you up with a monthly subscription to Saved Illustrated, which has all the great stories of awesome people saved in the Rapture on May 22, 2011! And, unlike other lame Christian raptures you might have heard about, we'll take your pets with you! Those other Rapture deals are lame compared to us! WHAT A GREAT DEAL!
But wait, there's more! Call and sign up in the next 20 minutes and you'll get not 1, not 2, but 3 snuggies! FOR FREE! Thats like a 60 dollar value.
So, again, call in, sign up for the TwistNHook Savior Fund (Rishi should contact the TwistNHook Saviour Fund) and we'll hook you up. Otherwise, who knows how your May 22, 2011 will end. I predict: NOT AWESOMELY!