FanPost

DBD 2/18/11: English Peas Snark-Off!

First and foremost, let me give all credit to Scootie for bringing this tidbit o' delight to my attention.


Just a link to a recipe, right?  Well, let's take a closer look at said recipe.  Keep in mind this is from a nationally acclaimed celebrity chef whose has multiple books and tv shows:

Ingredients
    •    1/4 cup (1/2 stick) butter
    •    2 cans (14 1/2-ounces) English peas, drained
Directions
Melt the butter in small pot and add the peas. Cook over medium heat until peas are warm.

It's the comments section that are the star of this particular show.  Some excerpts:

For our neighborhood block party, I put the peas on bamboo skewers and grilled them outside, then served the melted butter in individual ramekins as a dipping sauce. What a treat. My neighbors are still talking about it!

listen carefully,I don't have much time. I was sent for the future to warn you. DON'T MAKE THIS ENGLISH PEAS. Paula Deen is a evil reptile clone, and this recipe causes exploding tumors. I can't explain it any more black mesa is coming to kill jhfGGRJFJFJKSFJD AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

So substituted the butter for bacon and the 2 cans of drained english peas with beef wellington. Thats about the same right? So anyway, tastes delicious! Thanks Paula Deen!

Ummm....Ok....sounds to me as if these English peas are tired if they're "drained" ?? So how long do I wait 'til I ask them if they're warm enough? I don't want to be too pushy with them before I butter them up.

I AM MARN, THE DESTROYER OF WORLDS. ALL SHALL TREMBLE IN MY PRESENCE.

PAULA, I HAVE A FEW QUESTIONS:

DO I ADD THE BUTTER BEFORE OR AFTER I INSERT THE CANNED PEAS INTO THE VENTOBULATION MACHINE?

HOW MUCH CHEESE DO I ADD? WHY ISN'T THERE ANY CHEESE?

LASTLY, USUALLY WHEN I PUT SOMETHING IN A CAN AND DRAIN IT, IT IS A POLITICAL PRISONER FROM JARNAXX. I DO NOT EAT IT. YOU'RE TELLING ME TO EAT IT? ARE PEAS LIKE JARNAXXIAN POLITICAL SOLDIERS?

Just to spice this up I added strychnine into the complicated draining peas. I also tried draining the peas after through choloroform. Wasn't sure how to charge the false butter without an electrical current so the C4 is out of the mix. Leaving out the butter for about 3 months should take care of the problem. And people say I am a bad neighbor. I really hope they enjoy it. Thank you Paula.

Paula comes through with another winner. Who would've thought of adding pot to peas and butter. I've always loved Paula's double chocolate, pot laced brownies, but this takes it to a new level. I do wish Paula would have been more specific about the amount of pot to add to the recipe, but I guess she leaves it to a person's individual taste. Thank you Paula. Lovin you, gal. Keep innovatin'.

As a veteran of the U.S. Armed Services, I found I could not enjoy "English Peas". It felt unpatriotic. I wish you would post a recipe for "American Peas" instead. My neighbor tells me that I can modify this recipe by adding the other 1/2 stick of butter and get "American Peas" that way, but she lets her rottweiler poop in my yard I KNOW IT'S YOU, EVELYN and then denies it, so I can't really trust her. A little feedback here?

 

This recipe was fantastic! I am a house cat, and after making this recipe I was able to speak english for roughly 30 seconds! I can't wait to try this wimeow meow meow meow meow meow.

 

For those of us who aren't fancy gourmet chefs, this recipe should have explained more.

For instance, what kind of butter? Since the recipe didn't say, I used peanut butter.

Wait, does peanut butter already contain peas? Blurgh! See what I mean? So confusing!

 

Peas everywhere and my microwave is broken from the explosion. Caution to those that want to try this recipe; remove the peas from cans before heating. The ones scraped from the walls were, actually, quite tasty. We left the carpet ones to the kids. One positive thing from all this; the dog doesn't scoot on the carpet, anymore. Thanks loads, Paula, but we're leaving pea warming to the experts from now on.

 

Paula, please pack your knives and leave.

 

I must admit I chuckled and chortled and even dare I say, Pringled.  But then I thought...as clever and inane as some of these comments are, I bet CGB can do better.  Thus do I declare today to be the English Peas Snark-Off.  Unleash the best and worst of your mighty snark, O CGBers.  Post as many snarky comments or responses to the recipe as you can think of.  Let there be meme snark, and photoshop snark, dirty limerick snark, and youtube snark.  It is both permissible and encouraged to respond to other poster's snark with snark of your own. 

Let us see who's (*) snark reigns supreme!  Let the English Peas Snark-Off Battle begin!

Allez cuisine!

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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