FanPost

DBD 12.13.11 Three Cheers for Heineken Sandy!

Here at California Golden Blogs, we are well aware that our athletic program is one of the finest in the nation. Last year we finished second in the Director's Cup (omitting the cheating and sanctioned tOSUers), and had national team championships in men's swimming and driving, women's swimming and diving, and rugby, as well as numerous individual national champions. The dramatic story of our baseball team's trip to the College World Series drew national attention. And, at long, long, long last, our athletic facilities have gotten, and our football stadium is getting, fantastic upgrades.

Cal fans know that we have one of the greatest all-around athletic programs in the nation. Yet there is one place where we have fallen behind. That is in the all-important area of providing liquor-themed nicknames to the leaders of our campus. Ucla has taken a huge lead on us in this area, and it is long past time for us to pick up the gauntlet. This DBD tries to remedy that failing.

Let's start where Ucla has the biggest lead -- with the Athletic Director. Obviously, Chianti Sandy is out. Such a cliche. And, frankly, I just don't see Sandy as the, "take the alums on a wine tour of Europe" kind of AD. To me, she seems much more like the "let's all go out and have some beer" type. Thus, my proposal: Heineken Sandy. It is Dutch, which is always good, and that European touch provides class. But I am certainly open to other ideas. Budweiser Sandy? A bit too plebeian? Sam Adams Sandy? Too many first names? Sierra Nevada Pale Ale Sandy? Too long? I, for one, think Heineken Sandy sounds just right. And as an added bonus, it recalls memories of the Highland Dutch, and the Lowland Dutch, as well as the Rotterdam Dutch. Although not, sadly, the Irish. (Guinness Stout Sandy?)

And while we're at it, how about some alcohol-themed nicknames for the rest of the Cal leadership? Chancellor Birgeneau is Canadian, right? So how about Moosehead Bob? And Martini Monty seems like a natural. Lemon Drop Lindsay? I have to admit, Tedford's got me at a bit of a loss. The only time I saw him consume alcohol was during the Coaches Tour, when he had a glass of red wine. But Cabernet Jeff just doesn't work for me. I need some help here, folks. Let's get to work!

NOTE: Our next project should probably be trying bridge the "ironic terms and conditions of joining" gap with our little brothers from the Southern Branch. Although reading these terms for joining BN leaves me almost despondent with regard to any hope that we can ever reach these heights of irony:

Relentless negativity will not be tolerated. What constitutes “relentless negativity”? It’s simple: simply posting the Bruins suck 100 percent of the time or the coaches are screwing up left and right without reasoning or proposing solutions. There is nothing helpful about someone who constantly says that their team “sucks” and complains. We’re all fans and we all get frustrated when the team doesn’t perform or has bad luck, but regurgitating the same venom over and over again doesn’t help anything or anyone. BN is aiming to be better than that. If you continue to do nothing but post negativity, you may lose posting privileges without warning. There’s a difference between someone who aims to point out flaws and be constructive and someone who is destructive. If you post string of fanposts or comments in a row about how Bruins stink or coaches are terrible with no reasoning or proposals, that is basically trolling and that’s how it will be treated. The goal is to make this community fun for everyone.

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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