So tonight at 9:00 ET, on a one hour televised special on the mother of all sports networks, LeBron James will announce whether he will (1) tear the hearts out of Cleveland fans and ruin Northeastern Ohio's economy or (2) stay in Cleveland, become the most beloved Cleveland sports figure of all time, and not win championships in the foreseeable future. As of this morning, people supposedly in the know are saying LeBron will sign with the Miami Heat, joining Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh to form the most formidable Miami sports trio since Dan Marino and whomever his two wide receivers happened to be.
But that's not the only announcement forthcoming. We have another free agent in our midst.
Yesterday's banning of TwistNHook by HydroTech has exacerbated another free agent situation. It is a little known fact that TwistNHook is a free agent blogfather. His blogfathering contract has expired and he is free to market his wares at any number of blog sites. In fact, TwistNHook has been seen at an undisclosed location, with potential suitors giving their pitches as to why TwistNHook should bring his unique brand of inanity to their blog. Among the major players who have cleared enough salary cap space to give TwistNHook a maximum contract:
1. The "Kim Jong Il Is An Absolute Magician" blog, which may or may not be the official blog of the North Korean national soccer team.
2. The "We Are Smart Enough To Use Words Like Hubris And You're Not" Blog, which is poised to be Stanfurd's entre into the blogging world. This is the official logo of said blog:
Word has it that the one Stanfurd fan in existence made a convincing presentation to TwistNHook, an impassioned plea that TwistNHook to join the redshirts and enable Stanfurd to use "fans" in the plural. TwistNHook was told he would fit right into the Stanfurd football culture, as TwistNHook's experience during the Holmoecaust has made him understand what it is like to NOT have the Axe year after year.
3. And then there is Addicted To Quack, the venerable blog of our UC Eugene brethren, with whom TwistNHook seems to have so much kinship. ATQ's interest is unclear, however. Though it was rumored that JShufelt appeared at the meeting to recruit TwistNHook, other sources indicate that JShufelt only showed up because he heard there was free beer. Other rumors are that TwistNHook's contract demands included a custom tailored uniform that would be identical, if not exactly the same, as this:
And those are just some of the suitors. This free agency stuff is serious business.
So yesterday's banning by HydroTech may have hastened TwistNHook's decision not to re-sign with California Golden Blogs. OH NOES! WE CAN'T LET THIS HAPPEN!
WE MUST RE-SIGN TWISTNHOOK NOW!
TwistNHook's decision is expected to be televised on Lifetime Ocho, at an undisclosed time from an undisclosed location.
TwistNHook will announce his decision to sign a new deal to be blogfather for:
California Golden Blogs -- He won't leave because he couldn't handle the guilt (6 votes)
A new Stanfurd blog -- Because he's basically a Leland Stanfurd lover (16 votes)
North Korean national soccer team -- We should have known by his wanting a North Korea jersey so bad (10 votes)
Addicted To Quack -- He and JShufelt would be like Wade and Bosh (5 votes)
I want HydroTech to ban Ohio Bear (17 votes)
54 total votes