FanPost

DBD 7.22.10 We Write Like Chuck Norris

I was inspired by a Joe Posnanski post that I saw yesterday where he dumped famous sports quotes into the website I Write Like in order to divine who these athletic heroes subconsciously sounded like.  It's worth reading his post just because he's awesome and Joe Posnanski, but it also details some flaws with the system:

*The site does warn that short snippets of text will not offer reliable results … and they don’t. Of course, long snippets of text don’t really offer especially reliable results either.

To give you a general idea: "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times" comes up George Orwell. But if you type in the entire first paragraph from Tale of Two Cities — from "It was the best of times" to "in the superlative degree of comparison only," it does come up Dickens.

Then again, F. Scott Fitzgerald’s famous final paragraph from "The Great Gatsby" is apparently written in the style of J.D. Salinger, while the final paragraph of Joseph Heller’s "Catch-22″ was written in the style of Raymond Chandler. So there you go.

 

With that in mind, I thought it would be fun to see what some of our more frequent writers and contributors write like.

Kodiak:  It started with a spot.  More of an overly ambitious freckle, really.  Or, just an apathetic mole.  Whatever it was, the dermatologist wanted to do a biopsy.  "It'll just be a quick out-patient procedure," he said.  "I'll go a couple of millimeters on either side, make a small oval, and stitch it up."  Since it was just a 4mm x 2mm patch, it really didn't seem like a big deal.  Besides, it was on Mrs. Kod's foot.  I was pretty sure it wouldn't hurt me one bit.

Result: You subconsciously tried to write like Chuck Norris and failed!

Ohio Bear: Five year old Ohio Bear Jr. was a little high strung yesterday.  We had a few people over at the house and he was a little excited.  

Daring, too.  I don't know if he learned this yesterday, but he was in the living room showing off for one of his uncles that he could jump from one piece of furniture to the couch.  To his credit, it was a pretty good jump.  But dangerous, in my fatherly opinion.  So I told him -- "Don't do that anymore.  That's dangerous.  I don't want to see yo do that again."  I thought the message was clear. 

Result: You subconsciously tried to write like Chuck Norris and failed!

boomtho: Personally, my favorite job was being a counselor at a summer camp. I did it for three summers in high school. The pay was great ($9.50 an hour!) for high school kids. They gave us free lunch, and it was usually outstanding. And, we got paid to play games all day. We had awesome hours, 11-5:30, which let us both sleep in and do stuff at night. And, lastly, I had a few good friends working with me, so the days were never dull. Unfortunately, I doubt I'll find a job this good once I join the "real world," but I can dare to dream!

Result: You subconsciously tried to write like Chuck Norris and failed!

This is starting to become a theme.

chowder: It has been mentioned several times on this site, that my favourite pro sports franchise are the Chicago Bulls.  Over the past free agency period, the Bulls tried to lure many free agents and failed.  This is the second time in a decade the Bulls scrapped their team with the intent of luring a big name free agent, only to fail.  There are several reasons and theories as to why the Bulls are unable to land this free agent they long for.  One of the lesser theories is that players don't want to play in the shadow of Michael Jordan.  He is the icon for the team, and his legacy still reigns over the Bulls like his statue outside.  Players not wanting to play in Michael Jordan's shadow, this brings me to my subject for today, as expressed after the jump.  

Result: You subconsciously tried to write like Chuck Norris and failed!

Ok, I'm hoping we get something different soon.

Avinash: In a surreal span of eight months, Chris Martin has left an undeniable impact on Cal football. He fell into our laps after the Charlie Weis firing in Notre Dame and Charlie Strong departure in Florida. He helped recruit some of the biggest members of our 2010 class, talking with them excitedly at the Army All-American Bowl about the chance to play at Cal. He became the future of Cal football overnight, a defensive star that would have the same galvanizing impact on attracting top class talent that Desean Jackson had a half-decade ago.

Then, with most fans having seen not a minute of tape on him, or watch him put on the Cal pads, much less a glimpse of him on Telegraph, he was gone to Gainesville (he'll be redshirting and will sit out a year). Just like gunsmoke, he came in with a huge bang and disappeared without a trace.

Result: You subconsciously tried to write like Chuck Norris and failed!

Berkelium97: In Part I of this interview Nathan talked about the profession aspect of photography: what it's like shooting various sports, interesting moments while on the job, how to accommodate blueshift when photographing Jahvid Best.  In today's installment, he gives us some tips on how to improve our own photos.  He has advice for everyone, ranging from people with basic point-and-shoot cameras to those with DSLRs and advanced photo-editing software.

Result: You subconsciously tried to write like Chuck Norris and failed!

Yellow Fever: I was inspired by a Joe Posnanski post that I saw yesterday where he dumped famous sports quotes into the website I Write Like in order to divine who these athletic heroes subconsciously sounded like.  It's worth reading his post just because he's awesome and Joe Posnanski, but it also details some flaws with the system.

Result: You subconsciously tried to write like Chuck Norris and failed!

I give up.  Anyone here who doesn't write like Chuck Norris?  Show your work!

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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