FanPost

DBD 7/1/10: BAM Angels



CGB HQ:

Scootie:  So what's the goss with Larry Scott?
since:  No mega-conference, no babies.  My ovaries are sooo closed.

CalBear81:  Well, at least you stayed out of the headlines.

since:  5 g's on the nightstand say youtube l-l-likes me, like a lollipop.
yellow fever:  Ladies, we're ready for you in the briefing room.

RugbyVet:  We just got a FLASH from our overseas contact. (activates monitor)
LeonPowe:  Many Bothans died to bring you this information.
since:  Does he always talk like that?
LeonPowe:  Your lack of faith is disturbing.
Scootie:  Barmy or bladdered?
LeonPowe:  (static)...Great disturbance in the...Ohio is Alderaan...Help me...only hope.  SUP Annie girl!  
CalBear81:  Clearly it's in code.  Does anyone speak nerd?
Roy:  He says that there's an assassination plot against the Ohio Wonder Twins.  I didn't get that last part.  Does anyone speak playah?
Rishi:  He is expressing admiration and respect for a female companion code-named "Annie."
Hydrotech:  Seriously?
Rishi:  Nah.  He just wants to hit that.
Atoms:  Who would want to kill the Wonder Twins?
(everyone except Scootie and Since raise their hands)
Avi:  /facepalm
Atoms:  Rhetorical question, people.
Maisbikkja:  I thought it was a test.  Just sayin'...
solarise:  We don't have any leads at the moment.  But CaliforniaEternal pieced together pics of the probable target. (building appears onscreen)
Cugel:  Lots of internal and external ramps.  It's the Motorized Bar Stool Enthusiast guild hall and the site of the upcoming Wonder Twin Birthday celebration.
Bearstage:  For entertainment, there are supposed to be some "dancers" that jump out of the cake.
(Everyone looks at since.)
since:  My FRIEND was picked up as a high-priced call girl.  MY FRIEND.
Rishi:  I'll do it!  I'm jacked and hella tanned.  Don't stop...make it pop...
norcalnick:  Yeaaaah.  We have another plan.  Since, Scootie, Calbear81 - we'd like you to team up for Project BAM Angels.  Rags?

Rags:  Zzzzzz....

norcalnick:  (sighs)  Nevermind.  (turns on box)
CALumbus Bear:  Hello
Ohio Bear:  Angels.
since:  OMG!  So hawt!
Scootie:  XOXOXO!
CALumbus Bear:  We'd like you to investigate Scootie's old underworld contacts for leads.
Ohio Bear:  Failing that, we'd like you to run counter-ops for the birthday party.
CalBear81:  Three "BAM Angels" taking instructions from old guys on the other side of a speaker?  Who thinks up this crap?  This is like a really bad trip through the forest of Arden.
since:  I'm so excited!  (shimmy shimmy shimmy)
Roy:  Equipment load-out is standard for this op.  Uh...We had to requisition back Scootie's laser due to complaints regarding a library-related fatality.
Scootie:  Sads.  That knuckle-cracking wanker totes deserved it.  Ah well.  Bluidy thing chafed anyways.
since:  Turkey!  Can you bring me my things?
turkey:  Sorry.  I got promoted after you failed to close the deal with the Asian dude in Vegas.  Now, I'm in charge of screening the CGB Spokesmodels.  Today is the bikini-off followed by oil wrestling and golf.  It's brutal, but I'm a team player.  (leaves)
since:  Eff that mini-dress.  It's FIRED.  Totally failed me...
Scootie:  (raises eyebrow)
since:  Failed as in admired from afar, partied at his table, then got a kiss goodnight.  But nothing else.  Ugh.  I had to put C4 in his car and blow his *ss up.  What a waste of a hawt body!
Calbear81:  Seriously?
since:  For realsies, serious!

***

Dark Alleyway

Yes We Cannon:  Oh crap.
Scootie:  'ello luv.  Remember me? 
Yes We Cannon:  The scar still itches. (backs away quickly)  Boss!  Message for you, sir! (runs away)
sec119:  You r-r-r-rang?  Heeeey!  Are you one of carp's girls?
since:  I am NOT-(sigh) Nevermind - I need some information regarding some uninvited guests to a certain party.
sec119:  "Information?"  "Guests?"  "Party?"
since:  Don't air quote me!  I AM THE QUEEN OF AIR QUOTES.
sec119:  Okay!  Okay!  You want to talk to him.  (points)
DC Trojan:  Oh bluidy hell.  Can't a government stooge indulge his habit in peace and quiet?
Scootie:  Bollocks!  What I'd give for my laser...
DC Trojan:  Ha!  Even though I've lately acquired a taste for golden nuggets, I'm ready for you.  I have lead knickers!  Do your worst...
since:  No worries, brah.  I have a specialist on call.  (snaps fingers)
Rishi:  SUP -g-whoah...This is awkward.
DC:  Are you serious?
since:  Go ahead.  Take one...or give one for the team.  Your file says you <3...well, you know...
Rishi:  Roy hacked my file!  I'm not sure if this is an idea I can get behind.
Calbear81:  What's taking so long?
DC:  Whoa...SUP girl!  But soft, what light thru yonder window breaks?  It is the East and you are the sun!
Calbear81:  (Starts death glare until since elbows her)  (bats eyelashes) (creak-creak-creak)

DC:  It's an inside job.  (mesmerized)  That's all I know.

Calbear81:  Perhaps I should take him back the HQ to...interrogate him further.

DC:  Splendid!  I usually have to pay for a proper interrogation.  My safe word is "institutional control."

(DC and CB81 leave)

since:  Totes cool w/ me. 
Rishi:  Can I ask you a question?
since:  No, I don't think I have time for a slumber party in your basement.  (absently)...OMG!  We have to get to that party right away!
Rishi:  But it's a week away.
since:  I know!  We don't have much time.  We have to go thru all of my wedges and cardigans...maybe even a single-breasted cape...Or maybe my low-cut deep vneck mini dress with ruching and a knotted hem.  Love.  This.  Dress.
Scootie:  Brilliant!  I'll wear my new green Gilt!  XOXOXO.

since:  I LOVE GILT!!! Cute dress, baby!  XOXOXO.


***
Outside the MBE Guild Hall

Goldblooded:  Fapfapfapfapfap

Rocksandirt:  Seriously, dude?

Goldblooded:  I'm.  In.  A.  Chopper.  *ssholes!

Atoms:  ...We didn't requisition a chopper for this op.

Goldblooded:  Um...yeaaah.  It's clear here.  I'm out.

oskisunbear:  Yeah, I'll bet you're out.
Rocksanddirt:  I'm doing another sweep on my bike...perimeter is clear.
oskisunbear:  I'm tending bar...all clear.

zoonews:  I'm in the van...I can make this cat do "fight the power!" on a jpeg.
All:  (sigh)
since:  We're headed in.  (bright smile)  Hi!  I'm since.  We're invited.
Fire Starkey:  Ohhhhhkay...Well then, miss.  Whatever "gifts" the gentlemen decide to offer you, just make sure the exchange doesn't take place on the premises.
since:  I am NOT a call girl!  (stamps foot)  
Scootie:  Admit it - you're flattered.
since:  Yeah.  It's totes cool.
Calbear81:  Is there supposed to be a giant rodent wearing a crossing guard jersey as part of the entertainment?
Twist:  Aardvarks are mammals, dammit!  And I've had enough of your abuse!!!  (takes off disguise)  Costs assessed, b!tches!!!  (runs up to the head table and fires repeatedly)
(CALumbus Bear and Ohio Bear twitch repeatedly as the bullets strike...then stand up and smile.)
Twist:  WTF?
(CALumbus Bear/Ohio Bear tear off their masks and wigs.)
Gawking onlooker:  OMG!  He shot Mohinder Suresh and Triple H!
boomtho:  Good thing we had those bulletproof vests, huh?
Tbred:  You got a vest?  Damn...My abs are sore!
Twist:  How'd you know?
since:  It was easy, darling.  I knew that if I looked this FABulous, you'd have to try to compete.  And fail.  Plus, you've been leaving hairballs from your "sweater" all over the place.  I win this dress-off!  
Avi:  Take him away!  A few million hours of re-education will do him some good.
Cruzinbear:  Raight!  C'mere you.  I've got Vuvuzela's Greatest Hits Performed by Kenny G, Volumes 1, 2, and 3!
paleodan:  (looks up expectantly)
Atoms:  Okay, you can wax him, too.
paleodan:  YEEEEEES!  Oh, how I've waited for this day.

Twist:  Noooooooooo!  (gets dragged away screaming...like his wedding night)

since:  Coast is clear.  Authentication:  The watermelon is out of the anus.
CALumbus Bear and Ohio Bear:  (jump out of the cake)
Roy:  Good thing I put two breathing straws in there, huh?
CALumbus Bear:  There were two straws?
Ohio Bear:  What are you complaining about?  I think I got a contact buzz, Scotch-boy.
Atoms:  Uh.  Why aren't you wearing any...
CALumbus Bear and Ohio Bear:  It was his idea! (points)
Scootie:  Sooooo hawt.
since1997:  OMG!  Best.  Party.  Evair!

***

Happy Birthday, since!  Have fun in Vegas!

And a happy belated birthday to turkey, zoonews, cbkwit, and Royrules' dad!

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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