FanPost

DBD 6/21/10: A Midsummer Night's Dweam


With humblest apologies to the Bard and the English language...


(Props to the CGB players who were willing to get into costume.  There are several sets of tights still missing from wardrobe, however.  No matter how much you enjoy them, if you return these items now we promise not to pass judgment.  Sickos.)



CalBear81:  Ill-met by moonlight proud Trojan.
DC Trojan:  What, jealous Bear?
CalBear81:  Tarry, rash kilt-wearer:  am I not thy mistress?
DC Trojan:  Then I must be thy lord, but know that I have given housing and a vehicle to an All-American so that he might run for us in the Coliseum.  I go now to observe the mortals' celebration.
CalBear81:  Give me this boy and I will go with you.
DC Trojan:  Not for thy kingdom! (exits, as if pursued by a Bear)
CalBear81:  Twist!  Come hither.
Twist:  Whaddup Overlordess?
CalBear81:  Fetch me the herbs;  the ones that I showed you.
Twist:  The chronic or the other stuff?
CalBear81:  The one where the bolt of Cupid fell!
Twist:  I'll put a girdle round the earth in forty seconds...like my wedding night.  (leaves)
CalBear81:  With this juice, I shall make DC render up his boy to me.  But who comes here?  I am invisible.

CALumbus Bear:  (enters) Where didst that ball go?
since1997:  (enters) I cannot love you more Wonder Twin than I do now.  I thought I would never smile again.
Ohio Bear: (enters)  Sot!  I must have words with you.
Scootie:  (enters)  So, it's our first spat, Ohio Bear.  I do not understand the love people have for Chipotle.  There, I've said it.
CALumbus Bear:  All youse peoples is interrupting my drinking and golfing.  Where is that ball?
since1997:  Use me but as your spaniel, spurn me, spank me...
CALumbus Bear:  Whoa.  Kinky.
Scootie:  So hawt.
Ohio Bear:  So Ohio Bear is just for marrying and CALumbus Bear is for the hawt lovin'?
Scootie:  Well, you were around when I didst ask.  The sot was most likely face-down asleep somewhere.  But I love you both.
CALumbus Bear:  I'm gonna head back to the castle for some grub...and more scotchy scotchy scotch. (leaves)
Ohio Bear:  Come back here, you!  (follows)
since1997:  Wonder Twins!  Your wrongs do set a scandal on our sex! (follows)
Scootie:  I'll follow thee and make a heaven of hell! (follows)

Calbear81:  Twist!  Hast thou the herbs there?
Twist:  Yup.  Weed wide enough to wrap a fairy in.
Calbear81:  With this juice I shall make DC full of hateful fantasies.  Take thou some of it and seek through this grove the ladies in love with the disdainful old men. (leaves)
Twist:  Gather 'round, dudes!  We have work to do.
zoonews:  Sorry man.  Today's the day the teddy bears have their picnic. (leaves)
carp:  Three words.  Nymphs.  Pool.  Waterfight.  (leaves)
oskisunbear:  Nymphs ftw! (leaves)
Twist:  This is not going well.  And I probably shouldn't have smoked the rest of the queen's herbs.
royrules:  We can use Berkelium!  No one ever talks about it.  And those golden nuggets take a lot of hard work.  But they're just awesome - everyone loves them.  They're n-n-ot boring.  And they d-d-don't suck!
Twist:  Sooooo...You snort them?  Rub the juice on someone's eyes?
sec119:  Intravitreal or nasal administration is too rapid.  Your best bet is to have it ingested.  Boom!  Science!

***
Castle Kitchen:

Hydrotech:  It's nice of you to help us carry in this rotting cow.
norcalnick:  Eh.  It's not like the powers that be ever let us do anything.
Rocksanddirt:  Yeah.  I've only gotten to say like one thing ever.  Not the fame and glory I signed up for.
Yes We Cannon:  At least you didn't get stabbed by some blonde doxy.  The scar still itches.
Maisbikkja:  Gonna take a long time to cook.  Look at how fat it is!
Rocksanddirt:  Greedy bastard.  What type of stupid name is 'Bevo' anyhow?
Hydrotech:  Yeah.  It's inferior meat.  You can tell it came from Texas.
paleodan:  How?
Hydro:  Check the nethers.  No balls.

norcalnick:  Someday boys, I'll take you all to Sacramento.  The people are lovely and the streets are lined with gold.  There are some of the happiest, noblest cows you'll ever see.

paleodan:  Have you been drinking?
norcalnick:  Since before the cock crowed.
Twist:  (hiding)  Lord what fools these mortals be!
(Twist, roy, & sec119 sneak in and spike the cow with Berkelium golden nuggets!)

***
Castle Throne Room:
Solarise:  -And that concludes my report on the new guardsmen.
Rags:  Zzzz...
Atoms:  Send for Cugel.
Thoroughbred:  BBBBBBBBBBBeeeeaaaarrzzzz!!!
AndBears:  (enters)  Quiet fool!  (grabs horn and stomps it to pieces)  Give him the axe!
Avi:  Where?
AndBears:  Right in the neck!  And you! (points at Cugel)  
Cugel:  Me!  But I'm the nicest guy here.  I never say anything mean.
AndBears:  And that ends now!  To the tower with you! (leaves)
Avi:  Bet you wish you designed the tower with more legroom, eh?
Cugel:  I wish I had designed it with a bathroom.  (Avi, Tbred, Cugel leave)
yellow fever:  Wow.  The Queen sure is touchy.

LeonPowe:  Does she look different to you?

Atoms:  You mean her large tracts of land?

solarise:  Her fortifications have been enhanced?

LeonPowe:  I was talking about the two huge bags...under her eyes. 

yellow fever:  I don't think the new Princess is sleeping well.

Atoms:  Whatever the reason, the entertainment had better get here soon.
CaliforniaEternal:  Shall I show the King some pictures while we wait?
Rags:  Zzzzz...

***
Castle Ampitheater
BearStage:  Are we all met?
boomtho:  (shakes head sadly)
Goldblooded:  You lost your voice?
Cruzinbears:  And right before your big solo...bummer.
turkey:  The gods have cursed you...what could you possibly have done to anger them?
boomtho:  (shrugs)
BearStage:  Well, we'll just have to wing it.  Take your shirt off and look pretty.
GoldBlooded:  Where's Rishi?
turkey:  I saw him headed towards the chambermaid quarters.
Cruzinbears:  And this is how plagues get started...

***

Castle Feast Hall:

CALumbus Bear:  Thiz ist good beef!  Mrm!
Since:  So hawt.  Your place or mine?
Ohio Bear:  It is good meat.  I feel haaappy.
Scootie:  Let me feed you, luv.
CALumbus Bear:  (hides a jealous tear)
Atoms:  Enough bickering already!
LeonPowe:  Ladies.  I have a solution:  Wonder.  Twin.  Sandwich.
Since:  OMG!  XOXOXO!
Scootie:  Brilliant!  XOXOXO!
(baby starts wailing)
yellow fever:  Send in the entertainment before the Queen kills everyone!
boomtho:  (rips off his shirt and starts flexing)
BearStage:  On our rugged eastern foothills
GoldBlooded:  Stands our symbol clear and bold
turkey:  Big C means to fight and strive and win for Blue and Gold!
(As they sing, the baby stops crying)
(AndBears enters carrying Princess Cubby Bear)
Cubby Bear:  Gah!  Brz!
DC Trojan:  (enters, invisible)  What is this sweet music?  What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?
CalBear81:  I am a spirit of another sort.  With this herb shall you make sport?  (offers Golden Nugget)
DC Trojan:  (takes a hit)  What visions I have seen!  Methought I was enamour'd of an ass.
CalBear81:  That was just Lane Kiffin.  
DC Trojan:  O, how mine eyes do loathe his visage now!  Take thou the All-American!  Yours is the right!
CalBear81:  Indeed.  But I shall always try to deliver my smug superiority in a humbly inferior manner.

Everyone:  (high on Golden Nuggets)  ... And when the game is over we will buy a keg of booze  And drink to California 'til we wobble in our shoes!
Rags:  Zzzzz....

Kodiak:  If we shadows have offended, think but this and all is mended. 

CalBear81 lives on the outskirt  /  Please ignore she's old as -

Fifty and one years has she seen  /  Dancing with roses remains her dream.

Happy (belated) Birthday Calbear81 and Cubby Bear!

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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