FanPost

DBD 02.19.10: CGB Happy Hour

So tomorrow is the unofficial CGB happy hour that some of us have been discussing. This is a rough prediction of what's going to happen...

 

Columbus, Ohio.

CALumbus Bear: Eleven years. Eleven years in a row Ohio Bear has beaten me in the Cal Alumni Club of Lesser Ohio Badminton Championship. But this year...this year is going to be different!
Mrs. CALumbus Bear: That's nice, dear.
CALumbus Bear: This year, I have a plan.
Mrs. CALumbus Bear: That's nice, dear.
CALumbus Bear: I'm going to build an indestructible robot to assassinate Ohio Bear.
Mrs. CALumbus Bear: That's nice, dear.
CALumbus Bear: I'm going to call it the...Bearminator 1000!
Mrs. CALumbus Bear: That's fucking retarded, dear.

 

(Enter Sarah Palin)

 

Bear_medium Sarah Palin: I'm appalled that a figure of your stature would use a word like that to describe ANY of God's children!
CALumbus Bear: ...why is Sarah Palin in my living room? What is going on?
Mrs. CALumbus Bear: It IS a swing state, dear.
Bear_medium Palin: Pooper sex or C ya.
CALumbus Bear: WTF?!

 

(San Francisco)

 

Bear_medium Ohio Bear: Thanks again for the badminton lessons, Twist.
Bear_medium TwistNHook: Oh ya! I toads kick ass at badminton! I'm an expert on outdated, effeminate, ridiculous clothing sporting activities!
Bear_medium Ohio Bear: Hey, you want to get a drink or something? Happy hour just started.
Bear_medium TwistNHook: im toads gonna get a root bere!!!!
Bear_medium Ohio Bear: Right...I think I saw a bar at the end of the block.

 

(Ohio Bear and Twist enter John Colins. Rishi and HolmoePhobe are standing at the bar.)

 

Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: WHY DO YOU HATE UNIONS?
Rishi: WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA?
Bear_medium TwistNHook: INDIAN FIIIIIIIIGHT!

 

(Enter Spazzy)

 

Spazzy: Dude when was the last time either of you touched a woman?
Rishi: What do you mean? I touch women all the time. I'm touching a woman right now. I'm touching TWO women right now! I could totally pick up any girl in this bar, I choose not to. It's totally voluntary. Really.
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: What's a woman?
Spazzy: Yeah I'm gonna go now.

 

(Exit Spazzy)

 

Bear_medium since1997: like omg guyz i'm totally a girl ^_^
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: You know, if there's one thing we CAN agree on...
Rishi: ...it's our mutual loathing of TwistNHook.
Bear_medium TwistNHook: i feel so pretty!!! eeee!!!!

 

(Enter Ragnarok, who walks over to HolmoePhobe)

 

Bear_medium Ragnarok: Hey HolmoePhobe.
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: Hey! What's up?
Bear_medium Ragnarok: You know, I've complained to you before about making me really boring in these DBDs of yours.
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: Yeah, sorry, my bad. I forgot.
Bear_medium Ragnarok: Well, I'm going to make sure you don't forget again. *pulls aardvark out of his pants*
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: ...
Bear_medium Ragnarok: Not so normal NOW, am I HolmoePhobe???
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: Uh...
Rishi: I'm gonna need another drink.
Bear_medium since1997: lol >_> xoxo

 

(Enter carp)

 

Bear_medium Carp: PSoCY??
Rishi: (whispers in Carp's ear)
Bear_medium Carp: (looking dejected) Oh...rong part of San Francisco.

 

(Meanwhile, outside, CBKWit and HydroTech are walking)

 

Bear_medium HydroTech: Yea, so I think everyone's at this bar right around the corner.

 

(Enter Bearminator 1000)

 

Bear_medium Bearminator 1000: RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! *shoots at CBKWit and Yellow Fever with laser eyes*
Bear_medium HydroTech: Shit! (Sprints into John Colins, followed by CBKWit)
Bear_medium HydroTech: Guys, we just got attacked by this giant...metal-covered bear!
Rishi: That's called the Folsom Street Fair, actually.
Bear_medium HydroTech: They killed CBKWit!
Bear_medium Ragnarok: Those bastards!
Bear_medium CBKWit: Huh? No, I'm fine, I escaped with you.
Bear_medium TwistNHook: i miss CBKWit :(
Bear_medium CBKWit: Dude, I'm ok. It's cool.
Rishi: Yeah, I guess he wasn't so bad after all. Poor guy.
Bear_medium CBKWit: HELLO? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? Fuck it, I'm just going to start yelling random shit.
Bear_medium TwistNHook: we should have avinash post a thread about CBKWit!!!
Bear_medium CBKWit: I LIKE GUAVAS. I LIKE HAVING SEX WITH MEN.
Bear_medium (Entire bar falls silent, stares at CBKWit)
Bear_medium Carp: (hopefully) PSoCY?

 

(Enter Ron English)

 

Bear_medium Carp: Ron English!
Ron English: I'm a rapacious bird.
Rishi: Can I buy you a drink?
Ron English: Ah yes, they warned me about San Francisco. Thank you, young man, but I'm afraid I don't play for that team.
Royrules: I don't understand. Do you mean that you're a defensive coordinator, and you don't coach the offensive team?
Ron English: Yeah, I'm going to go back to Eastern Michigan now. (leaves)
Rishi: Oh, good job, royrules. Shouldn't you be at home playing video games right now?
Bear_medium Ohio Bear: Rishi, I can't help but notice that you've spent the entire time at the bar talking to a bunch of dudes from the internet.
Rishi: And since1997!
Bear_medium since1997: giggle lol ^_^^^
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: Does anyone want to argue with me about the electoral college? Anyone?

 

(Enter Bearminator 1000)

 

Bear_medium Bearminator: WRAAAAAAAAAAUGH! *laser eyes*
Bear_medium Ohio Bear: Hey! Stop! Costs assessed!
Bear_medium Bearminator: *assesses costs against Ohio Bear's face*
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: Hey! Are you part of a robot bear union? What about universal health-bear?
Bear_medium Bearminator: *junk-punches HolmoePhobe. Deficit disappears*
Spazzy: Sonofabitch, it works!
Bear_medium Bearminator: *throws TwistNHook across bar*
Bear_medium TwistNHook: AI! My hair!
Rishi: Hey! You just smashed that top-shelf vodka! How am I supposed to make motinos now?
Bear_medium Bearminator: WRAAAAAAUGH! (Translation: blow me)
Rishi: I'm getting...sober. You wouldn't like me when I'm...sober.
Bear_medium Bearminator: WRAAAUGH! (Translation: Dude, nobody like you now.)
Rishi: *turns into incredible hulk* RISHI ANGRY! RISHI SMASH!
Bear_medium Bearminator: WTF?

 

(Rishi throws Bearminator into the bay)

Bear3_medium

 

(Everyone cheers)

 

Bear_medium (Enter Tedford)

 

(Bar falls silent)

 

Bear_medium Tedford: (Shakes head) Thank god I live in Danville. (Leaves)

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join California Golden Blogs

You must be a member of California Golden Blogs to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at California Golden Blogs. You should read them.

Join California Golden Blogs

You must be a member of California Golden Blogs to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at California Golden Blogs. You should read them.

Spinner

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker