DBD 02.19.10: CGB Happy Hour

So tomorrow is the unofficial CGB happy hour that some of us have been discussing. This is a rough prediction of what's going to happen...


Columbus, Ohio.

CALumbus Bear: Eleven years. Eleven years in a row Ohio Bear has beaten me in the Cal Alumni Club of Lesser Ohio Badminton Championship. But this year...this year is going to be different!
Mrs. CALumbus Bear: That's nice, dear.
CALumbus Bear: This year, I have a plan.
Mrs. CALumbus Bear: That's nice, dear.
CALumbus Bear: I'm going to build an indestructible robot to assassinate Ohio Bear.
Mrs. CALumbus Bear: That's nice, dear.
CALumbus Bear: I'm going to call it the...Bearminator 1000!
Mrs. CALumbus Bear: That's fucking retarded, dear.


(Enter Sarah Palin)


Bear_medium Sarah Palin: I'm appalled that a figure of your stature would use a word like that to describe ANY of God's children!
CALumbus Bear: ...why is Sarah Palin in my living room? What is going on?
Mrs. CALumbus Bear: It IS a swing state, dear.
Bear_medium Palin: Pooper sex or C ya.
CALumbus Bear: WTF?!


(San Francisco)


Bear_medium Ohio Bear: Thanks again for the badminton lessons, Twist.
Bear_medium TwistNHook: Oh ya! I toads kick ass at badminton! I'm an expert on outdated, effeminate, ridiculous clothing sporting activities!
Bear_medium Ohio Bear: Hey, you want to get a drink or something? Happy hour just started.
Bear_medium TwistNHook: im toads gonna get a root bere!!!!
Bear_medium Ohio Bear: Right...I think I saw a bar at the end of the block.


(Ohio Bear and Twist enter John Colins. Rishi and HolmoePhobe are standing at the bar.)


Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: WHY DO YOU HATE UNIONS?
Bear_medium TwistNHook: INDIAN FIIIIIIIIGHT!


(Enter Spazzy)


Spazzy: Dude when was the last time either of you touched a woman?
Rishi: What do you mean? I touch women all the time. I'm touching a woman right now. I'm touching TWO women right now! I could totally pick up any girl in this bar, I choose not to. It's totally voluntary. Really.
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: What's a woman?
Spazzy: Yeah I'm gonna go now.


(Exit Spazzy)


Bear_medium since1997: like omg guyz i'm totally a girl ^_^
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: You know, if there's one thing we CAN agree on...
Rishi:'s our mutual loathing of TwistNHook.
Bear_medium TwistNHook: i feel so pretty!!! eeee!!!!


(Enter Ragnarok, who walks over to HolmoePhobe)


Bear_medium Ragnarok: Hey HolmoePhobe.
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: Hey! What's up?
Bear_medium Ragnarok: You know, I've complained to you before about making me really boring in these DBDs of yours.
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: Yeah, sorry, my bad. I forgot.
Bear_medium Ragnarok: Well, I'm going to make sure you don't forget again. *pulls aardvark out of his pants*
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: ...
Bear_medium Ragnarok: Not so normal NOW, am I HolmoePhobe???
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: Uh...
Rishi: I'm gonna need another drink.
Bear_medium since1997: lol >_> xoxo


(Enter carp)


Bear_medium Carp: PSoCY??
Rishi: (whispers in Carp's ear)
Bear_medium Carp: (looking dejected) Oh...rong part of San Francisco.


(Meanwhile, outside, CBKWit and HydroTech are walking)


Bear_medium HydroTech: Yea, so I think everyone's at this bar right around the corner.


(Enter Bearminator 1000)


Bear_medium Bearminator 1000: RAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! *shoots at CBKWit and Yellow Fever with laser eyes*
Bear_medium HydroTech: Shit! (Sprints into John Colins, followed by CBKWit)
Bear_medium HydroTech: Guys, we just got attacked by this giant...metal-covered bear!
Rishi: That's called the Folsom Street Fair, actually.
Bear_medium HydroTech: They killed CBKWit!
Bear_medium Ragnarok: Those bastards!
Bear_medium CBKWit: Huh? No, I'm fine, I escaped with you.
Bear_medium TwistNHook: i miss CBKWit :(
Bear_medium CBKWit: Dude, I'm ok. It's cool.
Rishi: Yeah, I guess he wasn't so bad after all. Poor guy.
Bear_medium CBKWit: HELLO? CAN ANYONE HEAR ME? Fuck it, I'm just going to start yelling random shit.
Bear_medium TwistNHook: we should have avinash post a thread about CBKWit!!!
Bear_medium (Entire bar falls silent, stares at CBKWit)
Bear_medium Carp: (hopefully) PSoCY?


(Enter Ron English)


Bear_medium Carp: Ron English!
Ron English: I'm a rapacious bird.
Rishi: Can I buy you a drink?
Ron English: Ah yes, they warned me about San Francisco. Thank you, young man, but I'm afraid I don't play for that team.
Royrules: I don't understand. Do you mean that you're a defensive coordinator, and you don't coach the offensive team?
Ron English: Yeah, I'm going to go back to Eastern Michigan now. (leaves)
Rishi: Oh, good job, royrules. Shouldn't you be at home playing video games right now?
Bear_medium Ohio Bear: Rishi, I can't help but notice that you've spent the entire time at the bar talking to a bunch of dudes from the internet.
Rishi: And since1997!
Bear_medium since1997: giggle lol ^_^^^
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: Does anyone want to argue with me about the electoral college? Anyone?


(Enter Bearminator 1000)


Bear_medium Bearminator: WRAAAAAAAAAAUGH! *laser eyes*
Bear_medium Ohio Bear: Hey! Stop! Costs assessed!
Bear_medium Bearminator: *assesses costs against Ohio Bear's face*
Bear_medium HolmoePhobe: Hey! Are you part of a robot bear union? What about universal health-bear?
Bear_medium Bearminator: *junk-punches HolmoePhobe. Deficit disappears*
Spazzy: Sonofabitch, it works!
Bear_medium Bearminator: *throws TwistNHook across bar*
Bear_medium TwistNHook: AI! My hair!
Rishi: Hey! You just smashed that top-shelf vodka! How am I supposed to make motinos now?
Bear_medium Bearminator: WRAAAAAAUGH! (Translation: blow me)
Rishi: I'm getting...sober. You wouldn't like me when I'm...sober.
Bear_medium Bearminator: WRAAAUGH! (Translation: Dude, nobody like you now.)
Rishi: *turns into incredible hulk* RISHI ANGRY! RISHI SMASH!
Bear_medium Bearminator: WTF?


(Rishi throws Bearminator into the bay)



(Everyone cheers)


Bear_medium (Enter Tedford)


(Bar falls silent)


Bear_medium Tedford: (Shakes head) Thank god I live in Danville. (Leaves)

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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