FanPost

DBD 10/7/10: Fun with Sleep Deprivation

Soooo...If any well-meaning, but clearly spawn-less, healthcare professional ever tells you that "teething is a myth," please punch them in the face.  I approve this message.  Sadly enough, this is exactly what we were told in our Dental Board prep review.  Looking back, it tells me a couple of things:  1)  The people in Sacramento? who decide what's on the Dental Board are idjuts.  2)  Thank gawd, this is a self-limiting problem as it's pretty darn obvious that none of them have or will be breeding any time soon.  Nature had better not find a way. 

Not bitter here.  Oh no.

But while I'm waiting for my nocturnal serenade to subside, I thought about making a list of the...um...interesting things done while under the influence of offspring.  (There are many more...but I've forgotten them for obvious reasons.)

Transportation:

- Forgotten to pick the kid up from pre-school

- Forgotten to drop the kid off at pre-school...ended up at work w/ kid and had a "uhhh...now what?" moment

- Lots and lots of getting lost.  My normal sense of direction is a little like throwing darts while blindfolded at a map.  My sleepy sense of direction?  Replace darts with ping pong balls and blindfolded with roofied.  If it weren't for those handy border stations, I might be in Canada or Mexico right now.

Apparel:

- Forgotten to wear a belt

- Put on work clothes over pajamas

- Wore running shoes with my dress slacks/shirts...It made sense at the time.  I thought I was going to go for a walk at lunch.  Um.  Yeah...

- Left my shirt untucked.

- Wore white socks with dress shoes/slacks. 

- Have gone to work with all manner of stains, food, and sunblock on my shirt and pants.  Need to wear an apron or hazmat suit when handling those darn kids...

Food:

- Have put the milk in the cabinet and the cereal in the refrigerator.

- Have misplaced food or drink in the house...only the find it later by smell.  (sigh)

- Have burnt lots of stuff and ruined pots/pans in the process...Set a towel on fire...Melted plasticky things...Good times.

- Have combined ingredients in an unholy way resulting in disaster.  Like trying to add pumpkin and spinach to chocolate pudding because Psycho Teething Baby likes both of them and it be a healthy dessert. 

- Have forgotten to pack lunches...Or have packed the lunches and forgotten to bring them.

- Have cooked entire meals...and then forgotten to put them away.  I did it again tonight - Did a whole chicken on the grill rotisserie, put it on the counter to cool, and then sort of passed out. 

Too tired to think of a clever category, so we'll just call this "Mrs. Kod will kill me":

My problem  One of my many problems is that I have a lot of trouble falling asleep again once I'm up.  Mrs. Kod, otoh, can pop and drop like a sleep sniper extraordinaire.  So, most of the sleep-related whoopsies involve me.  The grand prize winner is all her, however.  She's doing laundry and suddenly gets this strange, half-strangled half-outraged look on her face.  "Whose are THESE?" she exclaims while holding up a ghastly set of lime-green striped undergarments.  "Yours," was my clever response.  She sat there in stunned silence for a moment.  I was wondering if I should run, or hold very still...Then she started laughing.  She finally remembered that she had bought them on clearance as maternity underwear.  So, crisis averted - and I can make all sorts of "My mistress would like a little less starch in her clothes next time" jokes from now until forevair.

 

Having seen the reports that getting less than 6hrs a night is functionally equivalent to being drunk, I think my preference is to getitdun the old-fashioned way.  Like I have a choice.  Okay, CGB.  'Fess up.  You know you've all done stuff too.  Bonus points for the funniest, saddest, or strangest story!

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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