You can blame Cal's losses on many things. Coaching. Quarterback play. Offensive line FAIL. Bob Gregory's zone D. The Oregon cheerleaders. The cosmos. The lush foliage of Eugene. But doesn't that just give you a headache?
So do the smart thing. Blame Twist. LET JUSTICE BE SERVED.
"I did not have a sexual relationship with that Duck."
The CGB Supreme Court will come to order! Self Appointed Chief Ultra Justice CALumbus Bear will preside and make sure the defendant stays in order, Justices norcalnick, Spazzy Mcgee, Fire Starkey, oaktownmario. Chief Justice Hydrotech is cooking a duck souffle, and might come later. As Supreme Leader, I appoint also Ohio Bear and Berkelium97 as temporary justices in these proceedings.
rollonubears is charged as legal counsel for the defendant, although I believe right now he's choosing which SAT II tests he should take. I'll allow Twist the opportunity to choose counsel or defend himself.
*Cal's season was going great until the Tyrant Boy-King usurped power. His coup d'etat on 9/21/09 and the subsequent invasion and demands placed on Addicted to Quack, formerly CGB North strained our resources to the breaking point.
*He was put in charge of a professional interview with Addicted to Quack, and proceeded to talk down to them as if he was King and they were colonists. Naturally, he stirred the seeds of revolution, much like the Stamp Act did 240-some years ago. This feeling clearly also fermented in Oregon sports fans as well.
*Just as egregiously, he did not prepare himself for a counterattack by Addicted to Quack. WORSE, he let the invasion fester and mold into a full day-long propaganda campaign to weaken the resolve of our foot soldiers. Who's to say that our fine men traveling to Eugene didn't feel those waves of discontent on their plane up north.
*Finally, he allows the Ducks to mock us as AtQ South. Not only has he been thoroughly beaten in battle, he has carried CGB to the brink of external disaster. We (the team, the fans, everyone) are laughing stocks and he is to blame!
Thus, after a brief coup d'etat, I now return to my post as Supreme Leader, I present the following charges.
Treason...for not defending the borders from Quack Attack.
Sedition...for allowing Oregon fans to pitch up tent on our site and rob us of our JuJu. FAIL, FAIL, FAIL.
Grand Theft Auto...OF COLLEGE GAMEDAY IN BERKELEY AND A NATIONAL CORONATION PARTY ON ABC WITH A DRUNK BRENT MUSBURGER PRESIDING.
Robbery...of our one chance to see Lee Corso struggle to put Oski's head on before he surely retires!
Murder...OF CAL'S SEASON. Not to mention all those grandmothers.
If there are any witnesses who'd like to either aid or attack the defendant, do so today. A ruling must come down on how Twist should be punished for such feckless and reckless measures.
I will present evidence of the heinousness of Twist's crimes below. Warning: This content is not suitable for irritable Cal fans. Proceed at your own risk.