The Dot Com boom of the early 2000s? Every Nigerian prince scam? The Shakespearean rise and fall of Friendster?
It might have seemed like they were completely and totally unrelated annoyances. But, no. They've all been part of a perfectly executed plan. All been leading up to this moment.
To this moment, which is unlimited and unfathomable. It's beyond imagination and conception. It's eternal and imperishable. It always was. It always is. It always will be.
It is what the internet was built for. It's the most perfect encapsulation of these here intertubbles.
Without further ado I present to you, the peak of the internet, the greatest YouTube video in the history of organized speech, videography, and animotronic animals. WAIT! DON'T WATCH THAT YET! WE ACTUALLY DO NEED FURTHER ADO!
WAIT! WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT!!!! Read this first to give you a background as to what is going on in the video:
With the closing of Showbiz Pizza Place (Twist Note: Sort of a Chuck-E-Cheese knock off) in the early nineties, and the subsequent removal of the Rock-afire Explosion, a small but determined group of fans persisted with the hopes of reviving their fallen obsession. It wasn't until 2007, with the resurgence of the Rock-afire Explosion on YouTube with songs like "Miss New Booty," "Hey There Delilah," and "Love in This Club," that the animatronic band found its way back into the public consciousness. Chris Thrash, a car salesman from Phenix City, Alabama who recently purchased a Rock-afire Explosion, has led the charge with his inventive programming and clever song choice.
"I really never stopped being a kid," Chris remarks as he lubricates the eyes of his 300 pound, animatronic gorilla. "I just kept pushing and pushing until my dream came true." Chris did indeed push and push until he was fortunate enough to purchase an entire Rock-afire Explosion band from creator Aaron Fechter.
OK, NOW GO WATCH THE ABOVE VIDEO. I'LL WAIT. I'M RIGHT HERE, JUST WAITING.
Yes, now you can die happy, knowing that you've seen the peak of it all. The highest of the highs. The greatest moment the internet has ever produced.
It's all down hill from here. Except I'm gonna go watch it again! I love it when the ventriloquist wolf goes "HEY"! Yay!
BERKELEY - California head coach Jeff Tedford announced Kevin Riley as the starting quarterback for the Golden Bears' season-opener versus Maryland on September 5 during a post-practice session with media at Memorial Stadium on Monday.
"Kevin Riley is going to be the starter," Tedford said. "They've all played really well, and we feel very fortunate to be in a position to have three quality quarterbacks. But, Kevin is experienced with game situations and the offense. He's been more accurate and consistent throwing the ball. It's evident by all the things going on at the line of scrimmage that Kevin is comfortable with the amount of offense that goes in every day. He's used to game-planning and does a nice job with that."
"I'm going to try to make this team the best possible," Riley added. "We have weapons on offense, and we're going to be a tough team to guard. Hopefully, I can just run the offense as best as possible."
Riley started nine games for the Golden Bears a year ago and has made 10 starts in his career at Cal. A year ago, he completed 112-of-221 passes for 1,360 yards and connected on 14 touchdown passes with only six interceptions. His career passing totals are 148-of-277 for 1,923 yards and 19 touchdowns with seven interceptions.
In his first career start against Oregon State in 2007, he filled in for injured starter Nate Longshore and completed 20-of-34 passes for a season-high 294 yards and two TDs. He also led the Bears to a 42-36 victory over Air Force in the 2007 Armed Forced Bowl after entering the game early in the second quarter with a 21-0 deficit, completing 16-of-19 passes for 269 yards and three TDs to earn the bowl's MVP honors.