FanPost

DBD 7.9.09 THE POLITICS OF FAILURE HAVE FAILED!

It has been a long time coming.  There have been many pitched battles over the past many decades.  Many harsh words spoken that perhaps ought not to have been spoken.  Many people have been harmed because of ages-old laws that make no sense in today's modern work-a-day world.

But, I think the time has come for a new vision for the future.  We cannot let the old traditions continue to control modern American policy.

 

Yes, I think it's time we allow Oregon fans to marry. 

 

Well, maybe not ALL Oregon fans.

Roboduck_medium

"Fred Phelps was right about one thing and one thing only, God Hates Roboduck" via i3.photobucket.com

 

I know this might be shocking to some of you.  I know what I say is very powerful politically.  But I can't just stand by and allow the status quo to continue.  This isn't just some unimportant issue, this is the second most important civil rights issue of the 21st century.  Besides freeing Michael Jackon's children from the evil clutches of Joe Jackson.

I know what you are saying.  Ken Crawford is right.  Marriage is designed to promote the raising of children.  And yes, Oregon fans shouldn't be allowed to procreate.  And, of course, neither should Oregon State fans, but nobody here is suggesting they be allowed to marry.  I mean that's just INSANE!

Sure, Leviticus 1:2 clearly states "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: 'When any of you brings an offering to the LORD, bring as your offering an animal from either the herd or the flock."  And that's why I don't pick Bible quotes at random to try to prove my point.  Except for Deuteronomy 1:36, which is clearly relevant when it says "except Caleb son of Jephunneh. He will see it, and I will give him and his descendants the land he set his feet on, because he followed the LORD wholeheartedly."  Wait, goddamn it, ok, let's try to avoid picking Old Testament quotes at random.

Let's read from the Good Book of Belloti.  Belloti 3:16 states "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have Rose Bowl."  And since Oregon did give us God's only Son, it is only right that they gain some of the same legal rights as normal "non-freaks."

So, I put the question to you, dear denizens of CGB.  Is it true what they say?  That Oregon fans should be allowed to marry even though it might encourage Oregon fans to create more Oregon fans, only furthering the cycle of brutal, brutal lame-ness.  I mean c'mon, this isn't like gay marriage equality, we should really think this one over before we do it.  Now, let us light our Friday candles and begin prayers.

Dana Vollmer continues to VOLLMERIZE the national competition:

INDIANAPOLIS - Former California star Dana Vollmer most likely qualified for the United States' World Championships team by finishing second in the 100-meter butterfly final on July 7 in the 2009 ConocoPhillips USA Swimming National Championships/World Championship Trials at the IUPUI Natatorium. Vollmer, who swam a time of 57.32 seconds in the 100 fly final, is among a group of 13 Golden Bears competing in Indianapolis.

While only those who win the A finals along with the top four finishers in the 100- and 200-meter freestyle A finals automatically qualify for the U.S. World Championships team, the final U.S. team should include most of the second-place finishers, including Vollmer.

Tennessee product Christine Magnuson won the 100 fly and automatically qualified for the U.S. World Championships team in a course-record time of 57.15.

The 2009 FINA World Championships will take place in Rome, Italy, from July 26 to Aug. 2. Please see USA Swimming's selection procedures in the above attachment.

The opinions expressed in a FanPost are, in every way, reflective of the opinions of every California Golden Blogs Marshawnthusiast. Moreover, they are reflective of every employee of SBNation, including Tyler "Blez" Bleszinski.

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