Oh, you think memes are all unicorns and rainbows and sunshine? Bullshit. See that title? It doesn't lie. Serious Fucking Business. Memes are a dog eat dog world. I had to work to get here. Do you know how many hours I have spent calculating the RPIs, the SOS, and the IPIs to get to this point? I am at the top of this business. People have told me: you don't follow the rules. You know what I say? Fuck them. I make the fucking rules. I want a Mcmuffin at 3 in the afternoon? I GET that damn McMuffin. When I tell my secretary Linda that Daddy's home, DADDY IS FUCKING HOME. You can do whatever the hell you want when you are at the top of your field. It wasn't pretty to get here, but god dammit here I am. Some people have tried to break up my monopoly. I would have fucking none of it. See that scar on my knuckle? Todd McShay knows he best be sticking to his pansy ass NFL draft after that haymaker. You want to try to get in this business? I have a foot that is ready to go up your ass.
FUCK THIS I'M PUMPED. LET'S DO THIS BITCH!
Lets get to these damn picks.
First, the Maharg regional. This is a weak region. Why is it weak? BECAUSE I SAY ITS WEAK.
#8 CaliSeth/Olsonist loving Riley vs. #9 Marshawnthusiasts loving Longshore
Who the hell cares who wins here? The winner will be mercilessly killed and torn to shreds by the engine of the Brock Mansion Party Yacht. Pick one. It doesn't really matter. I'll go with Marshawnthusiasts loving Longshore here. Do I have a reason? Fuck no. Do I need a reason? Fuck no.
#5 Rishi likes friends, LOL vs. #12 The The Maharg
Maharg has home field advantage here. If he fucks that up, he should be banned. Get the fuck out of my face if you lose at home. Plus, Friends is a solid show that entertained millions for a decade. Maharg takes this one.
#4 Twist evicting old ladies vs. #13 33SS being an epically lovable dick
There is room for only one epically lovable dick here. And those old ladies DESERVED IT. You get the nod Twist.
#6 Anguish Ape vs. #11 LeonPowe being the actual Leon Powe
Poor seeding. Who the FUCK made this bracket? I AM THE FUCKING MEMEOLOGIST. I AM THE THIRD REVELATION. I AM WHO THE LORD HAS CHOSEN. I AM SMARTER THEN YOU, YOU SNIVELING BOY. I'M OLDER AND I'M SMARTER THAN YOU.
Leon Powe in a thriller.
#3 CBKWit's recruiting post vs. #14 Hydro punching Twist in the face
If anyone here is throwing punches, it's me. CBKWit wins.
#7 Carp's armored dog vs. #10 Rags fucked a dolphin
Hmmmm. A dolphin. I... had never thought about that before. I like your style Ragnarok. LINDA!!!!! GET ME SEA WORLD ON THE PHONE NOW.
I'ma show that dolphin who's boss. Because I am the motherfucking boss.
SECOND ROUND OF MAHARG REGIONAL
# 1 Brock Mansion Party Yacht vs. it doesn't matter they are going to lose
Did you know the song I'm on a boat was inspired by me? OF COURSE IT WAS. I'M ON A BOAT MOTHERFUCKER DON'T YOU EVER FORGET.
#12 Maharg vs. #4 Twist evicting old ladies
Home.Court.Ad.Van.Tage. Don't fuck this up Maharg.
#11 LeonPowe being the actual Leon Powe vs. #3 CBKWit's recruiting post
Leon Powe is a monster inside. He has shown that you can be undersized and still succeed in the NBA. He was underseeded because of a lack of quality wins and coming from a subpar conference, but I know that he is solid and that CBKWit won't have a chance. Do you know how I know? BECAUSE I AM THE MOTHERFUCKING GURU OF THIS INDUSTRY.
#2 Danzig vs. #10 Rags fucked a dolphin
Ragnarok, buddy, you are a fucking genius. And I don't pass out compliments like lollipops. That dolphin... wow. You have never been more right then anything ever. I want to meet you. I want to watch Die Hard while we double team. I want a hi five from you right NOW.
SEMI-FINAL OF MAHARG REGIONAL
#1 B.M.P.Y. vs. #12 Maharg.
Homecourt advantage works up until the time when you get run over by a boat, motherfucker. They say, like Kevin Garnett: 'ANYTHING IS POSSIBLLLLEEEE'. But it is impossible for you to win this match, Maharg. Better luck next year.
#10 Rags fucked a dolphin vs. #11 LeonPowe
Rags. I really appreciate all you've done for me. Mostly by giving me that idea. Remember when I said I get whatever I want? Sea World has a weird "We don't let people fuck our dolphins policy". I don't know what the fuck that is all about. But I made them get rid of it. But you just aren't enough for the might of Leon. Keep doing your thing. You'll get to the top eventually.
FINAL OF MAHARG REGIONAL
#1 B.M.P.Y. vs. #11 LeonPowe
Fuck, this hurts. I am not a man of emotion. I had my tear ducts surgically removed. But this hurts to do. This hurts almost as much as the pain Leon will feel when he gets his chiseled body torn to shreds by a propeller. Remember, B.M.P.Y.'s number one seed was no fluke. If you think it was, you better GET THE FUCK BACK, THIS BOAT IS REAL!
B.M.P.Y. WINS THE MAHARG REGIONAL
Now, the RISHI REGIONAL. THIS REGION IS STRONG, BABY!
# 8 What's that ___ word? vs. # 9 This.
Somehow all of these teams come from the RCC (Rishi Coast Conference). Which makes them awesome, baby! This matchup is going to be a slap a lapper napper, baby! It is awesome. I wish both teams could win! I am going to have to go with This. Because This. is awesome, baby! Meme flu! Catch it!
#5 This is watercube vs. #12 Somebody's bitter!
Look. I am Dick Vitale. I love everyfuckingthing about the RCC. But even I can't get excited about this match up. I haven't heard of either of these teams. Even I don't give a shit about who wins. I'm picking Somebody's bitter because I am bitter that this is a matchup.
#4 Got the Nyan in you vs. # 13 It's a trap (Akbar)
Do I have the Nyan in me? HELL YEAH, BABY! I GOT THE NYAN IN ME!!!!! I INJECTED MYSELF WITH CAFFEINE BEFORE DOING THIS!!! ITS AWESOME BABY!
#6 Nailed it! vs. #11 I think the Giants did that last year
NAILED IT! WOOHOO. I LOVE THIS MEME, BABY! IT IS LIKE A SUPER SCINTILLATING SENSATIONAL SLAM JAM BAM BAM! ITS AWESOME, BABY!
#3 Honk! vs # 14 Mrs. (name of poster) is that you?
I am tempted to go with 14 here. BECAUSE I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR BABY! AND I LOVE MY WIFE EVEN MORE THIS TIME OF YEAR! JUST ASK HER!
But, Honk has done more for this site then almost any other meme. It is the godfather of all memes. We must pay our proper respect to it. Honk! it is.
#7 CGB: That should be a tagline. vs. #10 How does this relate to the A-11 offense?
Dear CGB, I've got a tagline here for you. CGB: IT'S AWESOME, BABY! But, the A-11 offense is the future of memes. It is completely revolutionary. It has a strong strength of schedule. It has beaten quality teams. It slipped up a few too many times, which led to its low seed. But lemme tell you: it is much better than a ten seed. It wins. Plus, ITS A DIAPER DANDY, BABY!
RISHI REGIONAL SECOND ROUND
#1 I declare you Sanchez vs. #9 This.
I DECLARE YOU SANCHEZ, BABY! I like the ring of that. VITALE HAS GOT A NEW CATCHPHRASE. SOMEBODY GET BRISTOL ON THE PHONE.
#4 Got the Nyan in you vs. #12 Somebody's Bitter
Nyan in you. Easy. Next!
#6 Nailed it! vs. #3 Honk!
Oh dear lord. I THINK I JUST WENT INTO CARDIAC ARREST. THATS HOW AWESOME THIS MATCHUP IS, BABY. IT IS THE GODFATHERS OF MEMES DUKEING IT OUT. DID I SAY DUKE? THE ONLY WAY THIS GAME COULD BE BETTER IS IF IT WAS PLAYED ON TOBACCO ROAD! ITS AWESOME BABY! I WANT MORE OF THIS GAME. ITS SURE TO BE A DIPSY-DOO DUNKEROO DIDDLE DOP SLAM-JAM-BAM, PUDDING-POP BABY! YES I ACTUALLY LEGITIMATELY SAY ALL OF THESE THINGS!
HONK WINS THIS WON IN A THRILLER, BABY!
#2 Totes/Toads (with pics) vs. #10 A-11 offense
I love the A-11 almost as much as I love being on Mike Krzyzewski balls all the time! UPSET, BABY! A-11 GOES TO THE NEXT ROUND! MEME MADNESS! CATCH IT!
RISHI REGIONAL SEMI-FINALS
#1 I declare you Sanchez vs. #4 Nyan in you
I DECLARE YOU SANCHEZ IS ROLLLLLLLLLLING ALL THE WAY TO THE FINAL FOUR, BABY!
#3 Honk! vs. # 10 A-11 offense
Sadly, like all good things in life, it must come to an end. This has been a magical run for the offense of A-11, but it is a run that ultimately ends in defeat. My heart goes out to those young Piedmont kids who just wanted to show they can win it all. I hope dearly they will be back again next year, vying for the Meme madness championship. BUT THEIR RUN WAS AWESOME, BABY!
RISHI REGIONAL FINAL
#1 I declare you Sanchez vs. #3 Honk!
Like Jacquizz, apparently, I DECLARE YOU SANCHEZ CAN'T BE STOPPED! CUT DOWN THE NETS, BABY!
I DECLARE YOU SANCHEZ WINS THE RISHI REGIONAL
Next, the AVA1ANCHE69 REGIONAL
#8 Sydboner vs. #9 Freida Pinto
LINDA!!!!!! WHY THE FUCK WAS DICK VITALE IN MY OFFICE!?!?!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDNT SEE HIM!?!?!!?! IS HE THAT FUCKING SNEAKY!?!?! HOW IS HE SO GOOD AT HAUNTING EVERYONE!?!?!?!?!
Well, getting to the top means you have to have a fairly large amount of complacency (Those bank leaders were my heroes) so I will just keep what he wrote. Now where the fuck were we? Yes. Sydboner. Easy. Because I had a massive one last year watching him play.
# 5 Stegosaurus vs. #12 Hattin'
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD, WHEN I LAY MY VENGEANCE UPON THEE.
#4 Chunged vs. #13 TuckNJersey
What the fuck do I care?
#6 Pain Train (toot toot) vs. #11 (meme deleted by marshawnthusiast)
I respect the Pain Train. He puts MOTHERFUCKERS IN LINE. I have an office linebacker. I make him watch hilm of the Pain Train. Nobody FUCKS around in my office. SERIOUS MOTHERFUCKING BUSINESS.
#3 Dorrell's mustache vs. #14 Pics or it doesn't exist.
These 2 seeds should be switched. Again, WHO THE FUCK MADE THIS BRACKET? WHY WAS NO ONE SANE INVOLVED? Dorrell is old news. But you say, 'Maybe the mustache can win one, just like old times. Maybe it can win one for the Gipper'. Well I say that is adorable. BUT NOT IN MY FUCKING HOUSE. YOU THINK I HAVE TIME FOR HEART WARMING STORIES!?!?!?!?! FUCK NO. PICS OR IT DOESN'T EXIST IS THE DALLAS TO DORRELL'S SAN ANTONIO. THIS SERIES WILL BE DONE IN 5.
#7 Rec'd vs. #10 HIMYM
Himym is the best show on television. It is based off my life as a young lad. Plus, rec'd isn't even really a meme. It is just saying you liked the comment. Are we going to make laughing a meme now too?
SECOND ROUND OF AVA1ANCHE69 REGIONAL
#1 Praise be Bak Bak vs. #8 Sydboner
I never go against my one and only savior. PRAISE BE LORD BAK BAK!
#5 Stegosaurus vs. #4 Chunged
#6 Pain Train vs. #14 Pics or it doesn't exist.
Sigh. It doesn't exist.
#2 Dumpster Muffin vs. #10 HIMYM
My love of HIMYM is almost as much as my love for wanting to save trees and overthrow capitalism. But it isn't quite as much. Dumpster muffin it is!
SEMI-FINALS OF AVA1ANCHE69 REGIONAL
#1 Praise be Bak Bak vs. #4 Chunged
What will be true next year is true now: Bak Bak can't be stopped.
#6 Pain Train vs. #2 Dumpster Muffin
Before I get to the analysis, lets all just take a minute to enjoy the vision of Dumpster Muffin having her WORLD FUCKING OBLITERATED by the Pain Train. Fuck it, that is my analysis.
FINAL OF AVA1ANCHE69 REGIONAL
#1 Praise be Bak Bak vs. #6 Pain Train
The awesomeness of this matchup literally just made my brain explode.
PRAISE BE BAK BAK WINS THE AVA1ANCHE69 REGIONAL
And now, finally, the TWISTNHOOK REGIONAL
#8 Games for our theme weeks vs. #9 Diante Jackson
WHY THE FUCK HAS NO ONE EVER EXPLAINED THE DIANTE JACKSON THING TO ME!?!?! ALL I KNOW WAS THAT T-BRED WAS OBSESSED. I WANT FUCKING MORE.
#5 Syd on offense vs. #12 Twist is whipped, ROFL
Syd will take the world by storm this year in the A-11 offense. You just wait.
#4 CougCenter week vs. #13 Edit Button
I am going to let CougCenter win this one, because this will be the best thing to happen to them in months. And, sadly, i am not kidding.
#6 I want rollonubears to do DBD's from now on vs. #11 Replacing J with Y
The Y meme makes no fucking sense. I just want to know Y?
I see what I did there. I MADE A FUCKING FUNNY.
#3 Big Lebowski Debates vs. #14 Pradesh A+M
Are we even sure Pradesh A+M is a meme? Because when it was tried to be pinned on someone it was vehemently denied.
#7 Dice wars vs. Carp's NSFW pictures
Is this a meme tournament or a 'Which takes up more of my employees productivity hours' tournament. If it was the latter these would be co champions.
SECOND ROUND OF TWIST REGIONAL
#1 UC Eugene vs. #9 Diante Jackson
Ironically, both of these things seem like they are in California while they are actually in Oregon.
#5 Syd on offense vs. #4 CougCenter week
By this time I am just mailing it in like the Hornets. But I do love me some Syd. Sorry Pullman, another blow to your legitimacy.
#6 I want rollonubears vs. #3 Big Lebowski Debates
Look, as you can see by the name of the meme, the people want me. And who the fuck am I to deny the people what they want? They want a loan, I GIVE THEM THAT FUCKING LOAN. NO QUESTIONS ASKED.
#7 Dice Wars vs. #2 Bombarding Okanes
I am letting Okanes win to boost national awareness on the issue of whether Ross lifts more than Nyan.
SEMI-FINALS OF TWIST REGIONAL
#1 Uc Eugene vs. #5 Syd on offense
Look. I am a dominator. I am a conqueror. I got to the top because I fought to the top. And I really like the direction CGB is going with this conquistador thing. That is why I am putting myself in charge of the next one. I am like Pizarro. YOU'RE NEXT, AZ DESERT SWARM!
#6 I want rollonubears vs. #2 Bombarding Okanes
It is obvious that people want me. But do they want me in the elite 8? Memeology says no.
FINALS OF TWIST REGIONAL
#1 UC Eugene vs. #2 Bombarding Okanes
Who is willing to be my assistant on this invasion of AZDS? Linda is clearly not up to the task.
UC EUGENE WINS TWIST REGIONAL
FINAL FOUR TIME
Good. They are all number 1 seeds. Us people on top like other people who are already on top to stay that way. We don't really like newcomers.
BROCK MANSION PARTY YACHT VS. PRAISE BE BAK BAK
B.M.P.Y. wins solely because I doubt that Bak Bak has ever fucked a mermaid. Like I have. Rags, you fucking genius. YOU ARE MY ASSISTANT FOR THE AZDS INVASION.
I DECLARE YOU SANCHEZ VS. UC EUGENE
I DECLARE THE WHOLE STATE OF OREGON SANCHEZ.
CHAMPIONSHIP GAME OF THE MEMEOLOGY. SERIOUS BUSINESS. TOURNAMENT
BROCK MANSION PARTY YACHT VS. I DECLARE YOU SANCHEZ
What a battle. 2 titans. 2 of the most important memes of this sight. Both are legendary. Both have crushed everything in their path. This is a championship game to end all championship games. And I, but a humble young lad, must pick the winner. I have one thing to say: Hey Brock Mansion, who died and declared you Sanchez?
WINNER OF THE MEMEOLOGY. SERIOUS BUSINESS. TOUNAMENT: I DECLARE YOU SANCHEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!