Twist called me out last month in asking why we didn't have a Wrestlemania preview. Well, now you've done it. I'm going to have to preview every WWE PPV from now on, complete with predictions. And away we go!
Santina on Khali Kiss Cam
I have no idea what the hell is going on here. From what I gather, this involves a cross-dressing Italian and a gigantic Punjabi Playboy who wants to make out with him/her/it. On PPV.
yellow fever's prediction: Pain
CM Punk vs. Kane
Just a few weeks ago I was facing a choice between buying the new Kane 3-disc DVD set for 12 bucks or the Sex in the City movie for the girlfriend for 20 bucks. The fact that I even had to think about it should tell you just how enthusiastic I am for matches involving Kane. But I did end up buying the DVD set, mostly because I'd have never have told this story had it ended with my buying the Sex in the City movie. Still, this should be mostly inoffensive, even if I don't care at all what happens.
yellow fever's prediction: CM Punk via GTS
Chris Jericho vs. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
Pro wrestling and major league baseball are the only sports in which a 56-year old can compete on equal footing with a 39-year old. In recognition, here are a collection of Jayson Stark "GEE WHIZ ISN'T BASEBALL GREAT" quotes.
yellow fever's prediction: Chris Jericho via the Walls of Jericho
Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy - I Quit Match
I'd have much preferred the Jeff Hardy/Christian angle that everyone knew was coming back around Royal Rumble time, but I don't think there's anything wrong with doing the whole brother vs. brother feud. Or maybe there is, because I never watch Smackdown and I don't see these guys anymore, but I get the feeling that I care about this less than I should. Also in question is Jeff Hardy's whole contract status and the fact that Matt's been beating the hell out of him in each of their matches. But Jeff's got to win sometime, right? I just can't see him being booked to give up in an I Quit match.
yellow fever's prediction: Jeff Hardy via random submission move (has he ever used a submission move?)
WWE Champion Triple H, Batista, Shane McMahon vs. Legacy
This match is strikingly similar to the main event at King of the Ring 2000 which had Triple H/Shane McMahon/Vince McMahon vs. Rock/Kane/Undertaker, which ended with the Rock winning the WWE Championship by beating Triple H in a six-man tag.
Yeah. I did remember that off the top of my head.
Anyway, I don't have particularly high hopes for the match itself, but I do enjoy the MacTerminator, pondering just how juiced Batista is, and Randy Orton's theme music. And maybe someday Cody Rhodes and Ted DiBiase Jr. will get personalities of their own, although past precedents The World's Greatest Tag Team and the Edgeheads make me somewhat doubtful.
yellow fever's prediction: Batista over Orton via spear
ECW Champion Jack Swagger vs. Christian
I'm not sure what the deal is with this Jack Swagger character. Exactly what kind of nickname is "The All-American American"? As opposed to the All-Canadian American? All-Albanian American? All-Ghanian American? It boggles the mind. I expect Christian to win this match though just because Swagger's championship run seems to have run his course, and having Christian as champion to feud with some of the newer guys on the ECW roster - Tyson Kidd, Evan Bourne, Vladimir Koslov - makes more sense, Koslov in particular. Although I think like everyone else, I'm just waiting for the inevitable Edge & Christian reunion. Streamers rule!
yellow fever's prediction: Christian via Killswitch
World Heavyweight Champion John Cena vs. Edge - Last Man Standing Match
Having watched the entirety of the Edge: Decade of Decadence DVD set over the past two weeks, I've come to the following conclusions:
Personality-wise, Goofy Edge & Christian Edge > Hardcore Edge > Ultimate Opportunist Edge > Smiling Babyface Edge.
Match-wise, Smiling Babyface Edge > Hardcore Edge > Goofy Edge & Christian Edge > Ultimate Opportunist Edge.
That said, heel John Cena was totally awesome and I loved his freestyles. It's really too bad they renamed the F-U, though.
yellow fever's prediction: John Cena via Attitude Adjustment through a table - or Edge via Conchairto (w/Christian!)