Cal athletes were doing just fine without me . . . and then I showed up and ruined their success!
What the hell am I talking about you ask? Well, some of you may have noticed (or not), that I disappeared for a while. With all we've been through from the hippie tree takeover, to Court Ruling Episodes I - VI, to the liberation of the trees, I feel like I owe some of you an explanation (that doesn't include you The Maharg). See, a lot of crap happened between my last appearance sometime in November and now . . .
where do I start?
> 27 day trial
> 187 page brief
> Motion to punch the opposing counsel in the face
> Motion to kick the judge in the stomach
> Two contempt of court orders
> Getting caught by my wife while I was with the gardener and the milk man
> Being stuck in Cuba and not being able to come back into the country
> Obama's inauguration followed by short lived protest at the White House (and jailing)
> Chaining myself to Fannie Mae doors
> MMA cage match resulting in a broken nose
Well, most of you can probably figure out which ones of the above are true (hint: think milk and gardening).
So what the hell does this have to with Cal athletics? Well, my departure from watching or following Cal sports coincided with great success in Cal athletics (i.e. football and basketball). Cal apparently won the Emerald Bowl - of which I still know very little - and embarked on a winning streak in BBall. It just so happened that the first game I watched upon returning to my "normal" life was Cal @ Suckford BBall (on TV). I was finally confident that an undefeated Cal team would beat a bottom of the barrel Furd team - and boy was I wrong. Sadly, this was the beginning of five horrible games by Cal BBall, losing to Furd, OSU, Fucla, and SC, while the team snuck out with a bad victory against a lowly Oregon team. So there you have it! It's just better if I get sent back to Guantanamo and stop watching Cal sports.
But just for entertainment's sake, can you give me some quick updates on what I missed in the past 3 months? For example:
Why did Longshore start over Riley?
I saw something about Riley being hurt? True?
Was the Emerald Bowl good?
Did Longshore suck as much as his numbers indicate?
Why did Morrah declare for the draft?
How did Cal beat both the Washington schools on the road?
Is Monte a good coach, because from "what I've seen," he sucks?
And perhaps most importantly: why couldn't the A's get rid of Crosby?!!!!?
Oh, and here's one link.
Please help me out and if you prefer, I'll stop watching Cal sports.