Oregon State 31 Cal 14: I'm Steve Marshall, And I'm Here To Make Your Offense Terrible

637020_medium Hi, I'm Steve Marshall. You might remember me as the guy who coached the O-line that got David Carr sacked 76 times or the dude that coached an O-line on a Browns team that had the fifth to last  rushing offense in the NFL last year. You might also remember me as the guy who's spent no more than one to two years at any one destination. You'd think that'd be a telling sign that teams might be happy to get rid of me.

I currently am the Cal offensive line coach. Instead of utilizing simple blocking concepts a former successful Cal offensive line coach used for seven years that worked to perfection, I'm going to give a bunch of 19-23 year old o-linemen a thousand different pro style concepts that they need to cram in their heads in a month of fall practice and a few hours each week. That way when they face good defenses they'll stumble, make mental and physical errors, turn one of the most potent college running offenses of the past decade into crap, and help reacquaint Cal fans with a Holmoe-level experience I feel they've lacked. Keeps them from feeling optimistic about anything.

Case in point, today's game. I'm going to show how I can make the worst Pac-10 pass rush in the conference look like the Chicago 46. As follows:

3433290_medium Gets pressured on the first snap, dumps it off to Best on a broken play. This is not going to be a one-time thing.

3433459_medium Gets hit for no gain.

3433459_medium Gets hit for 1 yard gain.

3429976_medium Gets schooled off the edge, lets his QB get sacked rolling left.

 3433290_medium  "Um some helllppumpppph..." Hit again.

3433375_medium Gets pounded on a 3rd and 1 for no gain.

 

3433459_medium Runs up middle for 1 yard. Ponders if this is what the rest of his Cal career will be like.

3433391_medium False starts.

 

3433290_medium After much trial and tribulation, picks up first down.

3433433_medium  False starts.

3433290_medium After much trial and tribulation, picks up first down.

 

3433386_medium Lets man blow by him to set record for fastest time to hit QB after snap.

3433459_medium Screws it, puts on the hero cape, scores a touchdown, scares the shit out of everyone.

 

3433386_medium3433391_medium 3429976_medium 3433433_medium 3429951_medium3433455_medium
Kneel down, pray, get back up, all ready to get back up and play in honor for #4...

637020_medium "No no, guys, this isn't part of the plan. Get back out there and do your absolute worst. Zone block pull someone left and man block fly sweep ruh-duh-duh-duh!"

3433290_medium Sacked.

3433290_medium Pressured.

3433290_medium Levelled.

3433290_medium (on the phone with Ludwig) "Please, give me a play that doesn't end in me eating turf. Get me anyone who knows how to block. Bloc Party. Lego block fort. Max Zhang. HELP ME!"

3433455_medium Reads existential poetry.

 

3429939_medium After Cattouse interception, nearly gets stuffed for safety.

2792173_medium Capitulates, calls quarterback sneak on our own goal-line.

3433290_medium Hit.

3429939_medium Two yard gain. Realizes that he might have to suffer through another year of this. Sobs quietly.

3429951_medium Ponders future blogging career.

3433290_medium Throws ball out of bounds as a lateral. Less painful than another sack.

3433290_medium Pocket collapses again and again, starting to feel like the captain of the U-Boat in Das Boot.

2792173_medium Out of desperation, starts throwing screen passes, dumpoffs, anything quick for fear that a linebacker might commit a level-one homicide on Riley. Beavers sniff every play out.

1208941_medium  Frantically looks up Coach M on his speed-dial.

3433290_medium Glumly wonders how Cal students will blame it all on him.

637020_medium That's me baby. Steve Marshall. I will make your offense blow.

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